Distant
by HR always live on
Summary: Harry and Ruth are together but all is not well in their relationship. Set post S9 and using a bit more angst than I'm used to. Now all gone to happiness and mostly fluff. Ch 38, last chapter up, so now Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**A very different HR look, set post S9 but ignoring all S10 plot. Angsty and I hope realistic. Not my usual type of writing so I would really appreciate feedback / reviews. Thank you in advance.**

* * *

Ruth woke up alone in her king size bed and sighed sadly. This was not how she had planned her life to go at all. Rubbing her eyes blearily she felt the cold hard metal of her wedding ring feeling more like a shackle than ever before. She had (perhaps naively) assumed that once she had married Harry then everything would be alright. Life had not turned out that way. She woke up alone more often than not, now without even a note to explain where Harry had gone to. She knew it would be an early meeting in Whitehall or some such nonsense but she felt the least she deserved was a note of some kind explaining his absence. Letting her know that he hadn't been kidnapped by Russians or Chinese or whichever country wanted him this week.

Getting up, she ran an agitated hand through her hair wondering how things had deteriorated to this state. Barely six months had gone by since their wedding and now she and Harry didn't talk unless they were on the grid or it was work related. The romance had gone and the explosive passion they had shared when they first became an item had burnt out, leaving nothing but quiet days after it. She knew why this had happened, or at least part of the reason. They had rushed into marriage far too quickly and this was the result. A couple of people growing more distant by the day who couldn't even talk about anything normal any more. Finishing getting dressed she realised how trapped she felt in this silence. In an abstract way she knew Harry loved her, but he wasn't showing her or telling her any more. She no longer craved to be with him but was rather trying to find a way to escape these awful silences with him. And the silences weren't layered with passion, desire, longing or want as they once had been not so long ago. Now they were just uncomfortable. She did not want to live like this any longer. She wanted out. Sighing yet again, she zipped her boots up and left the house for the grid. Might as well be doing something productive, she thought to herself.

* * *

Harry glanced at his watch while listening to Towers complain about something monstrously unimportant. It was nearing eleven and he really should be heading back to Thames House. He wanted to see Ruth, even though things were strained between them at the moment. He hadn't seen her since yesterday. She'd come home late claiming work (she hadn't been) and he'd left early. Neither of them talked about everything that bothered them. They never had, and she had become slightly distant with him, and that had made him reluctant to be more forthcoming. He hadn't impulsively touched her or kissed her because he hadn't known what her reaction would be. He had talked about normal things like work, trying to get back into their routine. Which had had the unintentional result of making her even more remote from him until every time she looked at him he felt like he was disappointing her. He wanted to fix this problem with Ruth badly, but he was slightly unsure as to how to go about it. He had never been any good at this side of relationships. Seduction? Yes. Getting a woman into bed? Absolutely. But making a relationship work and last? That was the tough one. Harry shook himself when he realised Towers was waiting for a reply. Harry was saved by his phone buzzing with a text message. Reading it and feigning seriousness he made his excuses to the Home Secretary.

"Problems with the Mrs eh?" Towers said good naturedly. Harry glared at him making the smile fade from the politicians face as the spook quickly left the building. The text had been nothing important, an alert from Vodaphone, nothing more but it had given him his excuse. He wanted to see Ruth. He needed to talk to her to sort out this mess. He didn't want to give up either on her or their marriage. It was the one relationship he had had in his life that he was determined would not fail.

* * *

Harry emerged onto a less than usually busy grid. "Erin? Everything okay?"

"Yes, just dealing with our American counterparts," she called back. "Everything okay with the HS?"

"Usually politics," Harry replied. His eyes settled on Ruth's empty desk and he felt his heart sink. If she wasn't working than clearly something was wrong, and he knew it was the same problem that dwelled on his mind. "Do you know where Ruth is?"

"On the roof I think," Erin said with a suggestive smile. "I'll make sure you aren't disturbed," she added. Harry thought about arguing the point about the passionate lovers embrace she was clearly under the impression would be happening but then decided against it. After all, alone time with Ruth was exactly what he wanted in the first place.

"Thanks Erin," Harry said. "I'll be down soon." The brunette nodded and Harry braced himself before going up the stairs to the roof, not sure how welcome his presence would be.

* * *

**Thoughts?**


	2. Chapter 2

**This is a short update, but short is better than none! Thanks for the reviews and encouragement. And it will have a happy ending at some point. **

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Opening the door to the roof, Harry braced himself against the frigid air. It really was bitter out here, another testament to how much Ruth wanted time alone. He saw her leaning over the railings deep in thought and approached her slowly. Soon she heard his footsteps. He saw a line of tension in her shoulders as she realised she was not alone and his heart dropped. But he kept walking until he stood next to her. "Hi," he said to break the silence.

"Hello," she replied, her tone almost as cold as the weather. "I wanted some fresh air. I'll catch up with work," she added.

"I don't care about work," he interrupted quickly. It was perfectly true, and he knew her well enough to know that if by some miracle, she was behind she would catch up. He fell silent and so did she, the only thing interrupting the quiet was the biting wind and the traffic below them. She seemed locked in her own bubble, walls around her that he couldn't break down.

"You went to see the Home Secretary this morning?" Ruth questioned, and he felt the coldness in her voice.

"Yes. I didn't want to wake you," he said in explanation. "You came in late and I couldn't explain."

"You couldn't leave a note?" she asked. He had no reply to that. It hadn't even occurred to him, so worried was he about the state of his marriage with Ruth there wasn't space for a lot else in his mind.

"I'm sorry," he said. The only thing he could think to say. "I didn't think."

"Do you know how it feels to find out where your husband is from Erin?" she asked. "Rather than you?"

"I'm sorry," he repeated sincerely.

Ruth nodded but stayed silent. He looked at her hands and realised that she wasn't wearing any gloves. Her hands must be freezing. He wanted to reach across and take her hand but he wasn't sure how welcome his touch would be. It had been ten days since he had last touched her and even that was only a simple brush of hands when she passed over a file. They shared the same bed, but each stuck to their own side firmly. It had been long weeks since the last time he'd made love to her, he thought with sadness. And even then she hadn't seemed to enjoy it as much as she used to.

"I can't take this anymore Harry," she said, turning and facing him for the first time since he'd appeared on the roof. "This is not the type of relationship I want."

"I know," he agreed fervently. "I don't like this any more than you do. I want to fix it. Truly I do Ruth."

She smiled very tightly at him, her blue eyes swimming with emotions he couldn't name. "Harry, this isn't working. We both know that. And I think we both know this isn't what we wanted from our relationship. I'm not saying this to hurt you, honestly. I think…" She tailed off and took a deep breath, looking at her hands before speaking again. "I want a divorce. I… I'm sorry." She turned from the city and retreated back to the grid, leaving Harry feeling like his heart had stopped and his world had completely fallen away.

* * *

By the end of the working day Ruth had found herself hidden in the bathroom on the grid, trying to dry her eyes and stop the tears from coming. She had been thinking about asking Harry for a divorce for a while but she wasn't sure she'd ever had the courage. And now the words were out of her mouth she couldn't take them back. But she knew in her heart that she didn't want to leave Harry. She loved him too much. She just wanted things to be better and the words had come out of her mouth before she had weighed their consequences. Now she had no idea what to say to him. He had left the grid early and she knew that she'd have to face him sooner or later. Drying her eyes she tried to make herself more presentable before leaving and driving home. A conversation with Harry was most definitely called for.


	3. Chapter 3

**A proper length chapter this time. Thanks for all the reviews and follows! Hopefully we see things smoothing out a little now...**

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Unlocking her front door she felt nervous. She wanted to talk to Harry but she didn't want to say anything stupid. Like she wanted a divorce when she didn't. Downstairs was quiet so she went up the stairs, waiting to hear Harry. The security code hadn't been activated on the front door so she knew he was here. Opening the bedroom door she found him filling a bag with clothes and he turned when he saw her. It was clear he'd been crying and he wasn't even trying to hide it, she saw with a pang in her heart.

"I'll be out of here soon," he said quickly. "I'll stay in a hotel tonight, I don't want to make you unhappy. You can have the house and I'll have the papers drawn up tomorrow."

"Harry, stop," she said slowly and firmly. He stopped babbling and looked at her, dropping the bag he'd been packing at the same time. "I shouldn't have said that earlier. I don't want a divorce."

"Then why say it?" he asked quietly, eyes wide. "Was it just to hurt me."

"No Harry," she said. "I don't want to hurt you. I will admit it was running through my mind at the time and I spoke without engaging my brain, but I didn't mean it." Harry almost sagged with relief and he sat on the edge of the bed, as if his legs would no longer support him. "Why were you so ready to leave?"

"I'd rather you be happy than any discomfort it may cause me," he said honestly. "I don't want to be with you if it makes you miserable. No matter how much I love you."

"You haven't told me that in weeks," she said quietly. "You don't talk to me."

"You're not much better," he said in a quiet voice. Clearly he didn't want to argue but he wanted to get his point across all the same.

"I'm not saying I am," she replied. She didn't have the stomach for a fight either. "Look, I miss you. I want us to be better. I don't like it like this. And I don't want to leave you either."

"Neither do I," he agreed.

"I love you," she said quietly. He turned and looked at her, emotion sparkling in his hazel eyes. "How much have you had to drink?" she asked. He was near enough to her that she could smell whisky on his breath and she wondered how much he would remember of this conversation.

"Only one large one," he said. She nodded, knowing that was nowhere near his limit and felt glad that he wasn't inebriated. She gently reached across the bed, feeling that she should make the first move after what she had said that morning. Her fingers found his palm and she slowly explored his hand with her fingertips before tightening her grip around him. He felt his heart skip a beat as she willingly moved first and he didn't want to let go of her hand. After a full three minutes of silence when they had simply been touching each others hands Ruth squeezed and then let go.

"I'm hungry," she said in her soft voice. Not the distance of earlier in the morning Harry was pleased to note. She was trying here, and he felt a lump in his throat at the simple fact. It meant she hadn't given up on them. "I'm going to get something to eat. Do you want to join me? We can continue this conversation downstairs?"

"Yes," he said simply. "I could eat."

"Good," Ruth replied. She let go of his hand and left the bedroom for the kitchen. Harry wasn't fool enough to think that food was the only reason she wanted to leave their bedroom. With the temptation of the bed it would be all too easy to ignore their problems and get lost in each other, something neither of them wanted. At least until their problems were sorted. So he followed her downstairs, determined to make this work.

* * *

In the kitchen Ruth was making two plates of salad. She wanted to keep her hands busy but she wasn't exactly in the mood for cooking so it seemed like a good compromise. When Harry came into the kitchen she felt his eyes on her back and swallowed uncomfortably. She felt like she could breathe again when he moved and turned the kettle on. "Tea please," she said to his unspoken question. "Harry, how did you feel when Lucas took me?"

She turned to face him and he'd frozen in the middle of adding a spoonful of sugar to her mug. "Its not easy to talk about," he said, lowering the teaspoon slowly and deliberately.

"I know that," she said forcing her voice to remain both soft and calm. "But I think that's our main problem. If things are easier to not talk about then we ignore them. We can't do that any longer Harry. Please answer me. And then you can ask something you want to know."

He weighed her words and saw that she was right. He poured hot water into their cups before speaking. "I knew what was going to happen a few seconds before it did," he said slowly, sitting down opposite her. "As soon as Beth said the man they shot wasn't Lucas my heart stopped. I knew it was a diversion and the only thing worth getting at that point in time was you. I knew Lucas was going to try and take you. I told them to get back to you as soon as possible but it wasn't quick enough. They didn't have to tell me for me to know it wasn't quick enough." Harry sighed and stirred his tea, sitting down heavily as he was reliving that day. Ruth picked up their salads and sat opposite him.

"Lucas called me within a couple of minutes. He wanted to swap you for Albany as I'd already guessed he would. I told him not to hurt you but he gave me 90 minutes or he'd kill you. I panicked. Just flat out panicked. I saw a hundred different scenarios in my mind, all of which seemed worse than I could cope with. I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you. Rationally, I didn't think he would hurt you but I wasn't nearly sure enough. So I decided to get Albany and swap it for you. I did not breathe easy that day."

"Would you have traded Albany if it had been real?" she asked, spiking her lettuce with her fork while thinking about what he was telling her.

"Probably," he admitted. Ruth's mouth dropped open before she caught hold of herself again. "I would have been put in prison. I would have been branded a traitor, and I might never have seen you again. But you would have been alive, and that was what I wanted at the end of the day." She smiled at him tightly, very glad that this dilemma was not the one that had faced them that day. "My turn," he said with a shade of the cheeky grin she hadn't seen from him in so long. "Why did you turn me down the first time I proposed?" Ruth had known as soon as she tried the honest discussion that this point would come up so she smiled to herself. "What?" Harry asked.

"I knew you were going to ask that," she said in explanation. "I don't like surprises," she started. "I never have. And when you said that at Ros's funeral, I hadn't been expecting it on any level at all. You really shocked me that day. We weren't even in a relationship then and I didn't want any marriage I had with you to fail. Ironic really," she said with a roll of her eyes. Out of instinct Harry reached across the table and squeezed her hand. It was the first time he'd spontaneously touched her in a couple of months and he breathed in relief as she looked at their joined hands and smiled. A small, tired but genuine smile.

"When you proposed you didn't tell me how you felt about me. You really could have made your case better Harry." Her smile was broader this time and he felt his heart lighten. "You did better the second time around," she said looking at her engagement ring.

"I loved you then, you know that don't you?" he asked, still holding her hand. "I've loved you for years."

"I knew then," she said. "You treated me differently to everyone else, and I saw it in your eyes how you felt. But it would have made my _year_ to have heard it from you."

"I've made a mess of things haven't I?"

"No," she said, letting go of his hand so she could eat. "We made a mess of things. I don't think it was all you by any stretch of the imagination." Harry smiled at her and picked up his own fork to eat. They knew they had only scratched the surface of their problems, but this time the silence was not either awkward or uncomfortable.

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**Anything you think they should talk about? These were my two main ideas and I can't think of anything else. Thanks for reading and please leave a review, even if its only a little one!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Wow! Bowled over by those lovely reviews! Thank you for all your ideas and I will try to work in as many as possible as HR try to get their marriage to work. Hope this is okay for the time being.**

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Ruth felt a little freer that evening, but she was aware that there was a lot of work to do between the two of them. But it was most certainly a start. Harry looked at her and breathed deeply before speaking. "I can sleep on the sofa," he said. "It won't be a problem."

"Yes it will," she said. "I would like you with me tonight. Not for anything to happen, I'd just like you with me."

"Okay," he agreed, slightly surprised but very pleased all the same. They went upstairs in silence and got ready for bed. Harry pulled the duvet over the pair of them and Ruth lay on her side watching him.

"Can I ask you something?" he said in the dark quietness.

"Yes," she replied. "We're being honest remember?"

"How was it so easy for you to be with George and yet with me it always seems to be a struggle?"

"It wasn't," she said. "Easy for me to be with him I mean," she added. "You asked me in that room, when I'd been taken, you asked me if I loved him. I told you I felt guilty, which was true, but it wasn't because of the immediate danger we were all in at the time. I never stopped feeling guilty Harry. I was giving him less of myself than I should have, living under my alias all the time and hiding my true self away. He didn't know me, not the way you do because there were massive parts of me he didn't know. He couldn't know and I wouldn't tell him."

Harry nodded and waited for her to continue, half fearing what she would say next. "He didn't deserve to die. No matter what happens in my life, I will always believe that. And if he hadn't met me, he'd still be alive and happy in Cyprus and Nico would still have a father. So I feel very guilty Harry. I did then, and I do in a way now."

"Did you love him?" Harry asked, not sure which answer he wanted to hear. For her to say yes she had would be torture, but Harry would know she'd been happy for a time during her exile. To hear no might be better but she would have been with a man she didn't feel for. Was that worse? He was stopped in his musing by her putting her hand on his chest, feeling his heart race.

"No I didn't," she said quietly. "I cared for him, I did. But I didn't… I couldn't feel for him the way I did for you. The way I do for you," she edited, making sure to use the present tense for which he felt very grateful for. "He accepted that there was someone else for me, as I had accepted he would always love his wife more than me. She died," she added as he had been about to interrupt.

"You don't have to say this to spare my feelings," Harry said. "I'd prefer the truth over a well meant lie."

"I know you would. But it is the truth," she murmured.

"Okay." Harry accepted that, and it made his heart lighter.

"I think for me, it is so hard with you because you scare me," she said. His eyes went wide with sadness and alarm. "Not in the way you're thinking. You know me, you see all of me and that frightens me because I have nowhere left to hide. Every other relationship I've had, I've never let my partner know as much about myself as you do. I think it scares me Harry. I don't want to be scared."

"Do I scare you in other ways?" he asked quietly. "After all, I've been known to be violent..."

"No." Ruth spoke firmly and with conviction. "You wouldn't touch me, and I know that."

Harry nodded. It was good to know that she had faith and trust in him, even when it was hard for her to be open. He watched intently as Ruth closed her eyes and shuffled an inch or two closer to him. He put and arm around her tentatively, unsure if she'd welcome his touch or not. For a moment he thought she was going to push him away. Her body became tense but then all of a sudden she relaxed and allowed him to hold her, much to his relief. He moved towards her a fraction, intending to kiss her when her eyes went wide and she arched her back away from him.

"I don't think we should have sex until this is solved. Us. The problems."

"I wasn't thinking that," he said honestly. "I was going to kiss you goodnight. Can I do that?"

"Depends," Ruth said, her lips curving in a slight smile. "You have two ways of kissing me. One is reassuring and letting me know you love me. The other is passionate and makes me feel like you own my soul. The second way I'd have a problem with. At least tonight."

"That's how I make you feel?" he asked in a low voice with a glint in his eye.

"Yes," she said honestly. "And don't look at me like that. You know sex won't solve anything."

"Mm," he agreed. "I'd like to kiss you." She smiled at him and leaned forward, closing the gap and enjoying his light touch. Kissing her soft lips he marvelled at the fact he could have forgotten how good she felt, how sweet she tasted. "How was that?" he asked when he drew away from her.

"Maybe a little bit of both," she said with a smile that reached her eyes. "Goodnight Harry."

"Goodnight Ruth."

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier. Divorce. It was stupid. I'm sorry."

"Forget it," he said, trying to mask how much it had hurt him. Then he realised that hiding emotions was what had got them into this mess in the first place. "It hurt, but I'm glad you changed your mind." She kissed his cheek, revelling in the rough stubble on his cheek and fell asleep. The easiest sleep she'd had in weeks. He watched her and smiled.

"Please don't leave me," he whispered. "I don't know how I'd make it if you left me. You're the only one who sees my weaknesses and doesn't hate me for them. Who loves me anyway. So please don't leave."

"…m not leaving." He squeezed her hand and then closed his eyes, surprising himself by how easy sleep was for him.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry woke up with a groan. He hadn't slept that well in ages. He put his arm out, expecting to feel Ruth, only to be met by the bed sheets. Opening his eyes he tried to fend off the panic that he'd dreamed she was here last night. That he'd imagined it. Or even worse, that in the cold light of day she'd left him anyway. Feeling the sheets again he found that they were still warm, so she couldn't have been gone for very long. As soon as he came to this conclusion he heard footsteps padding up the stairs and breathed with relief. He sat up as the bedroom door opened, revealing Ruth still in her pyjamas holding two mugs of tea. She smiled very slightly when she saw he was awake.

"I thought you'd gone," he said in a low voice.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said, handing him his tea as she got back into bed. "And I'm not a coward enough to run away from anything of anyone in the middle of the night either."

"No you aren't," he agreed. She settled next to him and he could tell she was deep in thought. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," she said. He frowned at her so she continued. "Nothing important I mean. Just work. I was thinking about the Chinese intelligence I gathered yesterday, wondering where I should start today."

"Okay," he said accepting that this time when she'd said nothing, that was what she meant. "Ruth, where were you the other night?"

"Hmm?" she said, not remembering the occasion in question.

"You lied to me. You said you were working and you weren't. Where were you?"

"Honestly, I have no idea," she said. "I went for a walk. An aimless walk around London and I lost track of time and I have no idea where I ended up. When it got late I just got in a taxi and came home. There is no big secret about where I was Harry."

"Okay," he said. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know," she said. "But I don't intend to lie to you again."

"Thank you."

"Why did you and your first wife split up?" she asked quickly before she could lose her nerve.

"One thing you need to understand is that we were very young," Harry started. "I'm not that man any longer. But the reason was that essentially because we weren't in love any longer and I didn't even try to fix it. Instead I slept with other women. I would never do that to you," he added.

"You don't know that," she said reasonably. "What if you fell out of love with me? Stopped caring?"

"I wouldn't. Stop loving you or cheat on you. When you left after Cotterdam I didn't even look at another woman. I didn't have to because you were always in my thoughts. Even when I thought I would never see you again. It didn't matter. I loved you then, I love you now, and I will continue to love you. You're the one for me."

"That's easily one of the most romantic things you've ever said to me," she said, a happy smile on her face.

"Its truthful and honest," he replied.

"Which is why it means a lot to me," she said. She leaned across and glanced her lips across his briefly. "I've been thinking. I think we need to go out together one night a week. One night when we don't discuss work, where we simply have a good time together. What do you think?"

"I think that's a good idea," he said slowly and he saw relief on her face. She'd been nervous about that, he could tell. He wanted to show her that he was accepting of any of her ideas even if he didn't agree with them in the long run. "I'll plan the perfect date."

"No you won't," she said. Then he saw the disappointed look on his face. "I meant that you can't plan the perfect date because I've already had it with you. The first time you took me out to dinner. It was wonderful. It was perfect and when you dropped me off on my doorstep you kissed me so lightly and gently. I don't think anything you could do would top that."

"I could always try," he said quietly.

"You could," she said still smiling. He felt the tension ease between them significantly and, as he reached over to switch the alarm clock off, he knew that in the end they would be okay.

* * *

**Getting a little stuck now about where to go but I hope all the signs are good, so things might get more positive in the next chapter. Thanks for all the fantastic reviews and ideas for this fic. They mean the world to me and make me keep writing, so THANK YOU. xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

A couple of days later things were going okay between the two of them. Harry had booked a table at a nice little restaurant and was cautiously optimistic about their date tonight. He felt his hopes raise still further by the fact that she had dispensed with knocking on his office door too. Just as it should be. He smiled at her as she opened the door, sheets of paper in her hand.

"Harry…"

"Hi," he said gently. "I've got a table booked in a nice restaurant for tonight."

"Harry, I don't care," she said quickly. He raised his eyebrows at her so she edited that. "Well, I do care but I really need you to read this." She handed over the papers and he scanned them quickly.

"Call CO19 and the bomb squad. Get them down there now," Harry said in his best boss on the grid voice. His tone made her smile in spite of the seriousness of the occasion.

"Ruth, I appreciate you smiling like that at me, more than you could imagine, but please call CO19. I don't want a bomb to go up in central London."

"Of course," she said, rushing out of his office and picking up her desk phone. But Harry didn't miss the smile still playing on her lips as she kept speaking on the phone.

* * *

It was almost one in the morning. They had missed their dinner reservations ages ago, but on the plus side they had caught the Islamic terrorists and stopped three bombs blowing up in central London. Harry had sent everyone home except Ruth who was still concentrating on her computer. Leaving his office he saw that she wasn't really reading but simply staring. He stood behind her and she was so tired that she hadn't heard him and jumped slightly when he put his hands on her shoulders. He started rubbing them and felt the tension slowly ease away from her.

"Oh that feels good," she breathed as his fingers worked into her aching muscles. He smiled and kept going as she leant backwards in her chair. "We missed our dinner reservations."

"I know," he said. "Don't worry, the maitre d owes me a favour. We can get in tomorrow night. If you still want to go?"

"Mm," she said. "Right now I don't want to move. You're really good at that." He chuckled, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. Eventually he stopped, his hands resting on her shoulders, fingertips grazing against her collarbone. "Why'd you stop?"

"Because I want you to go up to the roof." Her brow creased in confusion. "Please," he added, eyes begging her to do as he asked.

"Okay," she said, deciding for the moment not to question his motives. She got up and he followed close behind her as they went up the stairs.

Before opening the door she looked at him again. "Go on," he said with a smile.

"Are we ignoring the fact its one in the morning and we really should be at home getting some sleep before coming back here later this morning?"

"Yes," he said firmly.

"Fine," she said with a smile. She opened the door and then gasped. There were several blankets and cushions laid on the roof, a picnic basket and a bottle of wine waiting for them. "When did you do this?"

"At about five o'clock this afternoon, before all hell broke lose. We were never going out for dinner, we were going to come here instead." Harry bit his lip looking at her slightly nervously. "There is a meteor shower tonight, but as well as terrorists conspiring against us, the English weather hasn't exactly been kind." Ruth looked up, seeing the cloud cover and the mist and smiled.

"Oh well."

"If you don't like it or you're too tired we can forget it and go home," he said.

"Are you kidding?" she said. "Minus the pretty stars in the sky this is almost perfect. And I'm no longer tired."

"Good," Harry said with relief, smiling at her. She reached up for him on her toes and kissed his lips softly and gently. He tightened his arms around her as she let him go and smiled. "Sit down," he said happily, pleased that it had gone over well and that she was now wide awake.

* * *

"If I'd known this was waiting for me up here I'd not have bothered being upset about missing our reservations," she said happily half an hour later. They'd both demolished the contents of the picnic basket and were half way through a bottle of very good white burgundy, huddled under a pile of blankets and cushions.

"You know this is a very underrated picnic spot," he replied, an arm around her.

"Mm, it is," she agreed. "Definitely a good idea."

"I was a bit nervous," he said as her head dipped to his chest and he ran a hand over her back. "I hoped you'd like it."

"I love it," she said. "A relatively quiet night in London, a bottle of wine and being cosy with the man I love." She looked back up at him. "Perfect."

"You said it couldn't be perfect," Harry said with a grin.

"Well I was wrong," she replied. "On this occasion I quite like being wrong. But don't tell anyone on the grid that though."

"I wouldn't dare," he said firmly. She laughed lightly and kissed the hollow of his throat. He felt his heart beat loudly at the unexpected closeness. She seemed to sense it too. Drawing back she looked in his hazel eyes now dark with passion and want. "Ruth…" he murmured quietly.

"Yes?" she asked all blue eyed innocence which didn't fool him. He knew that look in her eyes an felt his body respond to her against his will. It had been a long time after all.

"Not here… not like this."

"We're somewhere where we won't be interrupted, we're warm and comfortable and I have to admit that I've never done it on a roof of a building before."

"Do you really want to do this?" he asked, trying to hold her away from his body so she couldn't feel his clear arousal. It didn't work. She rolled her hips towards him and he felt a groan in his throat.

"I want my husband," Ruth said simply. "I love you." With those quietly admitted words he knew he wouldn't be able to resist her. She smiled, guessing what he was thinking. She kissed his lips as his hands went around her, touching and feeling skin. "Oh!" Ruth gasped as Harry flipped her over and loomed over her, kissing her like he never wanted to let her go. She smiled, feeling very comfortable and very much looking forward to the next hour.

* * *

**Well, that went down a route I hadn't expected! I honestly didn't plan that but these two apparently had a life of their own and that's how it turned out! Thanks for all the reviews, and I'm thinking about introducing Elena soon-ish. Thoughts? xxx**


	7. Chapter 7

"That was fun."

"Fun?" Harry questioned, a hand on her bare waist under the blankets as his other hand stroked her hair.

"Yes," she said with a pout which Harry found adorable. "I'd call that fun, what would you call it?"

"Passionate, loving, wonderful," Harry suggested. "Bad for my aging back? All are appropriate."

"How is your back?" she asked concerned.

"Fine," he said with a groan. "It'll be killing me in the morning."

"It is morning," she said. But neither showed any inclination to move. She grabbed his wrist and looked at the time. "God, half past three," she said with a sigh. "We're going to be paying for this at work later."

"Mm," he said, but neither could regret it.

"Have you ever had sex on top of a building before?" Ruth asked. She had noticed earlier that when she'd said it was a first for her he hadn't replied.

"No, I haven't," he said with a smile. "Definitely a new one for me too."

"Good," she replied. "I like to be memorable."

"I didn't need to sleep with you on a rooftop for you to be memorable," he said, a low purr in his voice. "You're easily the most memorable woman in my life."

"Just what I wanted to hear," she said. She kissed him slowly as their arms went around each other. "Harry…" she murmured. "We're not going to get any sleep tonight are we?"

"No." Harry chuckled. "But then again, I've never seen the sun rise over London either."

"That sounds nice," she said quietly, kissing him once more. It was amazingly comfortable, wrapped in each others arms, even though they were lying on a concrete roof.

* * *

By about three that afternoon Ruth was regretting her all-nighter with Harry. Well, not regretting it exactly but it was very difficult to keep her eyes open any longer. Harry, who had had more experience with sleepless nights was doing okay but he could see Ruth was shattered. He emerged from his office and went over to her desk.

"Go home."

"What?" she asked sleepily. "No. You wouldn't give this allowance to any of your other employees for a sleepless night of my own making."

"No. I wouldn't," Harry agreed. "But I'm not married to them, I'm married to you." She smiled at that. "Go home."

"I don't have the energy to argue with your overbearing protectiveness," she said. "I'll probably be asleep when you get in, but wake me anyway."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," she agreed. He leaned over and kissed her, intending it to be light but Ruth had other ideas, not caring that the entire grid was watching. "I'll see you later," she whispered, her voice slightly husky. He smiled at her as she left the grid, everyone suddenly appearing very busy. But he didn't care. He cared that Ruth was opening herself up to him and allowing him to show affection. That was what really mattered.

* * *

Harry got in at six, completely shattered, just having enough presence of mind to set the alarm before going up to bed.

"Everything okay?" Ruth asked sleepily, turning over into his chest.

"Mm," he said. "Too tired to get undressed."

"Okay," she said. "I'm not staying up all night again."

"Me either," he agreed. He kissed her hair and then they both slept for hours.

* * *

Things were going very well between them, until one Tuesday a few weeks later. Ruth had emerged in Harry's office looking slightly worried.

"What is it?" he asked concerned.

"We have a Russian diplomatic flight landing in Heathrow in an hour," Ruth said. She bit her lip before adding something which she knew was going to be a problem. "Its Ilya and Elena Gavrik." Harry's neck snapped up and he stared at her.

"Why are they in London?"

"I don't know," she said. "I called the Home Secretary and he won't speak to me. Apparently you get the information first." Ruth's nostrils were flaring slightly with suppressed anger at being deemed insufficient to handle the information. Harry tried to stop his smile, he knew she was fiercely proud of how good she was at her job and the fact she didn't have clearance would annoy her immensely.

"I'll have a word with him," Harry said, trying to calm her down. "Explain that you have priority one clearance. He should have told you."

"Arrogant git," Ruth said, sitting opposite him. She reached for his hand over his desk and he grasped her firmly. "Who are they Harry?"

He didn't answer but squeezed her hand before pulling it back and typing on his computer, bringing up the information. "Ilya Gavrik was my opposite during my time in Berlin in the eighties," Harry said turning the computer screen around so Ruth could see the Gavrik's for the first time. "I was tasked with getting information about them and reporting back to my superiors in London. Elena was my asset."

"You turned her?" Ruth asked in surprise.

"Yes. She'd only just married Gavrik and I had a limited window of opportunity." Harry was speaking clinically but she glared at him, hearing what he wasn't saying instead.

"Say it." Ruth's blue eyes were staring at him as if daring him to lie to her. He wasn't going to lie to her.

"I had an affair with her."

"Right," Ruth replied in an empty voice. "How long?"

"About four years." Ruth pushed her chair back from the table. "Don't leave," he said desperately. "Please."

"I'm not leaving," she said honestly. "I was going to lock the door. I don't want to be disturbed in this conversation."

"Okay," he said. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Not running," he said as she twisted the lock and sat back down. "I know you want to run."

"I promised I wouldn't leave when I heard something I didn't like," she said. "I'm angry though," she said quietly.

"I know," he replied. She sat down opposite him, breathing heavily and waiting for him to speak. To say something that could explain this Russian adulterer.

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**Massive thanks for all the reviews. Work is picking up now, so I'll update when I can. **


	8. Chapter 8

"Why?" Ruth asked quietly. "Why did you keep it going for so long?"

"Because it was exciting," Harry admitted. "It was illicit and she was…"

"Tell me," Ruth said quietly as Harry seemed to have no intention of finishing that sentence.

"She was trapped in a marriage to a man she disliked," Harry said slowly. "We carried on the affair because neither of us saw a reason to stop it. I loved her for a time, I'll admit that. In a time that was very dangerous for all of us, she was the opposite to that and all the spying. Passionate, vibrant and very alive."

"Three things I'm not," Ruth said quietly.

"Ruth," he murmured quietly, knowing that using that tone sent shivers down her spine. "You are passionate. You don't let many people see that side to you but we both know its there."

"Fair enough," she said with a raised eyebrow, both of them thinking of the night they'd shared on the roof of this very building. She blushed and started smiling even though the subject was less than light. He chuckled at her. "This isn't funny," she said.

"Are you sure?"

"Harry…" she said quietly.

He nodded and returned to the subject at hand. "No matter what happens now or in the future, I wouldn't cheat on anyone ever again. It causes nothing but hurt. I know that. I grew up Ruth."

"That's good to hear," she replied, biting her lip to stop her smile. Harry knew the mood was lightening and continued without as much dread as before.

"She was exotic and beautiful. And she gave me a lot of information, becoming a traitor to her country in the process. It got very complicated and messy. It would probably take a week to explain it so I'm not even going to try."

"I'm not asking you to rehash your past," she said. "I just wanted to know if you cheated on your wife with this Elena."

"Yes," Harry said simply. He turned from her and poured himself a whisky. He looked at her and she nodded so he poured two.

Ruth looked at the picture of Elena still on screen. "She's pretty," she said trying and failing to hide her jealousy. "She must have been beautiful thirty years ago."

"In my memory I suppose she was," Harry said begrudgingly. "But I don't look at her that way anymore. I don't look at any woman anymore. Only you. Its been ten years and I don't see anyone else."

She looked at him, took a sip of whisky, placed the glass down and then he saw her relax. The line of tension in her shoulders vanished and he could visibly see that he'd told her what she needed to hear. He sighed quietly and moved around the side of the desk and put an arm around her shoulders. "Thank you," she murmured. "I know I'm insecure about it but thank you."

Harry kissed the top of her head and stayed holding her. "Thank you for talking to me about it," he whispered. "A month ago you'd have let it fester and not said a word."

"You're not the only one trying to make this work," she said. "I want to ask you something else. The Gavrik's have a son. He's twenty eight. My maths is relatively good Harry." Her blue eyes were staring at him and willing him to speak.

"Sasha is not my son," Harry said, looking at her firmly. "Elena told me that he was but she lied to me. We spent a lot of time lying to each other then. I ran the DNA because I never could trust her. Sasha is not mine."

"That makes me relieved," she said quietly. "I love you whatever happens or happened then. But I'm not going to lie. I'm relieved."

He smiled and lifted her chin with two fingers before kissing her passionately. A soul owning kind of kiss. "God you taste good," he breathed drawing back from her for a second. "I love the taste of whisky on you."

Ruth drew away from him and reached for the glass resting on the desk. She finished the whisky and put the empty glass back and flicked her tongue over her lips lightly. Harry groaned as her lips parted slightly and her eyes sparkled, knowing exactly what she was doing to him.

"God Miss Evershed, I do believe you're teasing me," he murmured, inching closer to her even though she was still sitting in the chair.

"You got my name wrong," she whispered.

"Stand up Mrs Pearce," he said, a glint in his eyes that made her go weak at the knees. She did what he asked and he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her passionately. She moaned into his mouth as the taste of Harry and whisky invaded her senses. Not exactly the ending to the conversation she'd planned, but she might as well go with it. Especially when it felt like that…

"I should get back to work," she whispered, her voice shaking slightly as he held her waist.

"You should," he agreed.

"Find out why the Gavrik's are in Britain. Then let me know," she said disentangling herself from her husband.

"I will," he said watching her leave, filled with hope and happiness.

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**Thanks for the wonderful reviews. The end of this chapter took a more positive turn than I intended, but I don't think anyone will mind! Any ideas for where to go next?**


	9. Chapter 9

**I wrote this chapter and then I completely changed my mind about what I was going to do so I had to rewrite it. Sorry for the delay in posting. Also this gets very near to an M rating so you have been warned!**

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Ruth was at home, flicking through the TV channels and waiting for Harry to arrive. He was meeting the Home Secretary and they were discussing the Russians arrival. Something Ruth didn't like one little bit. Harry had been gone a while and she was trying to distract herself with mindless television, which wasn't working. Luckily, at that moment the door opened and she switched the TV off, waiting for Harry to come in.

"Tell me what he said." Ruth spoke quickly as Harry sat next to her on the sofa, eager to know why the Gavriks were in Britain. He smiled at her tiredly and then stifled a yawn

"Apparently we're in early discussions about a partnership between Russia and us."

"Oh dear," Ruth said biting her lip. "You're not happy are you?"

"Ilya Gavrik has murdered countless British assets. No, I'm not happy," he agreed. "But I'm not a politician so its not my job to negotiate. Towers has that pleasure. He knows I'm angry and highly sceptical but there isn't much I can do."

"Mm," Ruth said, thinking about a partnership deal with Russia. She gasped in surprise as Harry took her feet on his lap and started rubbing them. "Oh, that's good," she murmured as he worked magic on the soles of her feet.

"Today was a lot to take," he said slowly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I am," she said. "I'd hate it more if you lied to me. And I wouldn't mind if she was ugly as sin either."

Harry smiled briefly but kept concentrating on her feet. "Do you believe me when I say I don't care for her?"

"Yes," Ruth said after a moments thought. "I do."

"Good," he said, feeling himself relax slightly. "This Friday there's a reception welcoming the Russian delegation. I have to be there. I would like it very much if you would come with me. I know it will be awkward and uncomfortable, but it would mean a lot to me."

"Of course I'll come," she said. "I'm your wife. If you ask me to join you, of course I will." He smiled at her, this time reaching his eyes.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"Will there be an MI5 presence there?" she asked. "Or have you been invited personally as opposed to professionally?"

"Personally," he said quietly. "There's no threat to security, but it is... important for me to go."

"I'll come," she said with a smile that reached her gorgeous blue eyes.

Harry lifted her foot and kissed it before continuing to touch her gently, much to her frustration. He was being so gentle with her that she wanted infinitely more. She moved her feet away from him and then straddled him within a few seconds. He looked at her in surprise as she leaned down and kissed him passionately, her hands already on his shirt buttons, trying to undo them. "Ruth?" he asked, pulling away but with his eyes sparkling anyway. "Where is this coming from?"

"Today I remembered just what an attractive man you are," she said. "The reminder came from somewhere I'd rather it hadn't, but its there all the same. And I want to sleep with my very attractive husband."

"You don't have to prove anything," he said, even though he had started stroking her thighs at the same time.

"I know that," she said quietly. "Other women can think what they like. As long as you always come home to me." She leaned in and bit his lip gently. "I want to feel you," she whispered, only blushing slightly. "I need you. Unless you don't want me…"

"Don't be stupid, its beneath you."

"I hoped you'd be beneath me," she said suggestively. He chuckled slightly before she leaned in for a long and passionate kiss.

* * *

They'd barely moved from their position on the sofa but were now almost completely naked, holding each other, still joined. Ruth's head was resting in the crook of Harry's neck and she knew that soon she would have to move. She was covered in sweat and was now getting chilled, but the option of moving away from Harry was not an appealing one. As if anticipating her problem, Harry kissed her temple and then leaned away from her, picking up a blanket draped on the back of the sofa. He wrapped it around them both and she smiled her thanks.

"I like this," she murmured.

"What? Sex?" he asked with a raised eyebrow which made her laugh.

"Well, yes but that's not what I meant," she said slowly. "I like how I feel afterwards. I feel… peaceful and happy. And complete. Does that sound wrong?"

"It sounds very you," he said quietly, stroking her hair. "I've noticed lately that…"

"Go on," she said as he looked nervous about finishing the sentence.

"You seem to be initiating sex quite often. I'm not complaining, believe me I'm not," he added fervently. "I just… wondered why."

"You didn't touch me for a long time," she said slowly, thinking through her words carefully. "I think you weren't sure I'd welcome it. I do, I love it when you touch me. You didn't and I didn't either, because I'm usually quite shy. I'm not used to showing affection or desire. Which meant that we didn't sleep together for two months. But I want you to know that I want you as much as I _think_ you want me. I guess that's the answer to your question."

"I do want you," he said. "And I love you," he whispered, eyes sparkling at her. She smiled back at him, and leaned to kiss him slowly.

"I love you too," she replied. "Will I need a new dress for the Russian reception on Friday?"

Harry looked at her, rather disappointed that she could talk about something so normal while they were doing this. He moved inside her and she moaned, low in her throat, a sound so honest that it made him want her all over again. "Come here," he whispered hoarsely. She smiled and did. They didn't move off of the sofa for a long time.

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**Thanks for the reviews and more when I'm able to :-)**


	10. Chapter 10

**I've had to do the Russian reception in two parts as it means everyone gets a chapter today, rather than waiting for tomorrow so sorry its short. There is also an M rated piece before this chapter in "The Morning After" in case anyone missed it to go with this story.**

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In the back of the car heading to the reception Ruth kept fidgeting with her hair, not very happy with it. "Stop worrying," Harry said grabbing her hand and squeezing tightly. "You look beautiful."

"I look like I've been well and truly fucked," she said, disregarding the driver for the time being. He was tactfully focusing on the road and ignoring their conversation for which she was grateful. He was an MI5 driver anyway. "I planned to meet Elena Gavrik feeling calm, collected and peaceful. Not with the very recent memory of you pinning me up against a bathroom wall."

"Ruth. Are you… angry with me?" he asked with a hint of disbelief evident in his voice.

"No Harry," she said in a low voice so the driver couldn't hear her. "Of course I'm not. I just wish I was calmer. All I can think about is your hands all over me. You know me, you know I like to be prepared. I was mentally ready to meet the Russians. And then you looked at me like that."

"I'm not sorry," he said quickly. "You will never get an apology from me for that."

"I know," Ruth said before she sighed. "I'm not either. I guess I'm just not looking forward to this. Although I have to say you look very irresistible in your suit."

"I got that impression," he said dryly and she smirked.

"Come here," she whispered. He did and she slowly and gently kissed him.

"You do look beautiful," he repeated. "The flush in your cheeks has faded and your hair is curling at the ends slightly. Like it does on the grid when we're busy. I love your hair like that. The only tell is that your eyes are sparkling vivid blue and bright. I only know what that look in your eyes means because I know you so well. Trust me, no one except me will be able to tell." He kissed her cheek softy and smoothed her hair down.

"Thank you," she said feeling both her heart rate and her nerves calm very quickly. "I needed to hear that." The car drew to a stop outside the reception and Ruth put a small but genuine smile on her face.

"Ready to face the lions den?" Harry asked.

"Only if you promise you'll save me before I'm eaten," Ruth said biting her lip.

"Of course I will." Harry opened the door and got out, holding a hand out to help Ruth from the car. She took it and smiled as her shoes clicked against the pavement. They walked towards the hall and Harry swallowed nervously, conscious of the people from his past inside the building and the fact that they were slightly late. As they emerged into the entrance hall in a riot of colour Ruth became distracted by several marble statues.

"This is a very glamorous location," she said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes," he said holding his arm out to her as she laced her hand through it. "You'll fit in perfectly." She smiled a private smile as he steered her into the main room. "Not so much me. I'm too old and broken, but you… you'll fit in exceptionally well."

"You're neither old nor broken," Ruth said. "I think we established that in our bathroom fifteen minutes ago." He nodded in agreement smiling with her when a flash of red caught his eye. Much sooner than he would have liked he had seen Elena Gavrik, and could feel the weight of her gaze on himself and Ruth.

"We're being watched aren't we?" Ruth said conversationally, feeling the glare too. "Where?"

"In front of you across the room. Ilya is propping up the bar no doubt sampling the doubtful charms of British vodka." Ruth nodded at her husband once before subtly viewing the room in evidence that she was a spook through and through. He felt proud of her abilities as she turned back to her husband, all evidence that she hadn't even noticed Elena but the tight grip of her fingers gave away that she had. "Are you okay?" Harry asked concerned. The Gavrik's had seen them and it would be rude not to approach them but if Ruth was uncomfortable then rudeness be damned, Harry thought to himself.

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be." She smiled at him tightly and he saw her rubbing her wedding ring almost unconsciously as they approached the Russian couple at the bar. Ilya turned around first a fake smile on his slimy face.

"Harry Pearce," he said quietly. "I thought we'd die without ever meeting again."

"Thought of hoped?" Harry asked with a smile which hid the fact he'd have preferred the latter. They shook hands quickly, in a show of friendliness due to this partnership. Elena was looking between the three of them wondering what to say or if she should remain silent. "Its good to see you Ilya." That was a downright lie and Ruth noticed the slight clenching of his left fist that gave it away. Luckily she seemed to be the only one who knew Harry was lying through his teeth.

"And who is this lovely lady?" Ilya asked nodding pleasantly at Ruth. She smiled back, hiding the fact that his leer was turning her stomach.

"Sorry, where are my manners," Harry said. "This is Ruth, my wife." Elena's eyes flicked up in surprise, studying Ruth more intensely than before and Ruth felt a satisfying bout of pride that she had managed to surprise the Russian tart.

"Hello," Ruth said with a smile. At that moment the barman came over asking if they'd like a drink. Harry diplomatically looked at the Gavrik's glasses but they were almost full.

"A single malt whisky and…" Harry looked at Ruth who nodded once. "A glass of Sauvignon Blanc please." Ruth privately loved how he'd order drinks for her. He seemed to anticipate her moods before she did herself and knew her favourite drinks by heart. She'd never admit in words how much she loved this part of him but the squeeze of her hand on his told him that she appreciated it. They shared a quick private look which neither of the Gavrik's missed.

"I've never been to England before," Elena said in a soft accented voice that Ruth hated on principle. "Does it always rain here?"

"Yes," Harry and Ruth said together. At the moment they were suffering under a fortnight of constant rain and they'd forgotten what sunshine felt like.

"Well I imagine London can be a beautiful city when its not covered in clouds and rain," Elena said still smiling.

"It is," Ruth said fervently. "Its wonderful. Its home." Elena didn't miss the implication that she was the foreigner here. The outsider. But Ruth had spoken with such politeness that Elena could say nothing against her.

"I hope you'll forgive me for saying so," Ilya started as Ruth braced herself for an insult. "But I'm amazed that Harry found such a beautiful and charming wife. What did you do to deserve her Harry?"

"I don't know," he said with such honesty that it made Ruth glow with pleasure. Harry was about to try and extricate themselves when a Russian diplomat required Ilya's attention.

"If you'll excuse me," he said, squeezing his wife's arm in parting before leaving the two women in Harry's presence. Ruths hand relaxed on Harry's arm and he could tell her nerves were fading. But what to discuss now, none of them knew.

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**Any ideas? Many thanks for the reviews so far. They make writing this worth it!**


	11. Chapter 11

Harry wanted to break the silence as he didn't like the awkwardness between the three of them. "Its good to see you again Elena," he said quietly as Ruth took a sip of her wine.

"I never thought we'd meet again," she replied. While her tone was light, no one missed the undercurrent of her words. Elena studied Ruth with a critical eye. "You know don't you?"

"Yes," she said bluntly.

"Be careful Elena," Harry said. "The walls have ears." She nodded her head in acquiescence. "How is Sasha?"

"He's well," Elena said. "He's his fathers son after all." Harry felt Ruth's fingers tighten hard on his hand and he squeezed back in reassurance without looking at her. At that moment they were secondly interrupted by Towers.

"Harry, could I have a word?" Harry nodded and made his excuses to Elena before turning and following Towers. Ruth made to follow suit when Elena made a slightly disbelieving noise in her throat.

"I don't think you were invited," she said with her eyebrow raised.

Ruth smiled indulgently even though her insides were burning. "I work with Harry. Nothing has passed over his desk in the last three years that I haven't seen. He can't shock me any more. It was nice meeting you," she lied easily, following Harry and the Home Secretary across the room. By the time she got within earshot the conversation had finished and Towers had left Harry alone. "What did he want?" she asked.

"Telling me not to annoy the Russians," Harry grumbled. "In spite of our history. The way he was talking made it sound like he expected me to drive them off at the first opportunity."

"Now there's an idea," Ruth said lightly.

"Are you okay?" he asked concerned as he caught her eyes.

"Yes I think I am," she agreed. He smiled at her, eyes twinkling.

"Thank you for coming, I know that wasn't easy." Ruth shrugged her shoulder before the next sentence came out of Harry's mouth making her freeze. "Would you like to dance with me?" He indicated the floor where a few couples were gently swaying to the music.

"Harry, no," she said eyes wide with fear. "I don't dance."

"I know," he said sadly. "Make an exception. For me."

"I can't dance," she said clearly frightened by this request. "I'm useless at it. There's a reason I didn't even dance at our wedding."

"I thought you were so eager to drag me home and have your wicked way with me," Harry said with a smirk. "You don't have to do anything, just follow my lead."

She was silent as she thought about it and Harry knew better than to push her when she was giving something serious consideration like this. "You won't let me trip and fall?"

"Of course I won't." Ruth stayed silent and then when she'd reached her decision she put her hand in his and nodded. Harry felt elated that he'd won this small battle and led her to the floor. He held her close and started swaying to the slow song but he could feel her pulse thundering through her bloodstream. He leaned in closer and whispered in her ear. "How is it that you can face Russian spies calmly and yet when I ask you to dance you start panicking?"

"My realm of experience in dance is very small," she said, concentrating on not stepping on her dress. "And I've been working for you for a long time, that's how."

He smiled and leaned in for a quick brief kiss. "You look beautiful in that dress," he said honestly. He moved to whisper in her ear again. "And you look even more beautiful out of it." She blushed vividly but her only other reaction was to tighten her arms around him and keep dancing.

* * *

Across the room Elena was watching the pair of them as Ilya came back to her. He kissed her cheek and started speaking in Russian. "Everything alright?"

"Of course," she replied with a false smile. "Watching Harry Pearce and his new wife, that's all."

"She'll never last," Ilya said firmly. "She can't be more than forty and Pearce has got to be sixty by now. He's just trying to hold on to his youth, that's all. I'm sure she'll see it sooner or later."

Elena chose not to mention that she knew Harry was two years younger than herself and her husband because she couldn't tell Ilya how she knew that information. "I think she's clever though."

"What makes you say that?" Ilya asked sharply.

"She works with Pearce at MI5," Elena replied. "She told me that much at least. Although I didn't get much else out of her. I don't think she's the trophy wife I expected of a man like him." What Elena really thought was that Ruth was nothing like the women she knew Harry to be attracted to. His first wife had been much like Elena herself. Effortlessly glamorous with an unhealthy craving for powerful men. And Juliet had been that way too Elena seemed to recall. Ruth was different. She didn't like to flaunt herself, even from their brief meeting Elena knew that. Her eyes radiated clear intelligence too. Elena Gavrik was no longer interested in Harry physically but it was interesting to see how he had changed over the years.

"Stop thinking about the Pearces sweetheart," Ilya said kissing her cheek. "There's someone I want you to meet." Elena smiled and followed her husbands lead through the very tedious evening, trying to ignore how clearly the English pair on the dance floor were in love with each other.

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**I think the problems between Harry and Ruth have been sorted out, so I think this fic is drawing to a close. I can't think where to take it next so all suggestions and reviews are very gratefully received! xxx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you all very much for making this fic pass 100 reviews! It means so much to me. I think the previous chapter is the end of the fic if you were after angsty and upset HR. I like how their marriage has got to and I don't want to spoil that. If you want happy and fluffy HR read ahead, as this fic has taken on a life of its own. Hope you enjoy. Also warning of swear words in this chapter...**

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A few days later Ruth was sleeping when she woke to the bedsprings moving. "Hmm?" she moaned as she heard Harry moving around their bedroom.

"Go to sleep," he murmured, walking around the bed and stroking her hair.

"Why are you up?" she asked blearily. "Its early."

"My morning meeting with the PM," he said.

"Oh." She settled back in bed. He had told her about this meeting but her brain was so fogged with sleep she couldn't remember the particulars. Not that it was very important to her anyway. "I'll see you on the grid later?"

"Yes," he said firmly. She leaned on her side and watched with concentration as he got dressed for the day. He smirked slightly, knowing his wife was watching and absently wondering why she found him attractive. He had been a handsome young man but he knew that life in general and middle age in particular hadn't exactly leant itself to help his physical appearance. Why would a beautiful young and (when she chose to be) incredibly sexy woman ever want him? But he supposed the most important thing was the fact that she did find him attractive. And the way her eyes lingered over his figure made that perfectly clear as well as making his heart race in a way he didn't really have time for. He fastened his belt and noticed how her eyes moved over him appreciatively.

"You don't have time for a quickie do you?" she asked without even a blush.

"No, I really don't," he said leaning over and kissed her lips softly. "I doubt very much that the PM would accept the excuse that I'm late because I was busy bringing my wife to orgasm."

"I'd like to see his face if you said that though," Ruth replied with a laugh.

"We'll return to this discussion tonight," Harry said as her hands caressed his face lovingly. "Count on it."

"Good," she said eyes bright. "Wear the blue tie today," she added as he slipped his jacket on and picked up a red tie. "I like you in a blue tie." He smiled and swapped the tie in question. "That's better. I'll see you later."

"I love you," he whispered in her ear, brushing her hair gently aside.

"Love you too," she whispered. "Now let me sleep." He laughed and picked up his keys before leaving the house, happy with his life for once, and especially happy that himself and Ruth seemed to have worked over the bumps in their relationship.

* * *

Ruth groaned quietly as her alarm went off. She switched it off and looked at the time. Quarter to eight in the morning. She'd had a good long sleep and felt properly rested for the first time in ages. She wasn't due onto the grid until nine so she had time to really wake up properly. Getting up she walked into the bathroom and smiled at herself in the mirror. She was happy and that was no small thing for her. She was married to a man she loved and who clearly adored her. It felt wonderful. Opening the bathroom cupboard she got a glass and filled it, needing a drink. However she paused, the glass halfway to her lips. "Oh God." The glass made a loud bang as it hit the sink, luckily not cracking as Ruth picked up her birth control pills almost in slow motion. Being so worried about meeting the Gavrik's last week, she'd forgotten to take two pills. It was only now occurring to her, seeing the packet and counting backwards. And her period was late. "Shit." Ruth slammed the bathroom cupboard shut cursing her stupidity. Never in her life had she forgotten even one pill, and to forget two in one week? But she couldn't be pregnant. She was forty, her age was against her. She simply couldn't be pregnant, the chances were so small. But the possibility was there and she knew it.

Unable to bear standing in silent contemplation any longer she hurried to get dressed and picked up her bag. She needed a pregnancy test and she couldn't wait a moment longer.

* * *

Half an hour later she found herself locked in her bathroom and counting down the seconds on her watch until she could look at the test and see the result. 30 seconds left to go. She hoped it was negative. Harry was too old to want another child. She herself had given up on motherhood years before as she had been single for a long time. It had just never seemed a realistic possibility for her. And the timing of this phantom child could be a bit better than discovering herself pregnant when they'd so recently got over the problems in their relationship. 15 seconds. What was she going to do if it was positive? How on earth was she going to tell Harry that he would be a father again at fifty seven? Would he want to leave her? Would he demand her to have an abortion? No, that didn't sound like Harry somehow. 5 seconds. "Come on," Ruth said to her watch, willing the second hand to move faster. 3 seconds left. Now two. Then one. Ruth held her breath as she looked at the pregnancy test. She needn't have bothered. The double blue line was clear from across the room without her even picking up the stick. "Oh fuck!" And before she knew what was happening she had burst into tears. She cried and cried until she felt completely exhausted and emotionally drained. Rubbing her face she had only one thought in her head. How on earth was she going to tell Harry?


	13. Chapter 13

Ruth had dried her face and carefully applied her make up to make it look like she hadn't been crying. She didn't know how long that pretence would fool Harry who knew her so well but she didn't want to look a complete mess. Arriving at Thames House she was relieved to find herself only two minutes late as she took her place at her desk. Out of habit her glance fell on Harry's office but he wasn't there. She assumed he was still at his meeting with the PM and wasn't too worried. She was more worried about how she was going to break her news. And when. She was a bad liar to people who knew her well. Harry knew when she was lying and when something was wrong. All she could hope is that she could pull herself together in the time it took him to come back from Downing street. In the meantime she decided to drown herself in her work.

* * *

At around ten Harry emerged onto the grid looking particularly worse for wear. "Bloody man always questions about the way I run this department," Harry cursed as he approached Ruth's desk. She smiled half heartedly at him. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," she said focusing on him. "Drowning in paperwork from the CIA, none of which is important that's all."

"Okay," he said, not thoroughly convinced. "Anything I need to know?"

"No, it'll be fine." She smiled again. "I'll call you if anything needs your attention." Her words were professional but she did at least have a spark in her eye which made him relieved.

"Okay," he repeated. "I have some calls to make." She nodded as he returned to his office. As soon as the door closed her smile dropped. She should have known better than to lie to Harry, even if it was a lie of omission. He knew her too well for it to carry any weight at all. He knew she was keeping something from him and she had promised not to lie to him any longer. A part of her hated herself for what she had just done. But she became distracted by her phone ringing. Sighing she threw herself into work for the rest of the morning.

* * *

By three in the afternoon Harry was becoming frustrated. Ruth was clearly upset about something and she just as clearly didn't want to talk about it. Harry was hurt because he thought they'd made progress and moved beyond this. He couldn't take not knowing what was bothering her any longer. So he left his office and walked over to her desk before he could change his mind. She was on the phone but he didn't care. "Rooftop. When your calls finished," he said in his most stern boss voice he could manage. She swallowed and then nodded, watching as Harry left the grid for their meeting place.

* * *

It only took five minutes for Ruth to finish her phone call and follow Harry to the roof. He was leaning on the railings overlooking the city but he didn't turn when she approached, standing close to him. "You promised you wouldn't lie to me," he said in a low voice. "What's wrong?"

She reached across and held his hand gently, reassured by his thumb instantly rubbing the back of her hand. "Harry, I have to tell you something but before I do, I want you to promise me that you won't say anything until you've thought about it for at least a minute or two. I want you to consider it first."

"Tell me you're not leaving me," he said in a low voice thinking that this must be what she was hinting at.

She squeezed his hand tightly. "Of course I'm not leaving you," she said in such a sure tone that he breathed a sigh of relief. "I hope…" she tailed off before being brave enough to voice her fear. "I hope you won't want to leave me once I tell you."

"It can't be that bad," he said reassuringly. "You're not sleeping with someone else, I know you're not so it can't be that bad."

Ruth nodded trying to find the courage to say what she had to confront. "Okay." She took a deep breath and kept hold of her husbands hand. "I'm pregnant." She studied his face carefully as she said those two words, dropping a bombshell into his life. First it was total and complete shock. She had never seen Harry Pearce shocked before, but this had definitely done it. She bit her lip waiting for another emotion to overtake the shocked eyes on his face. Then to her surprise, his face lit up, eyes sparkling with joy, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

"Really?" he whispered. As if he spoke normally the possibility would vanish.

"Yes," she said loudly. This was not the reaction she was expecting from him.

"That's… wonderful," he said, still keeping his voice low. "Just… wonderful."

"Why aren't you upset?" she asked feeling wrong footed. "Or angry?"

"Why would I be?" he asked completely confused. "You're carrying our child. **Our** baby. Its more perfect than I could ever imagine."

"But we're too old," she said. "We've never even talked about children and now its been thrust upon us like this?"

"What would you have said if we had discussed it?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"Probably that I'd like to be a mother in an abstract "its in the future" kind of way, but never really putting it into reality," she admitted. "I gave up on expecting to have a child in my life a long time ago."

"Do you…" he tailed off but then forced himself to continue as she sounded less than eager about this unexpected pregnancy. He felt hollow but he had to ask. "Do you want an abortion?"

"God no!" she said so loudly that a couple of pigeons took flight off of the building. "I couldn't. You think I could even contemplate destroying something that's half you and half me?"

"Well, I'd hope not," he admitted. "I had to ask. I thought you were on the pill?"

"I am. I was. It seems I missed a couple of days last month. I did not do it on purpose Harry."

"It seems your reaction told me that on its own," he said. "Why aren't you happy?"

"Its not that I'm not happy," she said trying to explain how she felt. "I'm… overwhelmed. I don't want to do anything that would mess this child up. I don't want to ruin him or her."

"You're frightened," he said simply and she nodded her agreement, eyes wide. He felt relief that her feelings were stemming from fear of being a bad mother rather than being scared of this unplanned pregnancy. He opened his arms and softly pulled her into his embrace, running hands along her body comfortingly. "Do you want this baby?" he asked simply.

"Yes," she said into his shirt. "Its ours. Of course I do."

"Okay," he murmured. "Then that's all that matters. It is pointless worrying about how you're going to ruin this child for life when for eight months or more she won't even be born. We have to take it one day at a time. Does it really make sense to worry about how to treat our son or daughter when they're older right now?"

"I suppose not," she agreed.

"And you won't ruin him for life," he said in a low voice. "You'll be a fantastic mother, I know you will."

"You think so?" she asked drawing back to look him in the face.

"Of course you will be," he said. "I want you to stay calm though. Stress and raised blood pressure can't be good for the little one."

There was a beat of silence as she took that in. "Have I got this for nine months?"

"Bet your life on it," he said sincerely. She rolled her eyes good naturedly but the panic was over and he could see it in her face. Before he could think about how she might react he knelt down on the roof and put a hand on her stomach. "Hello little one," he said quietly. "Your presence is quite a surprise, but a very welcome one. You have the best mum in the world. She'll teach you about the ancient Greeks and classic English literature and I won't be able to do a thing to stop her. You're going to be so loved." Harry leaned forward and gently kissed her stomach before standing up.

"You are a softie," she said as he put an arm around her shoulders.

"I know," he agreed. "Don't tell anyone. It would ruin my reputation."

"Your secret's safe with me," she replied, her eyes twinkling with happiness. He leaned forward and gave her a soft, gentle, beautiful kiss. Even with the situation they had been discussing, Ruth never wanted it to end. It felt so perfect.

"I'm so happy," he whispered. "And the age thing doesn't bother me."

"You sure?" she asked.

"I love you." He kissed her again and then rested a hand on her stomach. "Both of you." She smiled and allowed herself to drown in his kiss.


	14. Chapter 14

Ruth was in her kitchen cooking a rather large portion of scrambled eggs and waiting for Harry to come home. A meeting with the Home Secretary had overrun slightly but she wasn't worried. In fact she felt buoyant. Her doctor had called her earlier that day and confirmed that her blood tests showed that she is indeed pregnant. Now that some of the shock had worn off and she had lived through Harry's rather enthusiastic reaction to her news she was cautiously optimistic about the future. She was looking forward to becoming a mother even though it hadn't exactly been in her plan. The thought of a brand new life was exhilarating, if a little frightening at times. She poured her well done scrambled eggs onto some burnt toast (just how she liked it) and tipped quite a lot of brown sauce on top of it as her front door opened and Harry came into the kitchen.

"Have you got enough food there?" he asked seeing her eating a large meal.

"I don't know whether its because I'm pregnant and my hormones are already running amok, or because I now have the excuse of being pregnant so I can eat whatever I like."  
Harry smiled at her when something occurred to him. "Should you be eating eggs in your condition?"

"As long as they're properly cooked its fine," she said. "I did look into it. And you know how much I like runny eggs but it seems I have to forgo that for a while. And coffee. And white wine. And all caffeine. God, there's caffeine in chocolate!" She pouted prettily and Harry kissed her softly. She returned to her eggs and finished them in double quick time as Harry made himself some tea. They hadn't yet bought any decaf tea or coffee so he didn't make Ruth one. By the time he added the milk he was surprised to find Ruth next to him, a certain look on her face. He bent and kissed her softly but was instantly surprised by the passion with which she returned the embrace. He tried holding her away from his body but that didn't last long.

"What's wrong?" she asked instantly, sensing his hesitation towards her.

"We shouldn't have sex," he said bluntly.

"Why on earth not?" she asked completely bewildered.

"You're… well, you're pregnant," he finished.

"So that means we can't have sex does it?" She still felt completely lost in this conversation. Harry sighed and decided to be bluntly honest with her.

"When my first wife fell pregnant she didn't like me touching her at all," he said quietly. "I didn't sleep with her for more than a year because she didn't want it. Then very soon after that she fell pregnant with Graham. And the cycle started again. I don't want you to feel obligated to touch me… or please me in that way if you don't want to."

"Is that why you had affairs with other women?" Ruth asked quietly, holding his hand at the same time.

"Its not the reason," he said. "But I did find solace in sex at the time. Its no excuse and I know that. And I would never do that to you, please don't think I would."

"I don't think that," she said. "But I don't touch you just for you. I do it because I want to. I'm not saying I'm always going to feel this way. I'm sure I'll have days where I want to cry because I'm too fat but right now, I want you." He looked at her, hardly daring to believe his ears. "Harry, I'm not Jane. If I didn't sleep with you for nine months I'd go insane. Two months was hard enough. We've already wasted enough time not to waste any more." She smiled honestly at him and then moved so her hand was resting over the front of his trousers. She squeezed gently making him gasp, both at the feeling and how forward she was being. Then she leaned upwards and kissed him as his arms wrapped around her.

"Let me take you upstairs," he whispered.

"Why not here?" she said, a glint in her eyes. She knew from past experience that Harry was particularly adept at making love to her on their kitchen table.

"You're pregnant," he murmured. "I'm going to insist on taking you up to bed rather than start on our multitude of furniture."

"Okay," she conceded with a smile. "Lets go upstairs."

* * *

About forty minutes later Harry found himself contentedly stroking Ruth's body as her eyes fluttered closed in exhaustion. "I don't mean to love you and leave you, but I haven't eaten since breakfast," he said quietly. "I'll be back up soon."

"Okay," she replied, a ghost of a smile on her face. She kissed him lightly before he got up. "Can you bring me my book of Ancient Greek parables when you come back up? Its by the microwave." Harry nodded, not even bothering to ask why her favourite and most dog eared book found its way to the microwave. It probably wouldn't be an intelligible answer to him anyway.

* * *

He came back into the bedroom and handed Ruth her book with a very firm "No."

"What?" she asked sitting up with the book in her hand and allowing the duvet to fall away from her skin. Harry became distracted by her breasts for a long moment but not enough to make him forget his next sentence.

"We are **NOT** and I repeat **NOT** naming our child after one of your ancient Greeks."

"I don't think they are actually **my** ancient Greeks," Ruth replied as Harry got into bed next to her.

"You're missing the point," he said.

"I was flicking through it for vague ideas," she admitted with a blush. "I know its too early for names. And I also know that you'll want something tamer than Adrasteia." Harry looked blankly at her and she giggled slightly. "I'm happy. I know I seemed a little…"

"Scared?"

"I was going to say reticent, but yes that'll do. Scared at first but I am looking forward to the little one arriving."

"Good," Harry said. He kissed her briefly. "I know what you're like. You just need time to wrap your mind around a new idea. That's all." She smiled, feeling like that was probably very true of her character. And then she felt special in how well her husband knew her. She kissed him again and then sat up and read her book very content, and very happy. He watched her rather than do anything else and loved the way the light reflected off of her hair and the concentration on her face. God he loved her so much. And he wouldn't change anything about her for the world.

* * *

**I've written pregnant Ruth quite a few times so I'm at a bit of a loss for what to do with her that's new. Any suggestions or things you'd like to see happen?**


	15. Chapter 15

**Okay, a tiny little update but I'm trying to get something up before I leave for work. Hope you enjoy this and thanks to the reviewers!**

* * *

A few weeks later Ruth walked into Harry's office finding him already draining the whisky. "What is it?" she asked lightly as she sat opposite him.

"I hate Towers," he said without preamble. She smiled at him, encouraging him to go on. "He wants you."

"He can't have me," she said with raised eyebrows.

"Not like that," Harry said, a small smile on his lips. "Although I daresay the slimy git wouldn't mind but he isn't an idiot. He knows we're married. He heavily implied that you'd be a great asset to the Home Office and I don't like it. I like it when you're here."

"Then what are you worried about?" she asked quietly, gripping his hand across the table. "I have no desire to go into politics and he hasn't even asked me yet."

"He will," Harry said firmly. "And it'll be better money, less hours and you'll get to bed at a decent hour. And…"

"And what?" she asked gently.

"He made a good point," Harry admitted. "A reason that I should let you go. You'd be safer." Her brow crinkled in confusion so he continued. "Lucas. Albany. What if someone else took you? Its not exactly a secret how much I love you. Everyone knows you're my weak spot as it were, especially after I gave up a state secret for you. Which I don't regret by the way. Now it would be even worse than the terror I went through then because there are two of you to worry about." Ruth put her hand on her stomach and stroked it gently even though there was no bump yet. "And there is no denying that you'd be safer there than at Thames House. Hence the reason I've started on the whisky so early."

"You think I'm going to take it?" she asked quietly.

"No," he said with a firmness that surprised her. "I think if left to your own devices, when Towers asks you, you'll say no and stay here. But I think that you **should** take it." They both sighed quietly. "I know you're not particularly ambitious but you're too intelligent to still be at the pay grade I hired you at. I can't pay you more with my budget and as well as that, you could do more there. If it wasn't for me would you still be at Thames House?"

"No," she said surely. He looked at her and wondered if he should be pleased with how highly she clearly thought of him. "I wouldn't have come back to work here when I returned from Cyprus if you were no longer here. I do like making a difference, but I'd be lying if I said that you weren't the main attraction for me."

"I love you," he whispered and she smiled at him.

"Wait until he offers me something," Ruth said. "If I'm just going to be pushing paper I'd rather stay here, plus he might not want someone who's going to be on maternity leave in seven months time."

"Will you tell him?" Harry asked. "About the baby?" They had made the decision not to mention anything until she was three months along. She was only about two at the moment.

"I'll have to," she replied. "Its hardly fair to let him hire me and then tell him I'll be leaving for a few months."

"Okay," Harry said, very glad he'd talked to her about this development. She made him feel much better about the whole thing just from talking about it. "Also, if you take this job do bear in mind that you'll be involved with the Russian partnership deal. Which might occasionally bring you into close contact with…"

"Elena," Ruth finished for him, feeling a thrill of revulsion through her as she said the name. "I'm not going to let your past ruin my future Harry."

"I love you," he repeated. She stood up and leaned over the desk, kissing him fervently. He enjoyed the moment which was broken all too soon by Ruth's mobile ringing in her pocket. "Tell me that's not who I think it is," Harry said darkly.

"Sorry," Ruth said after she'd looked at the caller. She picked up the phone and left his office, the only words Harry heard was her greeting of "Home Secretary." He sighed but put the whisky bottle away. Drinking away his sorrows wouldn't help.

* * *

"Miss Evershed, I would like to discuss a job opportunity with you over dinner," he said easily.

"I can't do dinner," she said automatically. "Lunch maybe?"

"Can Harry not spare you for one evening?" he asked a hint of humour in his voice.

"I'm sure he can," she replied. "Would you like to be keeping a constant watch on the door as he growls at my presence with you?"

"Fair point," he conceded. "So you'll discuss changing the air to this part of the city?" he asked and she could hear the surprise in his voice.

"I'd like to hear what you have to say," she replied truthfully.

"Okay," and she could hear that he was almost gleeful. "I'll have my secretary call you with the details when I have a gap in my schedule."

"Of course Home Secretary. Goodbye." She wasn't eager to stay on the phone to him, much preferring to discuss things like this in person. That way she could read faces as well as what was actually being said in words. Opening her latest terror report she could feel eyes on her and Ruth glanced up. Harry was watching her warily. She smiled reassuringly at him. He smiled back and then drew the blinds. They both got back to work, thinking about what the future may hold for the three of them.


	16. Chapter 16

**I've been completely distracted by the Olympics so writing this has turned very slow with the amount of sport available! Hope you enjoy it in spite of the wait.**

* * *

Ruth woke up and felt nauseas. She hadn't yet suffered from morning sickness but her unsettled stomach let her know that today it was happening. She pushed Harry's arm off of her waist where it had settled the night before and dashed to the bathroom. Harry sat up and winced when he heard her throwing up. He made a decision to follow her and gingerly approached the bathroom door. "Ruth?" he asked carefully, opening the door hesitantly.

"Go away," she moaned quietly. He stayed by the door unsure of whether to listen to her or to stay with her. "Please, I don't want you to see me like this."

"Okay," he said, knowing what that tone of voice meant as she started to retch again. Harry went downstairs and switched the kettle on, deciding to make her a camomile tea which she had taken to drinking a lot recently. He made his way upstairs and heard running water from the bathroom so he assumed she had finished throwing up. He had left the teabag in her mug as she liked it and put it on her bedside table before getting back into bed and waiting for her. She emerged from the bathroom looking pale faced but she smiled when she saw her tea.

"Thank you," she said getting into bed next to him and giving the teabag a prod.

"How are you feeling?"

"Empty," she said. "But generally okay."

"Good," he said. He leaned towards her, intending to kiss her when she backed away.

"You don't want to kiss me," she said simply. "I've just been throwing up, you really don't want to."

"I do," he said firmly, eyes twinkling. He leaned towards her and brushed his lips feather light across her cheek. With two fingers on her chin he tilted her head the other way and kissed her other cheek. Then he moved and glanced his lips across her eyelids and he noticed with satisfaction that her breathing was slightly heavier. Smirking to himself he placed her mug on the bedside table so it wouldn't spill over and leaned over her body, kissing the tip of her nose until he reached her lips. He brushed his lips over hers incredibly softly twice before she sighed in complaint. Taking pity on her, he kissed her more passionately, tongue tasting and exploring her mouth as he had so often before. He drew back, enjoying the sight of her heaving chest and flushed cheeks as her eyes fluttered open.

"Is your meeting with Towers today?" he asked calmly.

"Do I look like I want to talk about William bloody Towers?" she asked angrily. He chuckled as she arched her back and leaned upwards to kiss him thoroughly, silencing his laugh very effectively indeed.

* * *

Ruth had arranged to meet Towers at the restaurant simply because she didn't think having the Home Secretary on the grid would do Harry's blood pressure any favours at all. And she knew that Towers was busy and felt sure that he'd cancelled something to meet with her. "Ah, Mrs Pearce," Towers said happily as she arrived in the restaurant. "Good to see you."

"Home Secretary," she said in greeting.

"None of that," he said as they took their seats. "Please call me William."

"If you insist," Ruth acquiesced.

"And I can call you Ruth?"

"Of course," she said quickly establishing that they were going to be on first name basis. They were interrupted by the waiter taking their order. By the time their drinks had arrived some of the awkwardness had vanished. "So tell me, what was so important that you dragged me away from my new processing software at Thames House?"

"I want to offer you a job," he said plainly. "I'd like to snare you away from Harry is probably the least flattering way to put it."

"What kind of job?"

"Well you can hve whatever title you like," he said bluntly. "Whatever suits your fancy, but essentially you'd be liaising between my office and section D. It would eliminate the need for those meetings between myself and Harry which are only getting longer and more tedious. I'm sure he likes them even less than I do." Ruth inclined her head but didn't say anything to this (perfectly true) statement. "You'd be briefing me on the latest threats and acting as my go between. I'm sure with time you'd integrate yourself into the world of politics at least slightly. More so if you wished. Negotiations and such."

"Like the discussions with the Russian partnership currently going on?" Ruth asked.

"Essentially yes," Towers agreed. "If you want to…" he paused clearly thinking of the right word. "…avoid the Gavrik's I understand."

Ruth smiled blandly at him. Towers clearly knew or at least suspected Harry's history with both Elena and Ilya. "Home Secretary, **if** I work for you my personal feelings will not get in the way of me doing my job, I assure you."

"Its William," he repeated, but he was smiling as if he expected nothing less from her.

"I'm not a fool Ruth. I don't want to come between you and Harry. But you are too intelligent to be kept in Thames House's dingy basement for the rest of your career. I thought I'd offer you an opportunity."

"William, before we go any further I feel I should be honest with you," Ruth said, bracing herself for a few seconds before speaking. "I'm pregnant." Towers raised his eyebrows but nothing else betrayed his surprise. "So you might not want to hire me when I'll be requiring maternity leave in a few months time."

"Congratulations," he said. He was hiding his emotions so well that for the first time Ruth really appreciated that he was a politician. "Your husband really is a lucky bastard." Ruth laughed slightly, she couldn't help it. "Of course my job offer still stands. Can you imagine what the press would do if they thought I was disregarding a potential employee simply because she's pregnant?"

"Well, I do hope that's not the only reason," she replied.

"I've seen the overview of your annual assessments," Towers said. "I daresay within six months you could have produced more work than the entirety of my staff."

"How did you get hold of my assessments?" Ruth asked more than a little intrigued.

"Spies aren't the only people who can go pilfering through records," he said with a raised eyebrow.

"I will think about it," she said sincerely as her pasta arrived.

"Do," he said. "Its better hours and more money. Let me spend the rest of this lunch trying to persuade you."

"Fine," she said as she started to eat her lunch. The meal was too good to miss out on, even though her brain was working over time at the proposition Towers had given her.

* * *

Harry was waiting for Ruth to come back from her lunch with Towers with increasing impatience. He desperately wanted to talk to her, unaware of whether she would chose to leave Thames House or not. He didn't know which he would prefer. He enjoyed having her at Thames House but the Home Office would be so much safer. Even if he couldn't spend all day watching the light reflect off of her hair and the sparkle in her eyes. He looked up as she came into his office and smiled. "What happened?"

"He wants me to liaise between here and the Home Office," Ruth said. "So if I took the job I'd still see you."

"Do you want to?" he asked quietly. "Take the job?"

"I don't know," she said. "I want to think about it. I need time."

"Okay," he said quietly, holding back a sigh. "Tell me good things."

"I love you," she whispered, approaching him and leaning against his chest.

"That's a good thing," he whispered into her hair. "A very good thing." He kissed her temple and continued to hold her for long comfortable minutes.

* * *

**If you have a minute I'd love a review! Thanks for those so far xx**


	17. Chapter 17

**Still awaiting Britain's first gold medal... In the meantime I wrote this little bit...**

* * *

A couple of days later Harry awoke first which was slightly unusual as Ruth had been suffering from morning sickness everyday. He looked at his sleeping wife and smiled. He reached for her and gently sneaked a hand onto the curve of her stomach. The baby wasn't making its presence known yet but they both knew it was there which was a wonderful and exhilarating thought.

"Hello little one," he murmured, his thumb over her skin. "Do you know how much I can't wait to meet you? I'm so looking forward to these next few months and watching you get bigger. I'm sure your mum will hate getting fatter but I'll love it. I'm sure that when you're at school you'll be embarrassed by your old and out of touch parents but as long as you're happy and healthy that's all that matters. As much as I'm looking forward to your arrival, I'd really like it if you'd do me one small favour. Your mum is having a bit of a hard time. She keeps waking up very early and sick due to you. If you could help with the morning sickness I'd be most grateful." Harry rubbed her stomach one more time, not really expecting it to make any difference at all. It was only later when they locked the house and headed to the grid that Harry realised she hadn't thrown up this morning. He had a smile on his face all day.

* * *

Later that evening when everyone else had gone home Ruth opened the door to Harry's office and hovered there. "What is it?" he asked quietly. She was making him nervous. Ruth walked in and placed a small sheaf of papers on his desk.

"I'd like you to sign it please."

Harry read it briefly and sighed. "You're leaving."

"I need to," she said with a small smile. "When I become a mother I want to be home at a decent hour, but I still want to do what I love. This is the best solution I feel."

"You're right," he said quietly. He smiled at her and quickly applied his signature to her form of resignation. He left it on the desk but she didn't bother to pick it up.

"I'll be gone by Monday," she said quietly. "I called Towers earlier and he's going to put my transfer through by the end of the week."

Harry nodded, trying to hide the fact that he would miss her terribly. "I know it's the right decision. But I'll miss you here."

"I know," she said just above a whisper. "I fell in love with you while working here."

"Please don't fall for your new boss, I don't think I could stand the heartbreak."

"Of course I won't," she said. She leaned over the desk and glanced her lips across his briefly. "Only you. I've never felt for anyone the way I feel for you. Changing my place of employment doesn't alter that one little bit."

He smiled a genuinely happy smile at her. "Good. And for the record, I love you more than I believed possible." She smiled back at him and reached for his hand.

"Please don't terrorise my replacement," she said with wide eyes.

"I can't promise that," he said with a growl.

"You'll terrify the poor girl witless!"

"Girl?" Harry questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"I looked into getting someone to replace me," she admitted. "Someone you wouldn't hate. I've found an intelligent girl from GCHQ. She's very good and with a bit of time she'll be almost as efficient as me."

"Never," Harry said with a twinkle in his eyes.

"She's the best I could find within a time limit," Ruth said. "If you stop thinking about her as my replacement I'm sure you'll get along well."

"What's her name?"

"Claire Tyler." She smiled and knew that he was dying to ferret out more information about her. She decided to be a little naughty. "Her information has been sent over to you," she said as he turned to his computer. "Tell you what, you can check her out and make sure she's up to scratch, in the meantime I'll be waiting at home. In our bed. And I won't be wearing anything at all. Take your time." She smiled knowingly, taking the paperwork from his desk and quickly leaving the grid, pleased with the knowledge of how much she could affect her husband. Harry stared after him struggling against his arousal just from the images her words had created. He did a cursory check on Claire Tyler but his heart wasn't in it. He trusted Ruth's judgement and his desire for his wife was stronger than any urge to check an analyst on the MI5 system. He waited only long enough to get his body under control before he quickly left his office, hurrying home to Ruth.

* * *

**Apparently Ruth's hormones means she has to have Harry at any opportunity! Hoped you liked this update x**


	18. Chapter 18

It was Sunday morning and Harry and Ruth were enjoying a rare lay in. Friday had been her last day on the grid and both had felt very strange as they watched her (many) files being requisitioned and taken back to the archives. Her desk had seemed so small without the clutter filling it up and it was now ready and waiting for Claire, her replacement whom Harry had deemed acceptable with little more than a grunt of acknowledgement.

At the moment Ruth was drifting in and out of sleep when she felt Harry's hand caress the curve of her stomach. She smiled but stayed still so he could touch her, which he did gently and lovingly. "Hello little one," he murmured. "And I know you're awake," he added in a normal tone. Ruth opened her eyes and smiled at him. He stroked her stomach once more. "You're starting to show."

"No I'm not," she replied firmly. She'd been studying her body carefully over the last week or so, waiting for the baby to make its presence known.

"You are," he insisted. "Your stomach has got more of a curve than it did. Just slightly, but its there."

"Its fat," Ruth replied bluntly.

"No, its our baby." He kissed her hair lightly. "I know your body so well, trust me." She chose to believe him because it was what she most wanted to think.

"I'm nervous about tomorrow," she admitted. "I'm so used to having you as my boss. And you were always… lenient with me."

"Lenient was I?" he asked wit a raised eyebrow.

"Yes," she said firmly. "And you know it."

"You were special," he said grudgingly.

"And I love you for thinking that," she said with a smile. They both lingered over a deliciously slow kiss before she interrupted. "You haven't forgotten about Friday have you?"

"Of course not," he said. "Our first scan, and yes I will be there no matter what happens during the day."

"Good," she said. "I want you there. It will mean a lot to me to share this with you. Firstly because you're the baby's father but more importantly because its you. Its us." He smiled again. "What did you think of Claire?" The new arrival had spent a couple of hours on the grid in the afternoon and Ruth still held to the view that she would settle in very well.

"Too young, too inexperienced, too small and pretty so every male on my staff will go dizzy over her, and more importantly she isn't you." Ruth didn't know what to say to that so she stayed silent as her heart dropped. She had been so sure that Claire would fit in. "But I think you're right. She will do well. Thank you for finding her."

"I couldn't leave you without an analyst could I?" she said with relief.

"Luckily for me, I'll always have an analyst waiting for me at home," he said, voice low and eyes burning. She felt her face and body go warm from that look and knew it would be a long time before she got breakfast that morning.

* * *

Ruth arrived at the Home Office feeling nervous. There were other people starting to arrive quietly and she had no idea where she should be. Settling for compromise she knocked on Towers office door, pleased that he at least seemed to be here early. "Yes?" Ruth came in and the already stressed look on his face vanished when he saw who'd arrived. "Ah, Ruth. I'm glad you're here."

"Good morning," she said with a smile. "I wasn't sure where I should start?"

"Oh yes, I'll have Margot sort out a desk for you," Towers said. "If this morning you can just get acquainted with the system, I'm sure its different from Thames House, This afternoon I have a meeting with the Russian delegations and I'd like you to tag along. It wouldn't hurt to see how things are done would it?"

"Of course Home Secretary," she said with a smile. In truth she was quite eager to see how a political meeting happened, it was so different to hunting through the archives like she'd done on the grid. The chance of meeting Elena and the certainty of meeting Ilya marred that only slightly. She knew that Harry was hers, more than he had ever belonged to the Russian. She left Towers office and found an eager mousy woman waiting to meet her, leading her to her brand new desk.

* * *

"How was it?" Harry asked the second he came in the door.

"Interesting," she said slowly as he sat next to her on the sofa. "Strange not being on the grid but good generally. I still think it was the right choice."

"Good," Harry said letting his breath out in a rush. He had been nervous about her reaction but she had seemed to enjoy it.

"I met Ilya today," she said as he took her feet in his lap.

"Oh?" he said, very carefully and measured.

"As slimy as a snake was my first impression," she added. "My second was that political meetings are generally very boring."

Harry let out a low chuckle. "A very apt summary." He rubbed the soles of her feet gently. "I missed you today."

"I know." She felt it too. A pleasant and longing ache in her heart, but it did make the coming home more sweet. "You'll see me tomorrow. I'm picking up Claire's first security report, analysing it and passing anything necessary onto Towers. So I'll be on the grid at some point."

"That makes me feel better," he said. "I know I'll always see you but it'll take some…"

"Adjusting?" Ruth suggested.

"Yes." He sighed before continuing. "For eight years you've either been on the grid under my eye, or I've been wanting to know you're safe. Longing to see you again. Just wishing I could see your face. Those three years were… difficult."

"I know," she replied. "They weren't easy for me either. But we're here together now. And that's the important thing."

He smiled at her because as usual, she was right. "Yes, we're here. Together. And looking forward to this brand new life." He sealed the statement with a brief kiss before a comfortable silence enveloped the pair of them.

* * *

**Thanks for the reviews everyone! I'm still somewhat distracted by the Olympics so I hope this makes sense and I'll try to get another chapter up soon!**


	19. Chapter 19

Ruth was amazed the next day about how long it took her to clear security at Thames House. Her security pass had been taken away, once she'd left her job and she was used to being simply nodded through security when she was with Harry. She was seriously considering asking Harry to give her pass back to her. It would save all this hassle, especially as she was going to be here twice a week. Going through the pods she saw Claire sitting at her desk and felt an immediate dart of dislike run through her. The new girl was sitting at Ruth's desk? And then she reminded herself that she no longer worked here and felt slightly foolish. She walked over to Claire and the blonde smiled at her.

"Hello Mrs Pearce," she said happily.

"Oh please call me Ruth," she said quickly.

"Okay," she said. "I have your report here, I hope its okay." Ruth took the proffered file and smiled.

"Is there anything of major significance?"

"Not really," Claire replied. "We're holding a few suspected Islamic terror suspects but other than that its relatively boring." Ruth sensed the girls disappointment and smiled. Just wait until she had suffered more sleepless nights than she could count. She'd be begging for quiet days then. Her gaze drew out of instinct towards Harry's office and felt surprised by the fact the blinds were drawn. Whenever she'd worked there the blinds had always been open. But maybe that had been because Ruth had been working here at the time. Claire followed her predecessors gaze and coughed gently making Ruth tear her gaze away.

"Have the blinds been closed all day?" Ruth asked quietly.

"Yes," Claire said knowing that she was speaking to the wife of her boss and being very careful about what she said, so she limited herself to that one word response. Ruth sensed she wouldn't be more forthcoming on her own steam so she pursued the conversation.

"I know he can seem a little… distant and remote at times. Maybe harsh sometimes," Ruth said quietly. "It wears off after a while. You'll get used to him, trust me."

"Has he… mentioned that he might sack me?" Claire asked nervously.

"No, he isn't going to sack you," Ruth said firmly. "There is a learning curve and you're doing fine. He thinks you'll fit in well."

"I hoped so," she said sighing with relief. "I could never live up to you. You're his wife, I'm never going to reach his expectations." Ruth raised her eyebrow slightly and Claire rushed on. "Not that you weren't good at your job, I didn't mean that at all. I just meant…"

"I understand," Ruth said with a smile. "And between you and me, I think he does have inflated expectations of my abilities. Thanks for the report and I'll call through if I have any questions."

"Sure," Claire said returning to her computer. Claire diplomatically ignored Ruth as she headed straight to Harry's office instead of the pods and entered without knocking. Something Claire had already learned not to do.

"When will you learn to bloody knock!"

"I thought I didn't have to." Harry's head turned towards the door and he smiled when he saw his wife. Quickly getting up he approached her with a speed that surprised her and kissed her deeply as she dropped her file, pressing her into the office door. "What was that for?" she asked breathlessly as he leant in to kiss her again. One hand stayed on her waist as the other traced up to cup her breast and his tongue invaded her mouth, exploring and tasting her thoroughly.

"Because I want to," he breathed. She initiated the next kiss, a light glance of lips which he deepened. His hand moved from her breast, stroking the curve of her stomach before gripping her thigh. At the same time she registered this fact she heard the lock on the door click.

"No, we can't," she said quickly sensing where this was going very quickly. His reply was to lave is tongue softly over her neck, knowing where she liked it. "I need to be back at the Home Office." His lips went to the V of her blouse as his hands went to her inner thighs. "I'll be missed."

"Tell Towers there's traffic…" he murmured. "I don't care what lie you use."

"Harry…"

"Unless you don't want to," he said drawing back. He would never force himself on any woman and she knew that perfectly well. Her eyes burned at him.

"God Harry! You infuriating man! You know what my hormones are doing to me!"

"I'm counting on it," he whispered, eyes dancing with mischief, making him look years younger.

"I hate you," she whispered as his lips returned to her neck and he lifted her skirt slightly.

"No you don't," he said with a confidence which would have been incredible to him only a few months before. He pushed that thought aside and focused making his wife moan his name in ecstasy before she left the grid.

* * *

That night Ruth was reading in bed and Harry sneaked a hand over her stomach. "Towers knew."

Harry was in no doubt that she was referring to their tryst in his office that afternoon. "How?"

"I don't know how. I was barely even late, but he knew. I could tell."

"It doesn't matter," Harry said quietly, knowing that to her, it would.

"Were you just marking your territory?" He stared at her open mouthed, amazed that had even occurred to her because it certainly hadn't to him. "Doing something to make you better than my new boss? Wanting to prove you were a better man?"

"No, of course not," he said honestly. "I wanted you. It started and ended there." He stroked her arm gently as she slipped a bookmark in her book and put it down. "I'd been going over details about the Russian contingent and I remembered how you looked in that green dress that night. How beautiful you looked, like you always do. And then you were in my office and I wanted you so badly. That's what happened today." He was completely silent as she thought about his words. He knew not to interrupt as she needed to process things her own way. But he considered this to be progress. Before she'd have had these negative thoughts and wouldn't have shared them with him.

"Okay," she said. "I don't want any more quickie's in your office though." He raised his eyebrows in question. "I can't concentrate all day and I make mistakes because I'm thinking of you. And I don't like mistakes."

"Okay," he agreed. "We couldn't have you making a mistake could we?"

"No we couldn't," she said. She smiled and kissed him goodnight before switching the light off. He stroked her stomach once before they both slipped into a contented sleep.

* * *

**Thanks for the reviews so far! Sorry updating is so slow, I'm riveted by the Olympics!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Thanks for all the reviews everyone! They mean so much to me. On to Ruth's scan...**

* * *

Ruth was tapping her foot on the floor of the hospital waiting room, impatiently waiting for both her appointment and her husband to arrive. Harry had about five minutes before she would consider him late and she would not resign herself to reading those worn magazines that seemed to be eternally in waiting rooms. Ruth felt a flutter in her stomach and knew it was nerves. The baby would not be moving at all for a good few weeks yet. Across from her a blonde overly manicured sixteen year old was arriving, heavily pregnant and it just reinforced Ruth's view that she was too old to be doing this. No, she wasn't, she told herself. She was mature enough to give her baby a proper loving home, and that was what mattered.

"Hi," Harry said, drawing her from her thoughts as he kissed her briefly. "I'm not late am I?"

"No, I'm early," she said as he sat down next to her. He held her hand and rubbed her skin softly, seeming to sense her worries.

"Everything is going to be alright," he said quietly so other patients couldn't hear him. "I promise."

"What if its not?" she asked, the fear clear in her eyes. "What if there's something wrong with the baby?"

"Stop." He used his most forceful voice and even though it was the least loving way he ever spoke to her, oddly enough it calmed her. Some things may change but Harry wasn't going to be one of them. "It will be fine. And if it isn't, we'll deal with that then. There's no point worrying now. Okay?"

"Yes," she said, a smile over her face. She leaned towards him and kissed him lightly, ignoring the look of disgust the pregnant sixteen year old was sending in their direction.

"Mrs Pearce?" The pair of them got up and headed through to the examination room, Harry's hand gently on her back.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Stevens, I'm your OB and I'll be with you throughout your pregnancy." The doctor was smiling and Ruth nodded once, having already met her, although briefly.

"Where did you study?" Harry asked, quite confrontationally in Ruth's opinion.

"Harry…" she warned.

"Its okay," the doctor said easily. She turned to Harry and spoke calmly. "I got my degree at Manchester University. From there I went to medical school in Birmingham and graduated in the top three in my class, receiving my PhD. I did a further two years of study into neonatal and antenatal medicine before I was employed by this hospital as a resident. Once I became board certified, I stayed in this hospital because in the meantime I got married. I have worked my way up and I am second in my department behind Doctor Wells. Does that answer your question?"

"Yes, thank you," Harry said without a trace of embarrassment.

"I apologise for my husbands behaviour," Ruth said as she perched on the exam table.

"Its okay," she replied with a smile. "Its nice to meet a father who cares, when so many clearly don't. Anyway, lets get started. Have you had any pain or any problems?"

"Just a touch of morning sickness in the last few weeks," Ruth said as the doctor wheeled the ultrasound machine closer to the bed. "Its fine now and didn't last too long though. Otherwise everything's been fine."

"Okay good," she said taking a note. "If you'd like to get comfortable and raise your shirt please." Ruth did as she was asked, Harry sitting next to her, his face so eager to see their child. More so than herself, she thought with a smile. "Right, this'll be cold," the doctor said, putting the gel onto Ruth's stomach. It was very cold and she squeezed Harry's hand in surprise. They could both see the screen but at the moment it just looked like a mass of wavy black and grey lines as the doctor moved the wand across the expanse of her stomach.

"Okay, everything looks good here," she said slowly as she moved the machine into focus. "Your uterus looks good for 12 weeks. And here is your baby." The doctor pointed on the screen.

"That's it?" Ruth said. "Its tiny! It doesn't look like a baby, it looks like a bean!"

"Ruth," Harry said sternly but the doctor interrupted.

"It is within the size of about 12 weeks," she said. "I'll zoom in a bit more." They waited while she did and then Ruth sighed with relief.

"Now that looks more like a baby," she said tartly. Harry laughed at her and kissed the top of her head lovingly.

"You're impossible," he said. The doctor smiled at the pair of them and altered the sound on the machine so suddenly a heartbeat filled the room. "Oh, that's a beautiful sound," Harry murmured.

"Oh my God," Ruth breathed happily. The doctor left them in peace for a few minutes and Ruth kept staring at the screen in wonder. "I can't believe it," she whispered. "I mean, I know I'm pregnant, but seeing it like this…"

"It makes it real," Harry said, echoing her thoughts. And it did. It made it real in a way nothing else could have done.

"We need to start refurbishing the spare room you know," Ruth said quickly. "We only have six months left, plus soon I'm going to be too fat to help."

"You are not doing any lifting in your condition," Harry said firmly.

"I know that, but I could help by painting the walls and things like that couldn't I?"

"Can we have this argument later when we're not busy looking at our baby?" Harry said. Ruth turned back to the screen and felt her eyes filling with tears. She didn't need to tell Harry they were tears of joy. He already knew.

* * *

That evening when they both came home from their separate jobs they didn't say much to each other. Their joy and happiness was radiating from the inside. In the way their hand lingered over each other and when they were caught by the other staring at the ultrasound picture. In bed later, Ruth curled around her stomach as Harry watched her and stroked her hair lightly.

"We should call Catherine," she said quietly.

"Hmm?"

"Tell her I'm pregnant."

Harry sighed. "I don't know how she'll react," he said.

"Neither do I," Ruth said. "But it'll be worse if you don't tell her and you know it. Your daughter has a habit of showing up unannounced. If I answer the door and she sees my bump, it will be much worse."

"You're right," he said. "I'll call her tomorrow. I promise."

"I know you don't like talking about difficult things," Ruth said slowly. "I can do it if you'd rather."

"It should come from me," Harry said firmly. "And if she's angry I would much rather it be directed at me than you. I don't want you stressed more than necessary."

"Okay. But be nice. Be kind. Don't be… you know. Boss Harry," Ruth said.

"I thought you liked boss Harry," he said with a raised eyebrow.

"I do. She won't."

"I'll call tomorrow," he repeated. "Sleep. You need to take care of our son."

"You're determined it's a boy aren't you?"

"I must admit, I would like a son," he said sheepishly. "I made so many mistakes with Graham. I'd like another chance to do things right. So I am hoping it's a boy. But if it's a girl I will love her as much as I possibly can."

"I know that." Ruth sighed and shifted closer to him. "Where is Graham?"

"Manchester," Harry said promptly. "It looks like he's moved in with his girlfriend but I am trying not to pry so I'm not looking into it too closely."

"Good man. He knows he can call if he needs to," she added. "Catherine looks out for him too."

"I know." Harry sighed. "I'm glad he seems happy, its just a shame he doesn't want to know me."

"Give him enough time and he'll forgive you," Ruth said wisely. "You just have to not push him."

"Hmm." Harry kissed her softly. "I love you."

She smiled into his shoulder. "I know."


	21. Chapter 21

Harry took a deep breath before picking up the phone and dialling through to his daughter. He waited with increasing anxiety for her to pick up. As it kept ringing he looked at is watch, surprised that she still hadn't answered. It was half past eleven on a Saturday morning.

"Go to hell," Catherine moaned quietly as she picked up the phone

"Good morning to you too," Harry said quietly.

"Dad?" she questioned slowly and blearily. She'd clearly been sleeping and was just coming to her senses. Harry felt slightly guilty for waking her up but that was eclipsed by the nerves about the news he had for her very quickly. "Why are you calling so early?"

"Its nearly midday," Harry said reasonably. "Its not that early."

"When you were out until four in the morning its ridiculously early," Catherine said with a yawn. Harry smiled as he could tell that his eldest was fully waking up now.

"And just what were you doing out until four in the morning?" he asked, his tone only slightly reminiscent of a father telling his daughter off.

"Dad, I'm twenty eight, I can stay out as late as I choose." She yawned again. "Its nothing to do with you. Its not like I'm sneaking out. Anyway, why were you calling? Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," he assured her quickly. "I wondered if you could meet me for lunch today." He'd decided this information would be better discussed face to face.

"Why?" she asked sharply. "We never meet for lunch. And when we do its not arranged at the last minute. What's up?"

Harry sighed, wishing that she was slightly less perceptive. It was inconvenient at the present moment in time. "I'd just like to have lunch with you. Its been a while since I've seen you."

"Tell me," Catherine said bluntly. She had inherited all of her fathers tactlessness and most of his sharpness too. "Whatever it is that you want to discuss with me, just tell me. I can tell its something." Harry paused, sure that this was a bad idea. "You're not divorcing Ruth are you?"

"No," Harry said quickly. "Of course not."

"Good," Catherine said firmly. "I like her and she's good for you."

"I know. Too good for me."

"Yes," Catherine said instantly.

Harry smiled. "Okay." He took in a deep breath. "Ruth's pregnant."

"Jesus Christ!" she shouted down the phone and Harry winced. "God dad, have you never heard of birth control? You know what, don't answer that, I really don't want to know." There was silence for a heartbeat. "I'll talk to you later." Catherine slammed the phone down and Harry felt very dejected. He put the phone down on the kitchen table, staring into space and wishing that had gone better. Ruth had been listening at the door and her heart reached out to him. She guessed that Catherine hadn't responded very well from the way Harry was bent over the table, head bowed. She walked towards him and draped her arms around his neck, wanting to comfort him.

"She didn't take it well," Harry whispered. Ruth could hear the tears he refused to let fall in his voice.

"It will all be okay," she reassured him quietly.

"Will it?"

"Yes," she said with quiet confidence. "I promise." He clasped her hands tightly, pulling her closer even in that awkward position. They only moved away when Ruth's stomach started grumbling loudly for lunch. Harry smiled thinly at her as she blushed, embarrassed.

"I'll cook," he said quietly. She nodded and knew that he didn't need her to say anything. He simply needed her to be there for him.

* * *

At around eight that night both Harry and Ruth were squashed together on the sofa, watching a period piece Harry hated but Ruth enjoyed. They had spent the day in near silence but there had been comfort in the quietness between them. They didn't always need words to fill the gaps of their days. Ruth jumped slightly when the doorbell rang. Harry was almost asleep so she disentangled herself from him and answered it herself.

"Hi." Catherine was on her doorstep looking very nervous as she chewed her lip. Ruth stayed still as a statue, not sure what to do or to say to her step daughter. "Is my dad home?" she asked quietly.

"Yes," Ruth said once she found her voice again. "Of course, come in." She moved aside to let the younger woman through and they both went into the living room. Ruth ran her hands delicately along Harry's shoulders. "Harry wake up," she said quietly.

"Hmm?"

"Your daughter's here," Ruth said as Catherine hovered awkwardly by the door.

"Catherine?" he questioned, almost shaking himself awake. It took perhaps thirty seconds for Harry to sit up, back in the land of the living and look at his daughter.

"I'll just go," Ruth said, interrupting the silence.

"No, please don't Ruth," Catherine said. "I want to talk to both of you." Ruth sat down, now feeling even more nervous than before. Catherine took a deep breath, looking as nervous as Ruth felt. "I'm sorry," Catherine said. "I shouldn't have reacted like that, and I shouldn't have slammed the phone down on you dad." Both Harry and Ruth breathed a mental sigh of relief at those words. "It was childish. My only defence is that it was something of a shock."

"You're not the only one," Ruth said honestly. "It was rather a shock to me too." Harry squeezed his wife's hand gently.

"So this wasn't…" Catherine paused, unsure of how to phrase herself. "Planned?"

"No," Ruth said. "A complete accident."

"A happy accident," Harry corrected automatically. Ruth smiled at him, she couldn't help herself.

"When's the baby due?" Catherine asked.

"February," Ruth said. Catherine's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"I thought dad wouldn't bother telling me until much later. Until he had no choice," Catherine said quietly. Harry seemed indignant but Ruth's hand on his arm stopped him from speaking.

"He doesn't like upsetting you," Ruth said. "Given the choice of now or later, he will always chose later because he doesn't want to hurt you." Harry looked at his wife and felt like they were on the same wavelength. She knew him so well, without even trying.

"Well, congratulations," Catherine said. "Its going to take a while for me to get used to, but I have six months. Thank you for telling me. It would have been worse if you hadn't."

"I know," Harry said quietly. "I'm not… we're not replacing you. Or your brother."

"I know that dad," she said quickly. "Anyway, I'll leave you in peace. I just thought I should come around and tell you that I'm not angry or mad."

"Thank you Caty," Harry said. He got up and enveloped his eldest daughter in a hug. "I love you," he said quietly.

"And you're the most frustrating man on the planet," Catherine replied. "But I love you too." Catherine was smiling when she let go of her father. "Bye Ruth."

"Goodbye," she said happily as Harry saw her out of the house. When he came and sat back on the sofa, he was smiling.

"I told you it would all be okay," she said quietly. Harry's only reply was to kiss his wife thoroughly. A turn of events that Ruth enjoyed immensely.

* * *

**Thanks for the wonderful reviews so far. Hope this lived up to expectations!**


	22. Chapter 22

On Monday morning Harry awoke to a rather worrying picture. Ruth wasn't lying next to him, instead she was perched on the end of their bed in only her underwear and she was crying. This was enough to concern Harry, but the fact that half her wardrobe was flung over the bedroom floor didn't exactly help matters. He guessed what the problem was but instead of voicing it, he moved down to the end of the bed and put a hand on his wife's shoulder. "Ruth?"

She sniffed away a fresh wave of tears and turned to face him. "I'm fat! None of my clothes fit me! I have nothing to wear, I'm ugly and fat and you're never going to want me ever again!" She dissolved into tears again while he rubbed her back lightly. He wanted to be very careful about what he said because he knew from experience that pregnant and hormonal women didn't usually go with reason.

"Ruth, you're not ugly," he said calmly, still rubbing her back. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. And you thinking that I'll never want you is blatantly incorrect. I want you all the time. More than is probably healthy for a man of my age, but I do." She smiled weakly at him and he felt relief. The hardest part of the battle was won, he could sense it. "And you are not fat."

"But…"

"No," he said firmly, putting an arm around her and pulling her close. "You are getting bigger because you are growing our child. There's two of you now. You're going to get bigger, but you are not fat, and I won't hear you say it. Okay?"

"Yes," she said quietly. "I know what you're saying but…"

"But what?"

"I'm just past forty," she said quietly. "I probably won't get back into shape after I've had the baby. I won't look like I did a couple of months ago. I'll be fa… plump," she said, changing her choice of words at the glare on Harry's face.

"Ruth, I don't love you because of your figure," he said quietly. "I love **you**. Your integrity, your intelligence, your personality. I love what makes you you. Its not your body that matters when we sleep together, and I think you know that. And you will always be beautiful to me. That will never change."

"Thank you," she said with a sniff. "I know I'm being silly. Why you put up with me God only knows." Harry kissed the top of her hair and smiled at her. She wiped her eyes and then turned to the practicalities. "What am I going to wear today? Nothing fits."

"Do you really want my fashion advice?" Harry asked with a raised eyebrow. She chuckled.

"Fair point." She leaned into him and kissed him softly and sweetly. "I'll find something, but I need to go shopping. Otherwise I'll be reduced to wearing your shirts."

"I like you in my shirts," he said with a grin.

"No, you like it because when I slip your shirt on, I'm normally wearing nothing else."

"Mm," he said in a low voice. "You might have a point there." She laughed and kissed him again.

* * *

That evening Ruth felt very happy. Her car was filled with shopping bags bursting with maternity wear of all descriptions. Not usually one for shopping, she felt pleased with her purchases and it was a different feeling for her, having treated herself. Also at work she had mentioned to her PA that she was pregnant, so she was sure the entire office was now aware of it. Margot was a wonderful PA, very accommodating and good at her job. She was also a terrible gossip. Ruth had no doubt that she'd have spread this information far and wide, which only caused her a slight tinge of embarrassment. It wasn't like she was a knocked up teenager, she was a happily married woman and it was her choice if she wanted to start a family. The fact that her pregnancy would now be common knowledge actually filled her with relief.

Harry put the newspaper down as Ruth came in and he was relieved to see she was smiling. "I'll be back in a minute," she said breathlessly. "There's more in the car."

"No, I'll get it," he said firmly. "You shouldn't be carrying heavy bags in your condition." She smiled at him as he bypassed her and brought her shopping inside. "So, a successful trip?" he asked as she put the kettle on.

"Yes," Ruth said happily. "I have clothes that fit me, at least for the next few months. Plus I have some new underwear which I think you'll like."

"There was nothing wrong with your old bra's," Harry said with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh please," she said shaking her head and pouring hot water into her mug. "I was spilling out of them because they've got so small for me."

"Like I said, nothing wrong with them at all." She saw the wicked look on his face and smiled at him, prodding her camomile teabag.

"And tell me, what would you have done had anyone else seen down the V of my shirt?" she said, deciding to tease him a bit. "Seeing my old bra that covers almost nothing? What would you have done then?"

"Killed whatever bastard was ogling my wife," he said with a straight face. "No one so much as looks at you without your permission. Otherwise I might get angry." Ruth wondered if she should be a bit insulted by this neanderthal behaviour but after a moment decided that she quite liked this protective side to him.

"You'll like some of the things I bought," she reiterated. "Its been a long time since I've been shopping and even longer since I fancied treating myself. So I might have gone a little overboard. But you will enjoy it."

"Really?" he queried with a raised eyebrow. He walked towards her and kissed her cheek. He kept his hand on her waist as he sneaked a look down her shirt.

"Mm," he murmured, swallowing a lump in his throat. "I think you're right." She blushed but she was very much looking forward to the rest of the night.

* * *

**Apparently I'm having fun with a hormonal Ruth! I might skip a month or two ahead in the next chapter. Thanks for all the reviews and feedback. More when I'm able. x**


	23. Chapter 23

**Everyone seemed to enjoy hormonal Ruth, so here's another chapter of her! Hope you enjoy. Also, (warning!) I've tried to keep this at a T rating, but it might be hovering around the M level in this chapter. Hope no one minds!**

* * *

Ruth was tapping her fingers on her desk, getting very annoyed. They had just finished averting a major terrorist attack and usually Ruth would be writing up the after case report. But now she had an assistant to do that for her, which left her mind free to wander. And it was wandering over to Thames House and Harry. Ruth wanted sex, it was as simple as that. She put a hand on her now rounded stomach and thought simply that this was all the baby's fault. If she wasn't pregnant her hormones wouldn't be driving her crazy and she wouldn't be constantly thinking with longing about Harry ravishing her. Pinning her up against a wall. Ripping her clothes off. "No, stop it Ruth," she said to herself. What made it worse was that she knew she had to go to Thames House soon to talk to Harry (professionally) about the latest case. She had promised herself that she wasn't going to have a tryst with him at work. And Harry would stick to her word even if she didn't want to. Ruth sighed and picked up the phone, to call a car to take her to the grid. Sitting here debating it to herself wasn't helping.

* * *

Harry rubbed his eyes tiredly. It had been a long day and it wasn't even near finished yet. The only bright spot on the horizon was that he knew Ruth was due here any minute. He was meant to be briefing her about the case but in reality he knew it wouldn't happen. She already knew what she needed to, and they'd more likely be talking about the baby. How the beginning of the nursery was taking shape and their next appointment at the hospital. Normal happy things like that. He took his tie off at the same moment his office door opened.

"Hi," Ruth said, closing the door. He smiled at her, a smile which froze when he saw her turn the lock.

"Ruth, what are you doing?" he asked as she moved over to the blinds and closed them quickly.

"I've changed my mind," she said with a small smile. She approached him with eyes glittering.

"Oh no," he said quickly, realising what she wanted. "You said you didn't want any office quickies any more."

"I know that's what I said," she replied. "But I've been thinking about you all day. Even when we were after the bombers, you still crept into my thoughts. I wanted you to pin me to the wall. To kiss me until I can't breathe. To run your hands over my…"

"All right!" Harry interrupted, trying to stop those crystal clear images from messing with his mind (and erection). He walked closer to her and put a hand on her bump. "Its this one's fault isn't it?" She never would have behaved like this normally.

"Absolutely."

"Well," he said slowly, considering his words. "I do want to keep the mother of my child happy don't I?" Ruth nodded, eyes alight as she knew she was going to get her way with her husband. "If it comes up later, this was your idea."

"Fine," she said, her hands already reaching for his waistband and pulling his shirt free.

"God Ruth, what are you doing to me?" he whispered before leaning over her and kissing her soundly.

* * *

That night Ruth woke at two a.m. desperately wanting her husband, her body bubbling with desire. She was however battling her hormones because she didn't want to wake him. Any time she was being rational she knew how much Harry needed his sleep. So battling her traitorous body, she rolled over, intending to go back to sleep.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked, his voice hoarse.

"Yes," she said. "I'm fine," she said. But her voice shook slightly and he knew it.

"Is the baby okay?"

"Fine," she said with a sigh. "Too bloody fine, my body doesn't feel like my own."

"Why?" Ruth was silent and Harry smirked to himself, still with his eyes closed. "Oh."

"I'm sorry, I don't want to feel like this," she said quickly. "I've never felt like this before in my life. I can't control myself!" He chuckled at her.

"You're allowed to be hormonal and irrational," he said, putting a hand on her waist. "However, unfortunately I don't think I've recovered from this afternoon. You did marry an old man."

"You're not old," she said quickly.

"My darling, I am," he replied. "I'm a man in his late fifties and as much as it pains me to admit it, I can't keep up with my young, beautiful and passionate wife." Ruth saw that under the light hearted words there was a serious worry there. She watched as he forcibly pushed the thought aside and then said something else which surprised her. "If you really need something, I'm sure my hands could be up to the job." She looked at him, her eyebrows raised which he could just make out in the darkness. "If you want," he added, slightly wary.

"Yes please," she said in a small voice, trying to hide how desperately she needed a release of some description. He smiled at her and shimmied down the bed, feeling delighted that his wife wanted him so much.

When he had brought her to completion, he lay next to her, drifting off to sleep as she caught her breath back. He was brought out of his doze by Ruth reaching for him impatiently and running her hands over him. "Ruth, not now," he moaned quietly.

"Harry wake up!" she hissed at him, finally finding his hand and bringing it to her stomach. "The baby was kicking. Oh please do it again," she whispered to her bump. By this time Harry had fully woken up with the seriousness of what she had told him. He added his left hand to his right, waiting to feel something. "Oh please," Ruth repeated. "I felt him a minute ago, I know I did." They both waited patiently, and then not so patiently. Harry was about to give up and go to sleep when he felt a flutter under his palms. It definitely wasn't a full kick, but it was their child moving. And he was sharing this moment with Ruth. It was incredible. She smiled at him as the fluttering slowed and then ceased completely. Ruth looked happier than he had ever seen her.

"That was amazing," she whispered, settling back down in bed.

"Yes," he agreed. "Incredible." When they went to sleep a few minutes later they both shared the look of insane happiness on their faces.


	24. Chapter 24

A few days later Ruth felt herself breathe a sigh of relief. Both Ilya and Elena Gavrik were on a plane back to Moscow, the Russian partnership signed. She was glad she wouldn't run into them again, but she was not exactly thrilled about her last meeting with Elena. It hadn't gone as well as Ruth had hoped. She had been sitting at her desk when both the Gavrik's came in for lunch with Towers before going back to Moscow. Ilya and Towers had had a private conversation in his office, leaving Elena to look around the Home Office, looking effortlessly glamorous, even if her hair colour was out of a bottle. Unfortunately for Ruth, Elena's eyes had landed on her and she walked to her desk.

"Hello again Ruth," she said in her horrible Russian accent that she hated on principle.

"Hello," she said, applying a fake smile to her face.

"How are you? And Harry?"

"We're both well," she said. "So you're going back home? To Moscow?"

"Yes and I'm looking forward to it," Elena said with clear eagerness that wasn't faked. "Have you ever been to Moscow?"

"Yes once," Ruth said. "A beautiful city." It was true but she could hardly say anything else in present company. At that moment Ruth was distracted by someone calling her name and passing her a file. She turned her chair to take it and Elena's eyes fell to her now noticeable bump which had been hidden behind her desk.

"Ah, so I see congratulations are in order," Elena said with a raised eyebrow.

"Thank you," Ruth said even though she knew it was hollow.

"You know a lot of things in this world change," Elena said. "But it seems that how Harry Pearce treats women isn't one of them."

Ruth had a look to make sure neither Ilya or Towers were coming back before she spoke. "Harry is a different man now. I'm not Jane, I'm not Juliet and I'm not you or the countless others I know exist. I could sit down and cry about my husbands history with women, but it wouldn't change anything. Except that he'd probably respect me less. We waited a very long time before we could actually be together, and neither of us want to waste any more time. I don't particularly care what you think of me. But I know that both myself and my husband are looking forward to our child. And at least I know who the father is," she added as her parting shot. Elena had to refrain from replying as both Towers and Ilya emerged from his office, looking very happy. Ruth stayed silent as the three of them left the Home Office and she breathed a sigh of relief. But she realised once on her own that she needed to talk to Harry.

* * *

Surprisingly Harry was already at home when she came in. "Why are you here so early?"

"Celebrating the Russian's departure," he said with a smile which vanished when he saw the look on her face. "What's wrong?"

"I want you to promise me something," Ruth said, putting her bag down. "I want you to tell me if you sleep with someone else."

"I'm not having an affair!" he said quickly, shocked and horrified that she would even think that.

"No, I know you're not," she said, sitting down next to him on the sofa. "Just if anything happens in the future. I would much rather you tell me. I couldn't bear it if you lied to me, it would just make things worse."

"Ruth, I am not going to sleep with anyone else," he said slowly and calmly. "I have no desire to. I want no one else. In the last ten years I have only slept with you. Even when we weren't together, I wanted you. Anyone else… well it just would have felt awful." She smiled weakly at him and he put an arm around her. "Where has this come from?"

"I saw Elena today," she said quietly.

"Oh." Harry felt her stiffen. "What did she say to you?"

"She saw my bump," Ruth said. "She said the way you treated women hadn't changed and she meant more than just the words. It just got to me, that's all."

"What did you tell her?" He knew his wife well, and knew she wouldn't have simply stood there while Elena said that. "That we were happy basically. And at least I knew who the father of my child was," she added with a smile.

"Oh, I bet she didn't like that," Harry said with a smile as he felt Ruth relax against him.

"I shouldn't let her get to me," Ruth said. "I know that. Maybe its my hormones, but she did get to me."

"I'm sorry," he said. "Its my past that's making you feel this way."

"No, its that bitch," Ruth said forcefully. "Tell me something distracting."

"We find out whether it's a girl or a boy tomorrow," Harry said putting a hand on her stomach. "Then we can buy paint for the nursery. Pink or blue." She smiled at him feeling the baby move slightly. Harry knew he was saying the right things from her reaction so he pulled her closer as he continued. "Then when we've painted the walls we can put the cot together. You can buy some baby clothes, because I'm sure I'll be useless at that. Then we can think of names. It'll probably take us months to agree anyway."

"Lily," Ruth said sleepily, her eyes closing against him. "I like Lily. Or erm… Matthew maybe, for a boy."

"Much more normal than I'd have expected from you," he said. "No Greek or Roman influences there then?"

"Hm? Well I'll think about it," she said. "Jasmine?"

"No," Harry said bluntly and she smiled.

"What's wrong with Jasmine?"

"We'll have this argument when you're awake," Harry said.

"Okay," she said, allowing herself to slip into sleep. He held her gently as she did so and smiled at her, hiding an irrepressible desire to find the Gavrik's and throttle the pair of them.

"I love you."

"That's good," Ruth whispered in a sleepy voice. "And I love you too."

* * *

This time it was Harry who had arrived at the hospital early. He was waiting for Ruth who was very close to being late. He looked at his watch anxiously and then sighed in relief as he heard her heels clattering across the polished floor.

"I know I'm late," she breathed as she kissed his lips softly.

"Well this appointment is a bit of a pointless if you don't show up," he said as they sat down.

"I know," she said. "I got distracted and time ran away from me. Sorry."

"Its okay," he said. "Are we okay? After last night?"

"Yes," she said with a more genuine smile. "I was just upset, that's all. I calmed down."

"Mrs Pearce?" They both got up and headed through to the examination room.

"How have you been since I last saw you?" Doctor Stevens asked.

"Fine," she said. "I felt him move last week," she added, beaming

"Him?" the doctor asked. "I thought we were discovering that today?"

"Sorry," Ruth said. "I'm following my husbands bad habit."

"Saves us from calling him "it" all the time," Harry said, smiling. Ruth felt a twinge of anticipation as she got herself settled on the examination table. Harry sat next to her and held her hand as the doctor got the machine ready.

"Just before we start, I would really like you to prove my husband wrong," Ruth said. "He's convinced it's a boy."

"Ruth, I don't think you wanting to prove a point will change the gender of our child," Harry said as the gel was squeezed onto Ruth's stomach.

"Any more morning sickness?" the doctor asked as she got the ultrasound in focus.

"No, I've been fine. Perfect health as far as I'm aware. Craving marmite though," she said with a smile. Harry hated marmite and the taste on her as he found it revolting. But he wasn't going to argue with a pregnant woman.

"Okay good," the doctor showed them the screen and pointed to it. "There's the head," she said quietly as both Harry and Ruth looked on in an awed silence. "And here's the arm. Its almost like its waving." Harry was smiling at the ultrasound as the doctor kept moving the machine. "Right, the size looks good. Very healthy as far as I can see."

"Are you sure?" Ruth couldn't resist from asking.

"Yes, very good," Doctor Stevens said with a smile. "I promise." She paused before asking the next question. "I am guessing you want to know the sex?" she said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes," Harry and Ruth said instantly. Then they looked at each other and laughed. They waited with baited breath for the doctors next words.

* * *

**I know, how could I leave it there?! Girl or boy, what do you think? Leave a review and let me know, because I am very undecided. Hope you're all glad to see the back of the Gavricks too!**


	25. Chapter 25

**There were three votes each on the gender so I've gone my own way here... Also there's a time jump here about halfway through.**

* * *

"It's a girl." Ruth smiled at the ultrasound for a moment before turning to Harry.

"You were wrong," she said with a grin.

"I don't care," he said quietly, still looking at their child. "As long as she's healthy, I really don't mind that I was wrong." Ruth tore her eyes away from the screen and watched her husband. She saw that he was sincere and she had never loved him more than in that moment.

"Come here," she whispered. He looked at her and then bent to give her a brief kiss. Meanwhile the doctor was busy printing a picture for them and as they broke apart, she handed it to Ruth.

"We need to frame that," Ruth said, her eyes glittering at Harry.

"Of course." Her smile of happiness as they left the hospital was matched only by Harry's.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Harry asked that weekend as he put down the paper. He was trying to resist his wife which was proving difficult as she was wearing a gorgeously oversized T shirt and jeans which she looked phenomenal in. It was a maternity shirt, meaning that it hugged her every curve. He knew in the long run it would be a losing battle, but he was far too old to have sex in the middle of the day.

"I'm looking at paint colours," Ruth said, bringing him out of his reverie about his wife.

"Are we redecorating?" Harry asked blankly.

"The nursery Harry!" she said as if he should have known this. Which if he hadn't had been distracted by his wife's devastating sexiness he probably would have realised this was what she meant.

"Aren't we going for pink?" Harry asked warily.

"Do you have any idea what its like for a teenage girl to suffer having her bedroom still in baby pink?" Ruth said darkly.

"No."

"No, and our daughter isn't going to either," Ruth said firmly.

"You know, we could repaint in a couple of years," Harry said tentatively.

"That's what my parents said," Ruth replied. "I was still waiting when my father died. Needless to say, after that my mother lost interest in redecorating." Ruth shook her head twice, trying to clear her thoughts. "Anyway, are you really arguing for us to put pink paint on the walls?"

"Fair point," Harry said after a moments pause. "So what colour were you thinking?"

"Purple or a lavender of some description. Still girly, but not babyish," Ruth said, shifting on the sofa slightly. "Anyway, a newborn doesn't care what colour her walls are."

"I'm not going to argue with you," Harry said. It wasn't that he didn't care, he just thought that some things were more important than the walls. He found himself captivated by the shape of Ruth's breasts, unable to tear his eyes away from her.

"Harry?"

"Mm?" he said distantly, his eyes not moving from her chest. She sat up slightly and saw his eyes follow her movements. So she smiled to herself and decided to be slightly mischievous. She grabbed the hem of her T shirt (which she had noticed was one of Harry's favourites) and pulled it off. "Ruth! What are you doing?" Harry said, jarred from his thoughts by her revealed flesh.

"Well, you were staring," she said with a smile. "I thought I'd give you something to stare at."

He groaned but all restraint had vanished so he pushed her body into the sofa, his body against hers as he kissed her passionately. "I like you pregnant," he said as his hands wandered over her curves.

"Yeah cause my boobs are huge," she said, rolling her eyes.

"No, not just that," he said. "I'm not going to lie, I like your breasts, but I love the way you are. There's more of you and I love your curves."

Ruth would have argued about the fact that no one could find a woman who was getting fatter by the day desirable, but his growing erection on her thigh made it clear he wasn't lying. So instead she tipped her head up and kissed him as her fingers worked under his shirt. Neither of them wanted to talk about paint colours any longer.

* * *

**Several months later...**

Ruth sighed as she unlocked the door and sat heavily on the sofa. From today she wasn't working at the Home Office for a good few months. Tomorrow was the first day of her maternity leave and Monday was her due date. She didn't think she could feel more uncomfortable than she currently did. She was so far pregnant she felt like she could explode. Although she knew it wasn't going to be that easy within a week or so. She was trying to avoid thinking about the birth too much, instead trying to focus on how it would feel to hold her daughter in her arms after these long months of being pregnant. It wasn't the pain that was worrying her, it was Harry. She had realised how bad it would be when a couple of days ago she'd stubbed her toe on a door frame (as she was too fat and pregnant to even see her own feet) and he had spent a good hour trying to make her sit down and asking if she was okay. Irritated beyond belief she had asked what he planned to do when she was in labour.

"I'm really trying to avoid thinking about it at all," he'd admitted sheepishly. "I hate seeing you in pain at any time, and I know its going to be hours of agony for you. I'm… not looking forward to it." She had smiled and told him to picture holding their child and he'd looked slightly mollified, but Ruth knew full well it wouldn't be easy.

Ruth was debating getting up and getting some chocolate but she couldn't find the energy. Just when she decided to move she heard the door open and both Harry and Catherine came into the living room.

"Oh wow," Catherine said, seeing Ruth's size. "Sorry, but wow."

"I know, I'm getting rather big," Ruth said. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," Catherine said brushing her windswept hair out of her face. "I think its more important to ask how you are."

"Fat," Ruth said bluntly. "And my girl keeps kicking my ribs." Catherine smiled as Harry kissed his wife hello briefly.

"You're not fat," he said instantly.

"I don't walk anymore, I waddle." Catherine sniggered but tried to cover it up as Harry glared at her.

"I'll put the kettle on," Harry said firmly, to avoid the two laughing women.

"Oh!" Ruth said as the baby started kicking again. Catherine watched wide eyed.

"Can I?" she asked, indicating the baby bump.

"Oh yeah, of course," Ruth said. "Its your sister after all." Catherine smiled and put her hand on her stepmothers bump and was surprised at the power behind the kicks.

"Wow, she is really strong!"

"I know," Ruth said, a hint of pride in her voice. "She's been very active recently." The baby stopped moving and Catherine took her hand back, a look of happiness on her face as Harry came back in with two mugs and handed them to the two women.

"Thank you Catherine," Harry said sincerely. She looked at him in confusion. "For being okay with the baby."

"I was horrified and shocked to start with," she said. "But I'm glad I had a good six months to get used to the idea. I'm actually looking forward to having a little sister, which I didn't think I would be." Harry beamed at the three women in his life, and wondered if it was possible to be happier than he was right now.

* * *

Later that night in bed, Harry was surprised by Ruth kissing him passionately, very clear about what she wanted. They hadn't had sex recently because Ruth said that she didn't want to when she felt so fat. Harry hadn't pushed her more than reassuring her that she was beautiful, but Ruth hadn't been moved. But tonight, that was clearly changing.

"Ruth?" he murmured in between kisses. Her only response was to smile at him as her hands began to wander. "What are you doing?"

"Tonight I wan my husband," she said with a small smile. "If that's okay, and you don't find me too fat and ugly."

"Please stop calling our child fat," Harry said with a glint in his eye. "She'll be self conscious before she's even born." Ruth smiled and felt a jolt of desire as he cupped her breasts firmly, thumbs running over her nipples. She smiled into their kiss, knowing she was going to get her way.

* * *

**Thanks for all the reviews so far! Hope this continues up to standards!**


	26. Chapter 26

Ruth woke up an hour or two later with a rumbling stomach. There was one good thing about being pregnant, she thought as she struggled out of bed. She could eat whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted and blame it on the baby. It was a luxury she was going to miss when their daughter arrived. She leaned over Harry and kissed his cheek briefly before making her slow way downstairs to the kitchen. Once there she put some bread in the toaster and found the jam and the butter. She waited until it popped up and then liberally spread both slices with her favourite strawberry jam. She'd eaten one slice when she felt it. A pain and a slight tightening of her bump. Almost dropping the plate she put her hand on her bump as the pain suddenly subsided. She waited for another sign that the baby might be on the way but nothing happened. Knowing it would take a while she continued to eat her other slice of toast, waiting for another feeling from her bump. Her logic being that if she was going into labour now, she needed all the energy she could get.

* * *

An hour later she was in no doubt, her labour had started. Her contractions were quite far apart so she knew it would be a while but it was time to wake Harry up. So she went up the stairs slowly and started to get dressed. She couldn't turn up at the hospital wearing only her husbands shirt after all. Ruth picked up a pillow and threw it at Harry.

"Mm?"

"You need to wake up," Ruth said throwing a skirt over her legs.

"God Ruth, what time is it?"

"Maybe three in the morning," Ruth said. "I don't know. But you need to get up."

It was something in Ruth's voice that made him sit up and take notice. "What's wrong?"

"I think I'm in labour." Really, it was worth saying those words just to see Harry jump out of bed, completely naked and look like the most confused man alive. So much so that Ruth couldn't help laughing at him.

"What! Oh God, are you okay?" Then he saw her laughing. "Its not funny!"

"No, I know," she said. "You just look quite amusing. But I am serious." She bit her lip as she felt another contraction and Harry noticed.

"Lets get you to the hospital," Harry said, trying to be reassuring.

"Yes, but please put some clothes on first," Ruth said. Harry looked down and realised she had a point.

* * *

In the car neither had said anything, a mixture of tiredness and excitement for meeting their daughter. However, as Harry parked Ruth moaned quietly as she felt another contraction. "Are you okay?" he asked switching the engine off.

"No Harry I'm not, so stop asking," she said quickly. "Its going to get boring if you keep asking. I'm in a bit of pain and I can only see it getting worse, so no I'm not okay."

"I'll shut up," he said. Ruth smiled at him to show that her irritation wasn't really with him, it was more the situation. They got out of the car and approached the hospital where Ruth checked in. They almost bumped into Doctor Stevens as a nurse led them into a room.

"Oh God, not another one," the doctor said with a sigh. Harry glared at her as they settled Ruth in bed. "Sorry, its three in the morning and you're my fourth patient who's gone into labour overnight. Hi, how are you feeling?"

"Oh fantastic," Ruth said sarcastically. "Just preparing to push a bowling ball out of my body."

"Ruth…" Harry said firmly.

"Okay," the doctor said interrupting by putting gloves on her hands and starting to examine her. "Yes, your baby is definitely on the way," she said a few minutes later. "How far apart are your contractions?"

"Quite far," Ruth said. "I've not been timing it but they aren't very frequent."

"You're only at about one and a half centimetres dilated, and you have to get to ten before you start to push, so it'll be a while yet. Its quite mild at the moment but when your labour gets more intense do you want to use any pain relief? Drugs or an epidural?"

"No."

She spoke so firmly that Harry felt taken aback. "Ruth, you might want to…"

"No!" she said firmly. "My body, my choice and I don't want any pain medication okay? Drop it."

"Fine," Harry replied knowing that tone of voice.

"Right," the doctor made a note on Ruth's chart. "You can change your mind later, but I won't push you." The doctor looked at her pager as it suddenly went off and sighed. "Okay, this is my pager number if you need me urgently and there will be nurses coming in to check on you. I'm sorry but I have to go. I have to deliver triplets." Harry glared at her again. "I am genuinely sorry, but even if I stayed here to watch over Ruth constantly it wouldn't change anything at the moment." Ruth put her hand on Harry's arm and he didn't say anything no matter how much he wanted to. "I'll check on you soon," she promised as she left the room.

"Bloody incompetent," Harry cursed when they were alone.

"Harry, would her actually being here help when its going to be hours, or would she probably be better at delivering triplets who are probably a lot closer to being born than our one is."

"Fine," Harry said with a sigh.

"Thank you," Ruth said with a smile. "Now can you help me get into this very unflattering hospital gown?"

"Of course," he said, eyes glittering slightly at the prospect of undressing his wife.

"Behave."

* * *

By the time Ruth was settled in bed she had been checked by two nurses and Harry's rant at incompetent staff had been permanently stalled. They were taking good care of her. When they were alone again Harry brought up something that had been niggling at the back of his mind. "Ruth?"

"What?"

"Why did you want sex last night?"

"Because I wanted to," she said blankly. "There was no deeper reason than my desire for my husband. Why?"

He was saved from answering right away as another contraction went through her. By the time her breathing had got back to normal he knew what he wanted to say. "I thought you might be using it as a way to induce labour," he said sheepishly.

"God Harry!" she said surprised. "I'd never even thought about that. Although if I had, I might have decided to do it for that reason," she added with a smile. "I'm tired of being pregnant. I want to be able to see my own feet, I want to wear my favourite PJ's again. I'd like a glass of wine occasionally, and it would be really nice to get in the bath without you helping me."

"I rather like that," he said with a glint in his eyes.

"I am not in the mood to argue with you," Ruth said. "And this is far too easy at the moment," she added, indicating her bump. "I'm waiting for it to get much harder, because I know it will." Harry looked at her, worry hidden in his eyes.

* * *

She was right. It did get harder and several hours later Ruth was having a very hard time, causing Harry all sorts of fear. Her contractions had become more frequent and much more painful and Harry hated seeing her like this. She groaned through a particularly painful one and Harry winced. "Get out!" she said loudly as the doctor examined her again. "You frowning in concern every time I'm in pain is winding me up and its not helping me!"

"Okay," he said quietly, squeezing her hand tightly. "I'll try and be better." Her breathing was heavy and she glared at him.

"You better be," she said harshly. Then her voice changed to pleading. "I can't do this on my own. I need you to be strong for me. Please."

"Okay," he said firmly. He kissed the top of her head and held her hand as she gritted her teeth through another contraction. The doctor straightened up with a small smile.

"You're ten centimetres dilated," she said. "Are you ready to push?"

"Oh God, is it finally happening?" she breathed.

"Yeah," the doctor said. "Your going to become a mother any minute now."

"God…" she breathed. Harry looked at her and she saw such love in his gaze that it made her feel better in spite of the situation.

"Now push, when you feel the next contraction okay?" the doctor said. Ruth braced herself, holding Harry's hand for comfort and reassurance.

"Oh God, here we go," she breathed, feeling the overwhelming desire to push through the pain. When it had subsided she could only think one thing. "This hurts," she said in a small tired voice.

"Come on Ruth, you can do this," he said firmly. "I know you can."

"You're doing great Ruth, I need you to push on three," the doctor said surely. "One, two three." Ruth put all her energy into that one push with her contraction and then collapsed on the bed, completely spent. "That's good, the baby's crowning now. You need to do one more big push. Come on."

"I can't," she said, almost on the verge of tears. "I can't do any more."

"Yes you can," Harry said, hiding very well how much it hurt him to see her like this. "One more push and you can hold our baby girl. You can see how beautiful she is. It will be worth it, I promise you."

"Argh!" Ruth squeezed Harry's hand so tightly he thought his knuckles might crack, but he stayed still, silently urging her on. She knew when she'd done it because their child's cries filled the small room. With the certain knowledge that her daughter was okay, she let go of consciousness.

"Oh God, Ruth!" Harry cried, feeling her hand loosen on his and seeing her whole body go limp. One of the nurses quickly took her pulse and checked her vitals and she smiled at Harry.

"She's fine," she assured him. "Just exhausted. Its not uncommon for mothers to pass out for a few moments. She'll come back around in a minute."

"How's our girl?"

"Just fine," Doctor Stevens said with a smile. "Would dad like to hold her?" Harry nodded, for once speechless and let go of Ruth's hand, seeing her eyes flicker slightly as he held out his arms for their daughter. He cradled their tiny newborn life with wonder, her cries calming down. She had a mess of white blonde hair and looked so perfect, even with her eyes screwed shut.

"Is she alright?" Ruth asked breathlessly.

"Perfect," Harry said. He didn't want to let go of his daughter but he knew Ruth was desperate to hold the reason she'd been in pain for 12 hours, so he reluctantly handed her over. Ruth sat up slightly, holding their daughter tightly, ignoring the aches and pains in her body and that she was covered in sweat, instead focusing on their little girls perfect face.

"Oh, she's so beautiful!" Ruth said, smiling at her. "Just so beautiful. Is she okay?" she asked the doctor.

"Yes," the doctor replied with a smile. "Very healthy and all the newborn checks have been done. Have you got a name for her?"

"Er, no," Harry said slowly. "We haven't decided yet."

"Okay, I'll just put her under baby Pearce then." Ruth nodded her thanks but she couldn't tear her eyes away from her newborn child.

"I'm so happy," Ruth said.

"She's so beautiful like you," Harry said. Ruth smiled at him but quickly returned her eyes to their daughter. She couldn't do anything else.


	27. Chapter 27

Ruth couldn't keep her eyes open for long. She was so tired that no matter how much she wanted to hold her as yet nameless daughter, she couldn't for long. "I'll take care of her," Harry assured her as her eyes drifted shut. "Sleep. She'll be safe with me."

"Mm, okay," she said tiredly and was asleep in less than a minute, much like their little girl. Harry rocked her as he sat down next to Ruth.

"You've tired your mum out little girl," he said to her. "I'm sure you'll carry on doing that for the next few years at least. But we don't mind." She curled her fingers in sleep, making Harry smile. "What are we going to call you little one?" There was no response from the baby and no brain wave came to Harry. Instead he spent long minutes admiring his youngest child. He only looked away when the door opened.

"Hi," Catherine said smiling at Harry and the new addition.

"How did you know we were here?" Harry asked flabbergasted as Catherine sat in the empty seat, looking at the baby.

"I guess I really am your daughter," she said. Harry wanted more information so Catherine sighed and carried on. "We were meant to have coffee this afternoon. You didn't show."

"Oh God I'm sorry," Harry said. "I completely forgot."

"Under the circumstances, I think I'll make an exception," Catherine said. "Anyway, I called you and you weren't answering and then I went around the house. You weren't there and even more shockingly you hadn't set the alarm. So I guessed you might be here."

"Did you put the alarm on before you left?" Harry asked.

"Of course I did," she said as if it was obvious. "I'm not stupid. So who's the pretty little girl then?"

"She doesn't have a name yet," Harry admitted. "Do you want to hold her?"

"Can I?" Catherine asked eagerly.

"Of course." Harry carefully handed over the baby to Catherine who held her very carefully.

"God, her hair is so white and fine," Catherine said.

"Oh, that won't last," Harry said firmly. Catherine looked at him confused so he carried on. "You had the same hair when you were born. Within a year it had changed to mirror your mother exactly. I don't expect that this one will keep her blonde hair."

"You've never told me that before," Catherine said slowly, rocking the baby gently.

"I treasure you," Harry said sincerely. "And your brother. I tried my best, and I know it wasn't good enough and I let work get in the way. I'm so sorry Catherine. But I know things. You were born at 10:53 in the evening and were six pounds and nine ounces."

"Dad…" she said quietly trying to stop the tears from pooling in her eyes. She was truly touched. "I can't believe you know that."

"Graham was 4:19 in the morning and weighed exactly the same as you, funnily enough. I love all my children."

"Thank you dad," Catherine said. She returned her gaze to the newborn. "She's beautiful."

"I know. Thank God she looks like her mother and not me," Harry said, stroking the baby's hair.

Catherine smiled. "Yeah, it wouldn't do for her to take after her ugly father would it?"

"Cheeky," Harry said. He ached to hold his youngest but let Catherine continue rocking her. Until a minute later she started snuffling and Harry could tell that she was about to cry. Harry leaned over and quickly put his finger in the baby's mouth, a trick he'd learnt from his first children. He felt the newborn sucking at his finger hard and he knew that she was hungry. Which meant he was going to have to wake Ruth up. Harry sighed and put a hand on Ruth's shoulder gently. "Ruth, you need to wake up."

"Mm?" she said quietly, her eyes opening.

"Your daughters hungry," Harry said quietly.

"Typical," Ruth said sitting up, her eyes alighting on Catherine. "Oh hi."

"Congratulations," Catherine said, handing the wriggling baby to her mother. Ruth smiled and cradled her briefly. "I'll just go," Catherine said awkwardly as Ruth untied her gown.

"Oh I don't care," Ruth said. "My dignity went out of the room with the contractions." Catherine stayed and breathed a sigh of relief as the baby's cries were silenced as the baby latched on to her mother. Harry watched with incredible pleasure as their daughter curled her fists against the curve of Ruth's breast. Ruth smiled at him and then Harry turned back to his eldest.

"I should have called," Harry said to Catherine. "I got distracted."

"You have a good excuse," Catherine said. "But I'm glad I'm here. I'm pleased I've seen her." Catherine picked up her handbag which she'd dropped earlier and was clearly making her exit. "By the way, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend at some point." She spoke quickly as if trying to avoid her fathers reaction.

"What boyfriend?" Harry asked firmly.

"His name's Nathan," Catherine said.

"Nathan what?" Harry asked and neither Catherine nor Ruth liked that tone.

"So you can look him up?" she said. "No."

"Harry will not be looking him up," Ruth said firmly. "Will you Harry?"

"No," he said grumpily. "Of course not."

"Really?" Catherine asked with disbelief.

"He won't unless he wants to make me very angry," Ruth said simply. She pulled her gown up and stroked the baby's face as the newborn closed her eyes again.

"Good," Catherine said with relief. "Don't break your word."

"I won't," he said surely. "If you trust him that's good enough for me."

"Thank you," Catherine replied. "I do have to go. And think of a name for her soon."

"We're working on it." Catherine left and Harry perched on the end of her bed. "Can I hold her?"

"I don't want to let her go," Ruth said reluctantly. "You had her when I was asleep."

"Okay," Harry said quietly. "What about Lucy?"

"Lucy," Ruth said quietly, rocking the baby. "I like Lucy," she said. "Lucy Pearce. That sounds good."

"Really, you're going to just accept my suggestion?" Harry said in disbelief.

"When I like it, yes," she said quietly. She handed the newly named baby over to her father whose eyes lit up. "Plus the name I like is useless. I love Paige for a girl. And Paige Pearce sounds so wrong." Harry smiled at her.

"Okay. Welcome to the world then, little Lucy Pearce."

* * *

**Thanks for all the reviews so far. I'm amazed and thrilled this passed 200! Thank you!**


	28. Chapter 28

The next day both Ruth and Lucy were checked over and deemed fit to go home. It was a good surprise that they were both healthy enough to go home, but as Ruth hated hospitals she wasn't complaining. Harry had gone home to get a few hours sleep and when he came back he had made sure to put the car seat in the back. He strapped Lucy in carefully while Ruth watched. She was still tired and she ached quite a bit so she was content to let him do it.

"She's gorgeous isn't she?" Ruth said as she got in the front seat, beaming at their daughter.

"Completely," he agreed. "There we go my little angel," he said smiling at Lucy. "You're all safe for the journey home okay?" Harry kissed Lucy's hair and smiled at her again. He got into the drivers seat and realised Ruth was watching him. "What?"

"You're such a softie," she said.

"Wait until she brings home her first boyfriend," Harry said driving off. "Then you'll see how much of a softie I'm not."

"If you scare away a boy that our daughter wants to bring home, I'll be furious with you," Ruth said.

"Can we save this argument for fourteen years or so?" Harry asked.

"Fine," Ruth said. "How about this one. Can you drive faster than three miles an hour?"

"I have the most precious thing in the world in the back of this car," Harry said firmly. "I'm going to drive as slowly as I chose."

"I love you," Ruth said happily. He smirked at her and then turned right so slowly that several cars beeped their horns at him. The noise disturbed Lucy and she gurgled at the sound. "Oh did you hear that!" Ruth said looking at their daughter. "That's the first noise she's ever made!"

"Apart from crying," Harry said sharply. But he was smiling too. When he stopped at their house he looked at Ruth and felt his heart drop when he saw she was crying. "Oh, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said. "I'm so happy. I just… never thought I could be this happy."

"Ger?"

"Oh, mummy's okay," Ruth said, turning around and running a finger along Lucy's foot. "You just make me so happy sweetheart." Her wide blue eyes studied Ruth until they decided it was time to move, and get Lucy into her home.

* * *

During the rest of the day both Harry and Ruth went crazy with the camera. They'd forgotten to bring one to the hospital when Ruth went into labour so they were making up for it now. Ruth spent the day alternating between tears and smiles. For some reason she couldn't stop crying. Rationally she knew it was hormones but that didn't make it any easier to bear. That night, as soon as Lucy was asleep both Harry and Ruth went up to bed. So tired from the weekends events neither had the desire to stay up too long, both knowing Lucy would wake them soon enough. Harry put a hand on her waist before speaking. "What did you think of Catherine?"

"That's not what you're asking me," Ruth replied. "You want my opinion on why she mentioned her boyfriend when we were in hospital."

"Well, yes," Harry said quietly.

"She wanted a distraction," Ruth said. "I get the feeling she's had a man for a while, just hasn't mentioned it. You can be intimidating you know."

"I'm not intimidating!"

"You are," she said. "It just doesn't scare me."

"Did I ever scare you?" he asked quietly, not sure if he wanted to hear the answer or not.

"Maybe during my first couple of weeks on the grid," she said slowly. "But then I fell in love with you. All of you, not just the good bits." Harry pulled her close and kissed her hair. "And you will be nice when she brings Nathan over. I don't care if you think he's good enough or not, Catherine likes him, so there must be something there even if you don't see it."

"Mm," he said quietly. "I'll behave."

"Good." She closed her eyes and it didn't take long before she slept.

* * *

They were both woken at around midnight by Lucy crying. "I'll get her," Harry said quickly.

"You sure?"

"Yes," Harry said getting up. Ruth didn't really want to argue so she rolled over and went back to sleep.

An hour later she woke up again, surprised to find herself still alone in bed. Lucy wasn't crying so she wondered why Harry wasn't here with her. Getting up, she wrapped her dressing gown around her and slowly walked to Lucy's bedroom. The door was open slightly and she could hear Harry crooning to the baby softly. Ruth looked through the crack in the door and saw Harry sitting in the rocking chair, Lucy on his lap wrapped in her blanket.

"And that my darling girl is how your mum and your dad met," Harry said quietly. Ruth leaned back against the wall, listening intently. "I'm glad your mums asleep because I want to talk to you." Harry sighed slightly before continuing. "Now sweetheart I am quite a bit older than I should be, having a newborn baby. Not that I mind gorgeous, I'm so pleased you're in our lives. But because I'm quite old, there's a chance I might miss some important things in your life. I don't want to, I really don't but I might have no choice. But I want you to know that on your eighteenth birthday, or your graduation, or on your wedding day, that if I can't be there, if I've died too soon, then I'll be looking over you. And I'll be so proud of you. Whatever you do in your life, your father is so proud of you. Luce, I want to be there on as many birthdays as I can be, but I'm a realist too. I'm in my late fifties, so I might not make it sweetheart. But you know what? You have the greatest mother in the world. If I'm not around, I know that your mum will make up for it. She might be a bit sad from time to time without me, but she'll give you the best childhood you could possibly want. You're so loved Lucy, I promise. And you're only two days old."

Harry kissed his daughters head and put her down in the cot. Outside Ruth couldn't move an inch and she felt the tears sliding down her face. Harry closed the door to the nursery and then saw Ruth. "How much did you hear?" he asked quietly. The tears on her face were answer enough. Harry sighed. "I didn't mean for you to hear that."

"I know," Ruth said, trying to stop crying. They both went back to the bedroom silently, getting back in bed. He stroked her hair softly as the tears kept falling.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because you've just made me realise that one day I might have to live without you," Ruth said quietly. "The age gap between us has never bothered me Harry. It does now. I don't want to lose you."

"Ruth, I have no intention of dying," he said holding her close. "But just in case the worst happens…"

"Harry…" she warned.

"In case it does, I don't regret anything. I don't regret our daughter, and I love both you and her. And... it would be okay if, a few years later you met someone else."

"Harry, I couldn't." She brushed her tears away in frustration. "Please stop talking like this."

"Okay," Harry said, sensing that she needed a change of subject. "I just want you to be happy." From that point on neither spoke, instead Ruth was lulled to sleep by his comforting hands skimming over her body.

* * *

**Thank you so much for the reviews so far. As you might be able to tell from the end of this chapter, I am debating having either Harry or Ruth dying. I expect this to be met with "Noooo's! But would anyone be interested in me going down that route? Thanks again for reading. x**


	29. Chapter 29

**Wow! 17 reviews for the last chapter! Thank you all so much, and I'm definety going to keep this going for a few more happy HR chapters. Still not decided after that, but we'll see...**

* * *

On Monday morning Harry reluctantly got ready for work. He didn't want to leave Lucy but knew he had to. "I'm only doing a half day," Harry said. "I want to be home with her."

"Oh, I've been supplanted in your affections," Ruth said sarcastically as she handed Lucy over to him. Harry glared at his wife before kissing Lucy's head.

"I'll be back really soon sweetheart," he said.

"Ea?"

"Yes," Harry said. He handed Lucy back to Ruth and kissed her goodbye. "I'll see you later."

"Bye," Ruth said, knowing that Harry was already rather late. She watched her husband leave happily and then turned to her daughter. "Just you and me then. Whatever shall we do?" She watched as Lucy gurgled quietly and smiled. She had never been happier. Just when she was about to put Lucy down the doorbell rang. Hurrying to answer it she was amazed to see William Towers on her doorstep.

"Oh Ruth, good…" he tailed off when he saw the pink bundle in Ruth's arms. "You didn't hang around!"

"Thank you," Ruth said sarcastically. "Come in." Ruth moved through to the kitchen and put Lucy in her rocker on the chair.

"What's her name?" Towers said, looking at the girls bright blue eyes.

"Lucy," Ruth replied, unable to keep her pride out of her voice.

"Congratulations," Towers said. "She's beautiful."

"Does it sound bigheaded to say I know?" Ruth asked. "Anyway, I doubt that you came here just to admire my daughter. What is it?"

"The report on Abdul Casissi you were working on last week," Towers started. "We can't find it. I assume you either have it, or a copy of it."

"Yes," Ruth said firmly. The truth was she had actually brought it home last week because she wanted Harry to read it. But she wasn't going to tell Towers that. Abdul Cassisi was becoming a powerful politician in Saudi Arabia and she had been delving into his past to see if he was a threat. She hadn't been able to find anything and wanted to talk to Harry to see if there was an angle she was missing. He hadn't thought so, but she had been glad she'd discussed it with him.

"I know where it is, I'll get it." Before she left the kitchen she ran a hand over Lucy's hair and then went to find it, somewhere in the living room. Leaving the Home Secretary with a newborn baby. He stayed stock still as Lucy studied him. The girl definitely had her mothers eyes and fortunately Ruth wasn't too long. "There you go," she said happily.

"Ah, thank you," Towers said pleased. "I'll leave you in peace."

"Just one thing, why did you come here yourself?" Ruth asked, picking Lucy up. "You have hundreds of assistants who could have come here instead. Why come in person?"

"I wanted to see how you are," he said honestly. "And clearly you're well. Goodbye Ruth." She saw him out and then realised Lucy was gearing up for a good cry. Trying to stall she quickly unbuttoned her shirt and Lucy latched on very quickly.

"There there gorgeous," Ruth crooned. "Everything's okay." She sat down as Lucy fed and had never felt more content.

* * *

On Saturday when Lucy was a week old, Ruth had the baby on her chest but she really needed to put the girl down and start preparing four salads for lunch. Catherine was bringing Nathan around for lunch. She had offered to take them out, but Ruth didn't want to leave Lucy so soon and Catherine had wanted Ruth there, just in case Harry didn't behave. Ruth had a much better handle on him than anyone Catherine had ever met, including her own mother. Ruth had suggested lunch at her house, (even though it was extra work) because she wanted to meet Nathan just as much as Harry did.

"Let me take the baby," Harry said coming into the kitchen. Ruth nodded in agreement and kissed Lucy's head before handing her over. Harry carried her lovingly into the living room while Ruth chopped tomato slices. As soon as he sat down there was a knock on the door. "Shall we go and see who that is sweetheart?" he said in a baby voice. "Yeah?" He opened the door and saw Catherine and a very good looking dark haired tall man next to her, probably in his mid to late thirties.

"Hi," he said to Catherine. "And you must be Nathan."

"Hello," he said.

"Is Ruth here?" Catherine asked stepping into the hall, clearly not wanting the introductions to be done without her stepmothers calming influence.

"I can be trusted you know!" Harry said indignantly. His daughter walked through to the kitchen, smiling at Ruth, Nathan trailing slightly behind her.

"God Ruth, you look amazing for someone who gave birth a week ago!" Catherine said. Ruth smiled at the compliment.

"Hello Nathan," she said pleasantly. "Its nice to meet you."

"And you," he said politely.

"Would you like a drink?"

"A coffee would be nice thank you," he said. Harry walked in, cradling Lucy and Catherine smiled.

"Can I hold her?" she asked eagerly. Harry nodded and handed the girl over to her half sister. "Did you settle on a name for her yet?"

"Lucy," Ruth said promptly.

"So Nathan," Harry started. "What do you do for a living?"

"Dad!" Catherine warned. But she was too focused on the quietly gurgling baby to put too much force in her tone.

"I'm only asking," Harry said as Ruth handed Nathan his coffee.

"I lecture at the University of London," Nathan said easily. "Mostly ancient literature and the classics."

Ruth stopped stirring her tea at that, her eyes lit up. Harry was smirking and Nathan looked slightly bewildered, so Harry elaborated. "I can say with no hesitation at all that my wife will love you."

"I studied the classics at Oxford," Ruth explained. "I loved every minute of it."

Harry and Catherine watched as Ruth and Nathan ignored them completely and descended into talking about everything they'd ever read from Homer to Jane Austen. Nathan's voice had become more confident and Harry appreciated how nervous he had been before hand. Catherine shook her head and handed Lucy back to Harry.

"She is precious," Catherine said.

"I know," Harry said. "Its all her mother. Thank God both my daughters didn't take after me. Could you imagine?"

Catherine smiled. "Mum's doing well," she said. "I never know if I should mention her to you, but she is doing well. She's very happy with her second husband."

"I know," Harry said quietly. "She called me to say she'd met Nathan. She sounded happy. I don't begrudge her that, I always wanted her to be happy."

"Mm," Catherine said. "Its odd. Both of my parents are so happy with their lives. So much happier away from each other."

"Yes we are," Harry said firmly. "But we must have done at least a couple of things right. We got you and your brother."

Catherine smiled and it was wistful at best as it faded. "I know something about Graham, which I'm really not sure I should tell you."

"Is he in trouble?" Harry asked instantly. "He's not back on drugs or in prison is he?"

"No nothing like that," Catherine said. She gave a small sigh. "Graham eloped."

"What!" Harry said loud enough to bring Nathan and Ruth out of their book discussion and to make Lucy moan in protest. "He did what!"

"Calm down," Catherine said and Harry could tell that she was regretting telling him this. "If its any consolation he didn't tell mum either."

"Oh God," Harry said. "You have excellent timing by the way," he breathed. "Taking the focus off of yourself."

"I learnt from the best," she said with a smile. Harry breathed heavily but then the silence was broken by Lucy's crying.

"Oh, what's wrong my gorgeous girl?" Ruth said, taking her from her father before Harry could argue. "Why are you bawling at me?" Harry looked at his watch and sighed.

"She's hungry," he said.

"Okay then, I'll feed her, you get lunch on the table," Ruth said leaving the room. The sudden silence of Lucy's crying made it clear that Harry had been right and she had been hungry.

"Lets eat."

* * *

By the time Catherine and Nathan left, everyone had been getting on very well. Harry grudgingly admitted that he was good enough for his daughter.

"Graham's got married," Harry grumbled as they went up the stairs to bed.

"What?!"

"He eloped," Harry said checking on Lucy once more for the evening.

"What's her name?"

"I didn't even ask," Harry said. "I was too… shocked."

"How do you feel about that?" Ruth said as she undressed.

"I can't even comprehend it," Harry admitted.

"Maybe you should call him," Ruth suggested tentatively.

"Maybe I will," he said seriously. "I'll think about it."

"Okay," Ruth said, sensing not to push him. "I like Nathan," she added, getting into bed.

"I thought you would," Harry said. "A shared love of classic literature and you were completely sold, I saw it in your eyes."

"Mm, its nice to argue about books," she said, putting the baby monitor on the bedside table.

"If I didn't love you so much I might be jealous," Harry said, a hand on her hip.

"Oh please," Ruth replied. "He's perfect for Catherine. Plus he has no love of Chopin or Mozart. Completely wrong for me." Harry chuckled into her neck. His hands then started wandering and he cupped her full breasts as she sighed softly. He squeezed gently and she kissed him on the mouth with deep passion. She knew where this was going so she broke away and spoke quickly. "I am back on the pill, but I haven't taken enough to be covered yet. We'll have to use a condom."

"Suits me just fine," he said with a grin, before planting his lips in the hollow of her throat. He hadn't slept with her since Lucy was born and he was eager to rectify that oversight.


	30. Chapter 30

Harry was tapping his fingers on the desk, waiting for inspiration to strike him. He wanted to call Graham, but getting up the courage was something else. He had both his home number and his mobile thanks to Ruth. How she had found them when she was at home looking after Lucy all day, with no access to the grid or the Home Office was anyone's guess, but Harry was glad she had. He took a deep breath and dialled the mobile number. It rang three times before it got picked up. "Yeah?" Harry recognised the voice immediately, even though it had been years since he'd heard from his son.

"Hi Graham," he said quietly. "I…its dad."

"Oh. Hi," he replied warily. "What do you want?"

Harry felt a pang in his heart but at least Graham hadn't slammed the phone down. Yet. "I wanted to talk to you," Harry said. "Its been too long."

"This is about Lydia isn't it?" Graham sighed. "God, I knew Catey couldn't be trusted. Well, no matter what you say, nothings going to change it. I married her."

"I know," Harry said. "I only have one question."

"What?" Graham said as if expecting the worst.

"Are you happy?"

There was a pause on the line. "That's really what you want to ask me?"

"Yes," Harry replied. "I may not have always shown it, but its what I want for my children."

"Dad, I am happy," he said in a low voice. "She makes me happier than I thought possible." Harry knew how much it cost him to admit that to his father, who hadn't always been supportive of him.

"Good, I'm glad," Harry said softly.

"You mean that don't you?"

"Of course I do," Harry said. "I'm… sorry. I was a bad father to you, and I'm sorry."

"Maybe Catherine was right," Graham said contemplatively. "She said you'd changed. That I should give you a chance." Harry breathed a sigh of relief that his son wasn't in the mood for a fight. "I hear you have a new wife."

"Yes," Harry said. "She's called Ruth."

"Mm," Graham said disinterestedly. Harry felt the need to be honest so he carried on.

"We also have a baby together," he added. "Lucy."

"Yeah, Catey said that," Graham said slowly. "I can't say I'm exactly happy about that, but its not really any of my business."

"I want to make things better Graham," Harry said honestly.

"Then I should have heard about your new family from you, not my sister," Graham said sharply.

"You're right," Harry replied. "I didn't want your disappointment." There was silence again on the phone. "Graham, I'd like to see you."

"No." His son spoke with such surety and quiet conviction that Harry felt his heart drop to the basement. "You can't just come back into my life whenever you chose. Just because you have a new wife and family doesn't change the past."

"Nothing will do that," Harry said. "I want to badly, but I can't. All I can do is try now."

"Do you even care?" Graham asked.

"Of course I do," he said swiftly. "You're my only son and I never wanted us to end up like this."

"Okay," Graham said. "But my life's here and I'm not going to just pick up and come down to London because you have a change of heart."

"Okay," Harry said, sensing a lost cause, as much as he didn't like it.

"But…" Graham tailed off. "I don't like the fact I have a father I don't speak to. As well as your disappointing behaviour as a father, I do know that I was a total brat too. And we're both too stubborn for our own good."

"Never was a truer word spoken," Harry said, knowing that Graham had inherited all of his stubbornness and some of his mothers too.

"If you want to be involved in my life, it would be… nice if you'd call occasionally. Not for the Spanish Inquisition, just for a conversation."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Graham said. "Unless you're calling just because your new wife is pushing you to. Then you can forget it."

"She isn't," Harry said. "And can you call her Ruth? Rather than my new wife? Please?"

"Fine," Graham said. "I do have to go, I'm meant to be working."

"I'll call soon," Harry promised.

"Okay. Bye," he said. Then added "dad."

"Bye." Harry put the phone down feeling an odd sense of relief wash over him. This was good. It was at least progress, even if Graham didn't want to see him yet.

* * *

"No, please…" Harry begged. Ruth was watching him with frightened eyes as a man neither of them recognised put a gun to her head. "Please shoot me instead," Harry pleaded. The man laughed cruelly, his only other reaction to take the safety off the gun. Ruth couldn't move because of the way she was tied to the chair and tears had started falling down her cheeks. They were out of time and she was never going to see Lucy grow up. She would never get to ever kiss Harry again. All those wasted years!

Harry watched, unable to tear his eyes away from what he knew would be his wife's last moments. The gun went off and a howl came from his throat as he saw Ruth's body go slack in her bonds. Her head was leaning to the side, and he saw a clear view of where she'd been shot. Blood was pooling on the concrete floor grotesquely, but all he could think about was that Ruth, his Ruth was gone from the world, never to be seen again. He could do nothing but cry and he didn't even care that the gunman was approaching him. Let him die. Let him join Ruth, because living in a world without her…

"Kill me."

"Oh I don't think it'll be that easy," the man said. Harry watched as more of her blood fell on the floor and felt sick.

"Harry, wake up." Ruth could see this nightmare was bad because he was covered in a cold sweat and the sheets were so tangled around him because of how much he'd been thrashing in his sleep. Ruth slapped his face three times before he awoke with a jerk.

"Its okay," she said swiftly. "You're alright."

"I dreamed that you… You were…"

"I'm fine," she said in a calm voice. He looked at her and realised that she was indeed telling the truth and he pulled her close.

"You were dead," he said, tears already falling down his face. "Don't ever leave me."

"I won't." She stroked his back as he cried into her shoulder. He was holding her far too tightly for comfort but she didn't mind. She knew he just needed reassurance that she was here, in his arms and that she was real.

* * *

**Hope you weren't too worried there for a moment! Thanks for all the reviews so far. Any input on where I should take the Graham storyline?**


	31. Chapter 31

The next morning when Harry awoke, his nightmare was still horribly real. What made it worse was that he woke up alone. But then he smiled when he heard Ruth over the baby monitor. "Now Luce, I want you to be really good and by really quiet because you're dad needs his sleep. Shockingly enough it was him that woke me last night, not you. That's right my girl! No be good while I change your nappy okay?" Harry smiled listening to Ruth trying to keep Lucy quiet. A few minutes later Ruth carried on speaking. "There we go, that's better isn't it? Hungry?" Harry heard the rustle of material and thought this would be an opportune moment to make his entrance. He walked through to the nursery and Ruth smiled as he opened the door.

"God, any opportunity for you to see my breasts," she said with a smile, shaking her head.

"Can you blame me?" he said with a smirk.

"Are you alright," she asked seriously.

"Yes," he said with a sigh. "That was a bad night, but I'm okay."

"Good," she said. "I tried to get Lucy before she cried. I hope I didn't wake you?"

"Waking up to your voice is a wonderful way to start the day, trust me." She smiled and they stayed silent until Ruth had finished feeding Lucy, who now seemed bright eyed and ready to start her day. "Hand her here," Harry said. Ruth obliged and Harry cuddled his daughter. He had a fantastic family to drive away the demons of the night.

* * *

A couple of weeks later Lucy was in her rocker and Ruth was desperately trying to get her to smile. At five weeks old it should be happening any time now. "Come on baby girl, give mummy a smile." Ruth tickled her stomach lightly. She'd tried making funny faces and even singing to her but it hadn't worked. She was on the verge of giving up (for today anyway) when she heard the door unlock and Harry came in. Lucy looked up at him and then smiled, much to Ruth's astonishment.

"I've been trying to get her to do that all day!" Ruth said indignantly. "Oh but daddy comes home and she smiles right away!"

"I'm special," Harry said, picking Lucy up and rubbing his nose against hers. Then he saw Ruth glowering at him. "Oh she'll do it for you soon, calm down." Ruth contented herself instead by kissing her husband hello. "I called Graham today?"

"How is he?" Ruth asked making Harry a cup of tea.

"It was a very positive conversation," Harry said. "He actually volunteered some information about his wife without me pushing him. I'm really pleased about that. Lydia's a primary school teacher."

Ruth smiled, sensing her husband was irrationally pleased with this small development. But things like this were the reasons that she loved him in the first place. "I'm going to give Lucy a bath later. Want to help?"

"You know the answer to that already," Harry answered. Ruth smirked happily.

* * *

Ruth looked in the mirror and sighed. She was dressed for her first day back at work and was both dreading it and looking forward to it. "You don't have to go back yet," Harry said, appearing in the doorway.

"I know I have a few more weeks but if I spend any more time with Lucy I won't want to go back at all. I need to know I'm more than a wife and mother. I need to know my talents go beyond singing our daughter to sleep. But I am going to miss her."

"Okay," Harry said, sensing that arguing wasn't going to do any good at all. "Lucy will be fine."

"I know she will be," Ruth said with confidence. They had found a nanny a couple of weeks ago, Susan. She was around Ruth's age and clearly loved children. They had no fear that Lucy wouldn't be well cared for while they were working.

"You look great," Harry said.

"Really?" she asked, still not feeling very confident. She was still carrying quite a bit of pregnancy weight and felt a little self conscious.

"Yes," he replied honestly. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her behind her ear. "I love you."

"I know." She sighed again. "Is it wrong to hope for a terrorist plot? So I can work on something juicy to distract me?"

"Maybe slightly," Harry said with a chuckle. At that moment the doorbell rang and Lucy cried at the noise. "I'll get her, you get the door." Ruth nodded and brushed her hair once before letting the nanny in.

* * *

Ruth entered the Home Office and felt slightly awed that nothing seemed to have changed in her months away. "Hello Ruth." She turned and saw Towers who was smiling at her.

"Tell me you have something good for me to do," Ruth quietly begged. "Otherwise there's a really good chance I'll go home and lock myself in the house with my daughter and never come out again."

Towers laughed at her slightly. "How is Lucy?"

"Bright as a button and gorgeous," Ruth said quickly. "Seriously, what can I do today?"

"There's a potential Arab bomber living in a squat in south east London. Harry's been monitoring him but you can do some background research on him of you like?"

"Perfect," she said. "Just give me his name."

"Aalam Mahmood," Towers said. Ruth grinned happily and went to her computer and started her research.

* * *

Just before lunch she sent Harry a quick email message.

_Hi, what do you know about Aalam Mahmood? Love you, R x_

It only took five minutes before she got a reply.

_I see Towers threw you in at the deep end. Have you found out anything interesting? He won't get anywhere near real explosives, we've replaced them with blanks. We want his boss, not him. Love you too x_

She quickly typed back.

_I'm relieved to be doing something useful. It takes my mind off of Lucy. Yes, useful information, he's been absorbed into Al Qaeda culture and is convinced he's doing the right thing. I'm fairly certain he's working for a man called Thomas Grey._

_British?_

_Yes. Converted to Islam twenty years ago. Run him through the system, see what you find._

_Thanks for the information. Talk to you later. X_

Half an hour later Ruth's desk phone rang and she answered it. "You were right," Harry's voice said. "He's on his way to being arrested right now. We'll be rounding up his associates as soon as we can, and I'm sure he'll break under interrogation."

"Tell me some more about the case," Ruth asked quietly.

"Why?"

"Because your voice changes," she said after making sure no one was listening to her call. "When you're talking about the job, your voice gets slightly harsher and a little more confident. Its been so long since I've heard you talk like that. So please carry on."

"You like that do you?" he asked and she knew without even seeing him that he was smirking.

"Yes," she said slightly breathlessly.

"Okay then," Harry replied, casting his mind around for some mundane topic. "We've been following a couple of renegade CIA agents who have shored up somewhere on the south coast, completely without reason." Ruth closed her eyes and allowed his voice to wash over her with a small sigh. She loved hearing him like this.

* * *

Ruth opened her front door and hurried to greet her daughter. "Hi gorgeous!" she said easily. She rubbed her nose against Lucy's and she chuckled in a very heart warming way. "Has she been alright today?"

"Oh yes," Susan said. "She's been a very good girl."

"Good," Ruth said picking Lucy up and smiling as the girl kicked experimentally in her arms. "Are you going to be a footballer sweetheart?"

"I'll see you tomorrow," Susan said happily, leaving the house.

"Just mummy and her girl then," Ruth said.

"Ga?"

"Yes sweetheart." Ruth tickled Lucy until the little girl seemed tired completely and then cuddled her again. "Daddy will be home soon."

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed this latest instalment! Thanks for the reviews so far :-)**


	32. Chapter 32

**I didn't mean to make people worry with Ruth's last comment of the last chapter: "daddy'll be home soon," so sorry about worrying you!**

* * *

"Graham wants to see me." Ruth put Lucy down and stared at Harry as he took his coat off.

"When did he tell you that?" she asked, standing up and kissing him hello.

"On the phone today," Harry replied. "He told me that he didn't exactly expect me to stay in contact with him when I first called months ago, and he said he'd like to see me." Harry got distracted as he watched Lucy slowly crawl closer to him. She had only just started to do it, so her progress was very slow, but Harry knew it wouldn't be long before they were running around after her. "Him and Lydia are coming down to London this weekend. He suggested the four of us going out for a meal. I think he'd rather be in a public place to try and avoid arguments."

"But what about Luce?"

"I've already asked Susan to baby-sit if that's okay?"

"Perfect," Ruth said as Harry bent down to pick up Lucy and kissed her hair (now rapidly losing its blondeness and going to Ruth's dark brown) before she started to squirm. Harry put her down and she started rolling over on the floor, giggling to herself. "Now Harry, you are going to be civil aren't you?"

"Of course I am," Harry said. "I want to see Graham, its been so long."

"Yes, but you have to be nice to his wife too. I don't care what you think of her, just be nice for your sons sake."

"Yes," he said, breathing heavily. "Fine. I told you this when we met Nathan, I will behave."

"Good." They were both distracted by Lucy pulling on Harry's trouser leg and gurgling to herself. They smiled at their daughter and neither could think of anything that could make them happier than their beautiful little girl.

* * *

The night before their planned dinner with Graham, Harry couldn't sleep. Which meant Ruth couldn't sleep either, as she was never at ease when Harry was restless. "What is it?" she asked, giving up on sleep and sitting up, watching her husband in the barest shimmer of moonlight through the window.

"Its stupid," he said quietly. "Go to sleep."

"I can't possibly sleep when you're worrying. Just tell me."

Harry sighed before opening his mouth. "Do you want another baby?"

"What?!"

"Sh, don't wake Lucy," Harry said. "It was a thought. That's all, forget it."

"W… just… why?" Ruth asked, completely thrown.

"I wondered if you'd like Lucy to have a sibling," Harry said. "And if you did, or you wanted another child, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, it would have to be quite soon. We're both… you know." She did know. He was saying they were both getting on in years so if they wanted to try again, they had a time limit. And he was bringing it up now, as opposed to five years time when it would probably be too late.

"Do you want another child?" she asked, feeling as he had started this conversation the answer might well be yes.

"I asked you first," Harry said, eyes twinkling.

"… No," she said eventually. "I don't want another baby. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely happy that we had a little accident and had Lucy, but I don't think I want it to happen again. Do you want another one?"

"I want whatever you want," he said enigmatically. The look on her face told her it wasn't enough so he continued. "I mean it. If you wanted another child, I would more than happily try for a baby again. But I'm also happy to leave our family at us and Lucy. Truly."

"You'd do whatever you could to make me happy wouldn't you?" she asked as that sunk in.

"Of course I would," Harry said. "Its what I've always wanted. For you to be happy." Ruth smiled at him and kissed him passionately, feeling her heart race.

"I love you," she whispered against his lips. He smiled at her before pulling her in for another long deep kiss.

* * *

The next evening both Harry and Ruth were already at the restaurant, waiting for Graham and Lydia. "They're late," Harry said gruffly. Ruth knew perfectly well that his harsh demeanour was hiding how nervous he truly was about this meeting.

"Only a couple of minutes," she said softly. "And don't be harsh when they arrive. Please." He nodded in acknowledgement as his eyes returned to the door. A couple of minutes later they walked in. Harry recognised his son immediately, even though it had been years. He looked much the same as he always had, except perhaps a little healthier and happier. Lydia on the other hand, she looked as if she'd stepped off the front cover of Vogue. Platinum blonde, tall, well dressed, supermodel slim, young and beautiful. Harry blinked at her a couple of times, unable to believe that this vision was with his son.

"Harry, get your jaw off of the floor," Ruth said quietly just before they came into ear shot.

"Hello," she said cheerfully as Harry wiped the slightly shocked look off of his face.

"Hi dad," Graham said almost shyly.

"Its really good to see you," Harry replied honestly. "You must be Lydia. Its nice to meet you." She smiled prettily at Harry and then turned to Ruth.

"Hello Ruth," she said softly as Graham smiled at his step mother.

"Its good to finally meet you," Graham said.

"And you," Ruth replied as the two sat down opposite them.

"Sorry we're late," Graham said. "We had a bloody nightmare parking. I hate London."  
Harry smiled good naturedly, determined to be pleasant to both of them, no matter what was said tonight. They were interrupted by the waitress taking a drinks order and giving them menus. So far so good.

* * *

"How's Lucy?" Graham asked Ruth after they'd finished their main courses.

"Beautiful," Ruth replied. "But then again, I'm her mother so I'm completely biased."

"Have you got a picture?" Lydia asked. Ruth nodded and got her purse out, taking a small photo out and handing it over. "Oh she's precious," Lydia said. "Really."

"Thank you," Ruth said, taking the picture back and carefully stowing it away.

"So, how is work going?" Harry asked his son.

"Good," he said. "I know you don't really approve of me being a truck driver but…"

"Graham, you have a job," Harry said. "As long as you're happy I really don't care."

"It would have been nice to hear that fifteen years ago," Graham said.

"I know," Harry said. "It took time for me to realise what's more important. I'm sorry."

"Thanks dad."

Both women breathed a small sigh of relief and Lydia changed the subject slightly. "So, dessert?"

* * *

That night in bed Harry felt pure relief and Ruth could tell. "That went well," he said.

"It did," Ruth agreed. "I think its good you took things slowly, otherwise I don't think Graham would have been so accepting of Lucy and myself."

"I agree," he said. He put an arm around her, drawing her close. "What is Lydia doing with him though. Not to be too blunt but she's an absolute beauty, and I love my son but how did he snare her?"

"That's easy to answer," Ruth said. "The Pearce charm. It's a killer." Harry raised his eyebrows at her curiously so she sighed and continued. "Do you really think when I met you it was love at first sight? It wasn't, Harry."

"No?"

"Harry, you were my boss, so you couldn't date me anyway, there's quite a large age gap between us, at the time I met you, you had two children whom you didn't speak to, a failed marriage and an abysmal track record with women and countless affairs. Which before you ask, I did look up in your records, even though I shouldn't have. Rationally and logically. falling for you was an incredibly bad decision. And yet I fell for you anyway. It didn't matter how many times I told myself that if anything happened between us, you'd break my heart or leave me, I couldn't help myself. When you want to, you can be very irresistible. And I daresay its genetic, hence the beauty on your sons arm."

Harry didn't know quite what to say after that little speech so he was silent for a moment or two. "Did you really think that I'd cheat on you?"

"When I first met you, yes," Ruth said. "But then time passed, and you never seemed interested in any other woman, except me. And eight years is hardly an easy conquest so I… let go of that fear. I no longer believe you'll sleep with someone else, or break my heart."

"Good," he said firmly. "Because I have no intention of doing either." He sealed the statement with a loving kiss and soon, they both drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**I struggled to write the dinner with Graham so I hope I did okay. I'm planning to skip ahead to when Lucy's five or so if this is okay?**


	33. Chapter 33

Ruth woke up feeling happy. Still drowsy, she put her arm across the bed, feeling for Harry. And then she remembered that Harry wasn't here with her and her heart dropped to the floor. Instead, she rolled over and reached for the phone, dialling Harry's mobile without even looking at the numbers.

"Morning," he said in a voice which told her she'd woken him up. Only feeling a tad guilty, she pushed the thought aside.

"I miss you," Ruth said. "Oh God, I miss you. I never thought it would be this bad for just a week."

Harry chuckled slightly. "I'll be home Sunday night," he said. "Just thirty six more hours and then I'll be all yours."

"Good," Ruth said fervently. "You won't get any sleep that night, I promise you."

"You could actually say the words," Harry teased.

"I could but there are little ears pricking," Ruth said as Lucy peered around the doorframe, thumb in her mouth.

"Fine," Harry said. "We're going to have a long and sleepless night having sex. Now that's settled, can I speak to her?"

"Hey Lucy. Want to speak to your dad sweetheart?" She nodded firmly and then jumped on the bed, holding her hand out for the phone.

"Daddy!"

"Good morning gorgeous. How's my favourite girl?"

"Good," Lucy said. "Sleepy."

"Have you had your breakfast yet?"

"No. I just woke up," she said simply. "When are you coming home?"

"Tomorrow night," Harry replied. "You might be asleep when I come in. I'll see you in the morning though, I promise."

"That's good!" Lucy said. "I want to see you. I miss you daddy!"

"Oh, I miss you too," Harry said. "I promise that once I'm home I'll be with you much more often. I'm retiring."

"What's that mean?"

"It means I won't have to go to work any longer. I'll be at home a lot more with you."

"That sounds like fun!"

"Yeah?"

"Yes. You know, mummy's going to take me shopping today!" Lucy said happily. "You did promise didn't you mummy?"

"Yes sweetheart," Harry heard Ruth say patiently and he smiled even though they couldn't see him. "Can you put your mum back on?"

"Okay, bye bye daddy," Lucy said happily, giving the phone back to Ruth and smiling at her.

"You have a safe flight back," Ruth said quietly.

"I will. One more duty as section head, training new spies in the depths of Ireland and then you're stuck with me for all eternity."

"Sounds perfect," she said with such sincerity that he felt his face grow warm in spite of himself.

"My flight gets in at eight tomorrow night. You stay with Luce and I'll see you when I get in."

"You sure? Catherine and Nathan have offered to babysit."

"No," Harry said. "I want to see you, but I also want to know Lucy's sleeping happily."

"I'll see you Sunday night then," Ruth said. "I didn't know it was possible to miss you this much."

"Glad to know I've made this impression on you after all these years," Harry said and she knew he was smirking. "I have to go."

"I know," Ruth said with a smile.

"Mummy!"

"I have to go too," Ruth said. "Our girl wants me."

"I love you," Harry whispered, making her shiver, even though hundreds of miles separated them.

"I love you too."

"Can I have breakfast mummy?" Lucy asked with amber eyes which were so like Harry's, almost making her heart stop.

"I'll talk to you later."

"Bye." Ruth put the phone down and ran a hand through Lucy's waist length brown hair, which she refused to have cut and smiled.

"Breakfast?"

"Come on then sweetheart. Lets get you fed." Lucy grinned at her mum and they went into the kitchen.

* * *

That afternoon, as promised Ruth took Lucy shopping. They were looking for her new school uniform as Lucy started next month. She was so excited to be going to "big school" as she called it. And Ruth had been forbidden from buying her school uniform without Lucy being present. She was so fussy about what she wore!

"Right Luce, you need white shirts, so you can pick this one, or this one," Ruth said holding them up. She had learned from experience that if she bought an item of clothing her daughter didn't like, it simply wouldn't be worn without a major temper tantrum. And generally Lucy was a good girl. She rarely argued about bedtime, what she ate or what she was told to do. It was just clothes, so Ruth had decided to cut her losses and just let Lucy chose. It was easier.

"I like that one," Lucy said, pointing.

"Okay, we'll go and try it on then. Do you want skirts or trousers for school?"

"I'm a girl mummy!"

"Sorry, silly me," Ruth said with a smile. She picked several black and navy skirts off of the racks and showed them to Lucy. She hummed to herself, debating seriously before choosing two she liked. Ruth added them to the pile of clothes to be tried on and then got distracted as her phone rang. "Lucy, why don't you have a look at school bags while mummy answers this okay? They're right there at the back of the shop." Lucy looked, saw them and then darted off, Ruth keeping her in her sight while she answered the phone.

"Yes?"

"Hi Ruth, its Graham."

"Oh, hi," she said quickly. He wasn't in the habit of calling her often so she wondered what was up.

"Have you got a minute to talk?"

"Yes," she said, sensing this was important. "I'm just with Lucy shopping. She's distracted by things pink and glittery. I have a minute."

"Good, because I have some news," Graham said eagerly.

"Oh?"

"Lydia's pregnant."

"Oh that's wonderful," Ruth said honestly. Lydia had privately confided to her about a year ago that they were trying but were struggling to conceive so Ruth knew how much this would mean to them. "I bet you're both thrilled."

"Yes we are," Graham said happily. "I just wanted a little advice," he added. "How do I tell dad?"

"Just tell him," Ruth said sincerely as she watched Lucy find a purple hair band that she liked. "He might act all stern but its just a front. And then I get to tease him about being a granddad, that might be fun." Graham laughed. Ruth was so busy talking to her stepson and watching Lucy at the same time that her spook instincts seemed to have abandoned her. So she didn't hear it at first. She didn't notice when everyone in the shopping centre suddenly froze. It was the gunshots that drew her attention. Then the screams. Ruth dropped the phone and could only think of one thing. **Lucy**. Before she could do so much as turn and take a step towards her daughter, she felt an incredible pain go through the back of her head as she collapsed on the floor and everything went black.

Lucy turned around, hearing the gunshots and saw Ruth crumple to the floor. "Mummy!" she screamed. "Mummy!" Lucy tried running towards Ruth, but was knocked to the floor suddenly, her breath coming out in a huff.

"Don't move," a greying woman told her, holding her to the floor as screams kept showering the shopping centre. "It'll be alright, but don't move, okay?"

"Okay," Lucy said, tears in her eyes, but sensing it was important to listen to this stranger.

"Good girl." Lucy stayed as still as she could, trying to forget how her mother had fallen to the floor in a crumpled heap. The noises all stopped very quickly and Lucy was allowed to sit up soon.

"What's happening?" she asked tearfully.

"I don't know," the woman said, reaching for the phone on the cash desk to call 999. "Where's your mum?"

"She fell down by the door. I don't know… what?" Lucy fell silent and cried to herself. "I'm going to see her."

"No!" the woman said. Whatever had happened, it was no sight for a five year old. "Yes, there's been a shooting," she said to the receptionist as she answered the phone. She held Lucy's hand as she continued to relay details to emergency services. When she put the phone down, she could hear sirens already approaching, so she guessed others had called too. "So tell me about you," the woman said, trying to distract her. "Whats your name?"

"I'm not supposed to speak to strangers," she said with a sniff.

"Oh I think its okay today," the woman said. "I'm Margaret."

"Lucy," she replied. "I want my mummy."

"I know," Margaret said, ignoring the upswing of noise as paramedics and police started to slowly filter through the shopping centre. "She'll be alright. Have you got any brothers or sisters?"

"Graham and Catey," Lucy said rubbing her tears away. "They're older than me though. I like Catey, she's really nice. Last time I saw her she bought me a wonderful pink summer-y dress. Its so pretty. I love it."

"Good," Margaret said. She spent a long time trying to distract Lucy from what had just happened, as well as distracting herself.

* * *

**Now you all hate me, please leave a review! Thanks so much, x**


	34. Chapter 34

**I've spent all day writing this because I didn't want to leave you on a cliffhanger for too long! Thanks for the reviews so far, and I hope this meets with expectations.**

* * *

Harry was in a conference meeting with new recruits when his phone rang. Frowning, he excused himself and looked at caller ID. It was Graham. Answering it quickly he got a sense of foreboding which he couldn't explain.

"Graham?"

"Oh dad, thank God you answered," Graham replied breathlessly.

"What is it? I'm not meaning to revert to old behaviour, but I am in a meeting. I'm retiring on Monday, so it'll be the last time, I promise."

"Dad! Shut up and listen, please."

"I'm listening," Harry said calmly.

"I called Ruth five minutes ago. She answered and we were talking when suddenly everything went quiet. I heard gunshots and screaming in the background and then the line went dead. I didn't know what I should do, so I called you."

"Do you know where she was?" Harry asked in a shockingly calm voice as his mind went into freefall. God no, not Ruth.

"I know she was shopping and that Lucy was with her, but that's all. I'm sorry dad."

"Thanks for calling, I have to go," Harry said in one quick breath. He didn't even pause to say goodbye, but he knew Graham understood. Not either of them, please God, he prayed as he quickly dialled through to Erin, using his codes and begging her to pick up quickly. Ruth and Lucy could be hurt, they could be dying right now… No don't think that.

"Harry," Erin's wonderfully welcome voice said. "Is there a problem?"

"Yes. I know there's been a shooting in London, do you have any intel?"

"Yeah, we've had an alert from the police in the last couple of minutes," Erin agreed. "Crazed gunman in Westfield shopping centre. Its not terrorist or MI5 related and they know what they are doing so we're leaving them to it. What's the issue?"

"I think Ruth and Lucy were there," Harry said, his voice shaking for the first time. "I need to get home to London."

"Why do you think they were there?" Erin asked. Harry briefly explained and her voice got serious. "I'll call the hospitals and police and ask for information," she said. "I'll also try and get a helicopter organised so you can get back to London, okay?"

"Yes, thank you," Harry said sincerely. "Oh God, they could be… what do I do if…"

"Don't think like that, I'll get some information and call you back."

"Okay," Harry said quietly. He put the phone down and for a minute focused on breathing in and out slowly. He didn't want to faint because that wouldn't do anyone any good would it? He tried calling Ruth's mobile but it kept going straight through to answer phone, so after five minutes or so he gave up. He felt the tears starting to well up but then he gave himself a shake. He couldn't fall apart. Time to do that later when Lucy and Ruth were safe in his arms.

"Come on, pull yourself together Harry."

* * *

Just before the helicopter landed Harry got a call. "Erin?"

"Well, I have a mixture of good news, and no news," she said. "The bad news is they're having problems identifying people very quickly. The hospital is a mess, but the good news is that no children have been killed. Only one injured, a ten year old boy, so Lucy should be fine."

"Do you know where she is?"

"No, but social services have been swarming around everywhere. There's a lot of crying children."

"What's the death toll?" Harry asked.

"Twelve at the moment," Erin said. "And the killer shot himself."

"Fucking coward," Harry said with heat. At that moment Erin heard the helicopter approaching and disconnected the call quickly, knowing that Harry desperately needed to come back to London for his sanity.

* * *

As the helicopter landed back in London, Harry was in work mode. He wouldn't allow himself to think of the possible injuries or even deaths of those he loved. Of those he valued more than his own life. He was mentally treating this like an operation, because he couldn't allow himself to think of the worst. If he thought Ruth or Lucy were dead, he wouldn't be able to cope, and he wouldn't be able to go through the motions until he knew for sure. He got out and saw a car waiting for him. Thank you Erin, he thought fervently and he ran to the car.

The driver coughed once before speaking. "I'm to take you to St Mary's hospital if that's okay sir?"

"Fine," Harry said. "Quick as you can."

"Yes sir." Harry called Erin again.

"Any news?"

"Yes and you're not going to like it," Erin said with a sigh. "Ruth's in surgery."

"What! What the hell happened?"

"She was shot, I don't know any more details, they won't tell them to non family members. It was amazing I got that information in the first place."

"Oh no," Harry said, closing his eyes and praying to God that she'd be safe.

"She's alive, you have to focus on that."

"Yes you're right." Harry agreed. He took a shaky breath before asking the next question. "Lucy?"

"They've started calling the kids parents. I daresay you'll get a call soon. Otherwise social services have grouped them together at the hospital in a spare room. There's about a dozen kids who've can't find their families."

"Okay," Harry said. "Do you really think Lucy's okay?"

"Yes," Erin said firmly. "No one under seventeen was shot or hurt, except for one boy who got caught in the crush. She'll be fine."

"That's good. Uh… Erin? Can you call me if you find anything else?"

"Of course Harry." Erin sighed slightly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't say that," he replied forcefully. "They'll be fine."

"Okay. I'll talk to you later." Erin put the phone down as Harry silently started crying. He was trying to hold himself together but knowing Ruth was in surgery put things in a different perspective. A terrifying prospect that he might lose her. He couldn't lose her. He just couldn't.

* * *

Lucy was so very tired. She wanted to see her mum but no one was telling her anything. Or her dad. But he was away until tomorrow. She'd been taken to the hospital and it was so noisy here. But they had put on her favourite film, The Little Mermaid, so as she'd got tired of asking about her parents with no answer, she put her head on Margaret's shoulder and closed her eyes. Hoping that when she woke up it would all be a bad dream. She must have slipped off because the next time she opened her eyes she heard someone saying her name. "Lucy!"

"Daddy!" Lucy's eyes landed on Harry and she ran towards him, arms wide.

"Oh, hello gorgeous," he said with a smile, lifting the girl up into his arms. "Cor, you've got heavy." Lucy chuckled slightly.

"I missed you daddy."

"I missed you too princess." Harry kissed her hair and then put her down. "Catherine's going to be here in a minute to take you home and put you to bed, okay?"

"Yes," she said. "Can I watch the end of the film? I like this bit!"

"You like every bit of this film," Harry said accurately. Lucy giggled.

"Please?"

"Of course you can watch the end," Harry said, forcing a smile.

"Where's mummy?"

"I'm not sure sweetheart," he said. "You watch the end and I'll find out." At this moment in time a doctor was getting him information about Ruth's condition but he'd wanted to see if Lucy was okay. And she certainly seemed that way now.

"I'll look after her," Margaret said with a smile.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, she's a chatty little thing. And I want to see how the film finishes anyway." Margaret smiled. "Reminds me of my daughter you know."

"Thank you very much," Harry said sincerely, noting at the same time that there was a guard on the door, not letting any children leave without their own families, and Lucy's eyes were already magnetised to the TV again. Harry left and as soon as he did, he almost physically bumped into the doctor who had indeed been checking on Ruth. "How is she?"

"Alive, but the news isn't all good," he said with a sigh. "Do you want to sit down?"

"No, just tell me," Harry said firmly.

"Okay," the doctor said slowly. "She was shot in the back of the head."

"What?" Harry said in a hushed, fearful voice.

"She was bloody lucky," the doctor added forcefully. "To be honest, we were expecting her to arrest on the operating table when we extracted the bullet. But she didn't. She pulled through."

"She's alive?" Harry asked weakly, voice shaking now.

"She is," the doctor reassured. "We are worried about brain damage, I have to tell you."

"What's the prognosis?"

"We won't know until she wakes up," the doctor said calmly.

"How long?"

"Until she's ready," the doctor said unhelpfully. "It could be days, it might be weeks. Brain injuries aren't like anything else. She could recover totally in a few weeks, or she might never regain everything she had. I'm sorry I can't be more specific."

"I want to see her." The doctor nodded and Harry saw Catherine out of the corner of his eye going through to find Lucy so he had no worries leaving his daughter, to be with his wife instead. It seemed to take no time at all when he was outside her door. He opened the door after taking a second and he saw her lying on the bed looking so small.

"Oh my God Ruth," he breathed. She had a tube down her throat, machines beeping in the background and a deceptively small bandage on the back of her head. "Oh my God." The doctor tactfully left and Harry walked slowly towards her, sitting down next to her. "Oh you can't leave me," he whispered. "I need you." He took her hand and felt slightly relieved that it wasn't cold. She felt almost normal under his touch. He kissed her forehead softly and stroked her hair. She did feel alive, but unnaturally still. "Lucy needs you. We all need you. So you can't leave me. Us." The emotions that he'd been keeping bottled in all day overflowed. He hadn't fully cried since Ruth threatened to leave him years ago. He'd had tears in his eyes when Lucy was born, and when she took her first steps, but he hadn't actually cried. And it had been even longer since he had sobbed his heart out from the bottom of his soul like he was doing right now. "Oh Ruth…" he said in a ragged gasp. "Please, hold on for me and our girl. Please." And then he cried so desperately and heart brokenly that he simply couldn't stop.

* * *

**I believe that Harry would be able to be almost clinical throughout the day, because he's trained to be calm in absolute horrible situations. I do see him keeping it together but then completely falling apart so I hope I've made this at least slightly realistic. Also all medical facts have been completely made up!**


	35. Chapter 35

Harry was completely oblivious to time passing as he sat at Ruth's bedside, holding her hand. The only sign that he'd been there for hours was when sunlight started to filter gently through the window. He turned to his wife and kissed her cheek. "I'm so sorry, but I'm going to have to leave. I'll be back later but I'm going home to see Lucy. And if you were awake I know what you'd tell me. You'd tell me to go home because you don't even know I'm here anyway. I'll be back later. Get better, please." He kissed her again, squeezed her hand and left her room. He knew rationally he needed sleep and food if he was going to be any use to anyone at all. But more than that, he needed his daughter.

* * *

He opened the front door and was happy to see both Catherine and Lucy in the kitchen having breakfast. "Daddy!" Lucy got up and threw herself into Harry's arms.

"Good morning sweetheart," Harry said, kissing her messy hair before putting her back on the kitchen chair. "Hi Catherine, thank you," he added fervently.

"Its fine," Catherine said sincerely, putting the kettle on. "Really. How is she?" Harry glanced at Lucy but she was absorbed in her toast and ignoring the adults conversation. Harry nodded to the corridor so they left Lucy alone. "Well?"

"Alive," Harry said. "Er… she was shot in the head." Harry took a very shaky breath as he said that, almost unable to comprehend it. The horrified look on his eldest's face didn't help either. "They don't know if she's going to wake up. Or if she does what kind of brain damage she might have. I don't know what I'm going to do if…" He started silently crying and Catherine was shocked. She had never seen her father cry, ever. She wrapped her arms around him, trying to comfort him.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" she asked when he straightened up.

"Er… no," he said slowly. "I was just holding her hand."

"Okay," Catherine said slowly. "You go to sleep for a couple of hours and I'll look after Lucy."

"No, I have to…"

"I'm not asking you," Catherine said with the Pearce stubbornness emerging.

"Alright, but I want to eat something first. I haven't had anything since breakfast yesterday."

"Fine," Catherine said with a smile. "I can agree to that. Just remember how stubborn Ruth is. She will want to see Lucy grow up, so she'll wake up."

"Thank you Catherine," he said honestly. "For everything." She smiled and then they went back in the kitchen, trying to act normal, for Lucy's sake even if nothing else.

* * *

Harry felt surprised when he woke up to realise he had got four hours sleep. He knew he'd been tired but he hadn't expected to sleep that much with his worry over Ruth. The first thing he did was call the hospital to see how Ruth was. The receptionist eagerly told him that there was no change.

"That's not good news," he said gruffly, annoyed by her cheerful optimism.

"Actually it is," she said. "It means that while we can't sense a difference, she is at least recuperating. She isn't giving up." Harry grunted in acceptance. He wouldn't breathe freely again until she was awake and well. He put the phone down and quickly dressed. Going downstairs he was surprised when he saw Lucy just taking her coat off.

"Daddy, Catey took me to the park!"

"Oh you have fun?"

"She's the best big sister!"

"I take that as a yes," Harry said. Somehow it didn't feel wrong to smile when he was looking at his family. "Thank you so much Catherine. You've been a real help."

"Its fine," Catherine said. "Really, its probably practice for when I have one of my own." Harry froze and she laughed. "I am married, dad."

"I know, but I am far too young to be a grandfather," Harry said.

"Well, I was far too old to have a baby sister but it didn't stop you," Catherine countered.

"I'm not a baby!" Lucy said indignantly making both adults smile. It didn't last when she spoke again. "I miss mummy," she said with sad eyes. "Where is she?"

"Mum's in hospital," Harry said. "She's not very well, but she is going to get better."

"Yeah?" Lucy asked warily.

"Yes," Harry said firmly, even though he himself wasn't convinced.

"Can I see her then?"

"Okay," Harry replied after a moment. "But she'll be sleeping."

"I'll be quiet," Lucy said in an eager whisper.

"Lets go then."

* * *

Outside of Ruth's hospital room Harry had a quick glance and saw that nothing had changed so he picked Lucy up and spoke to her seriously. "Now Luce, mum's got a bandage on the back of her head," Harry said.

"Did her head get hurt?"

"Yeah it did," Harry replied. "She also has a tube in her mouth. Its making sure she can breathe properly."

"Okay," Lucy said with such calmness that Harry found it shocking. Harry opened the door and Lucy bounded in quickly and started jabbering away, ignoring the fact that Ruth was oblivious. Harry watched his daughter chat and felt a rush of pride that she could so easily take everything in her stride. When she eventually came to a stop, she was watching Ruth carefully. Harry started to worry, but then she said something which made him laugh. "You know daddy, she looks like sleeping beauty."

"I suppose she does," Harry agreed.

"Well then its clear what you have to do isn't it?"

"Is it?"

"The prince kisses her and then sleeping beauty wakes up!" Lucy said simply. "Honestly daddy, I'd thought you would have known that!"

"Mm, I should have known that," Harry agreed. He leaned over and kissed Ruth's cheek softly. Of course it didn't have any effect at all.

"You're doing it wrong," Lucy huffed. "You're meant to kiss her here." She put her hand on her lips as if he was missing something very simple.

"Tell you what, I'll try that when the doctors take her breathing tube out. Does that sound like a deal?"

"Okay," she said. "I'm going to make you a get well card mummy," Lucy added, squeezing Ruth's hand. "You'll like it, I promise."

"Will it be pink?"

"Of course!"

"I'm sure she'll love it," Harry said. Lucy was clearly getting bored speaking to someone who wasn't replying so she started pulling a button off of her coat. "Do you want to go home?"

"I don't mind," Lucy said more diplomatically than someone should be at five years old. Harry kissed Ruth's cheek once more and whispered to her, "get well soon darling. Take all the time you need, just come back to us. Okay? I love you. We both do."

* * *

**I hope this is okay for an instalment at the moment, even though its a little inbetween-ish. Thanks for the great reviews so far! x**


	36. Chapter 36

Ten days later Harry visited Ruth on his own. Catherine was looking after Lucy again but Harry was thrilled that her breathing tube had been removed yesterday. She was breathing on her own again. It made him almost believe that she'd come back to him soon. "Hi Ruth," he said, brushing her hair off of her face and kissing her forehead. "How are you feeling?" Then he felt slightly stupid for speaking to her when she couldn't reply. "Lucy's been decorating so many cards for you I think our kitchen table is going to be permanently stained with pink glitter you know."

"...oh…" Harry froze. She hadn't moved but he had heard her moan, he knew it.

"Ruth, oh come on, say something," he begged, holding her hand tightly.

"Huh?" Her breathing had changed and was very heavy and Harry smiled, even though it sounded bad.

"Can you hear me?" Harry asked calmly.

"...Christ, I've got a headache," she murmured, her voice hoarse, but most definitely her voice. In spite of himself he laughed slightly. Then she opened her eyes and glared at him. "Luce…" she said, eyes wide with terror as she tried to sit up. "Is Lucy…?"

"She's perfectly fine," Harry said assuring her. He gripped her hand tightly.

"You promise?"

"Yes," he said. "Who'd you think made you all the pink get well cards?" Ruth looked to the bedside table and smiled, relaxing on the bed.

"Can you get me a drink please?" Harry nodded and poured her some water and handed it to her. "God I feel bad. Like I've got the mother of all hangovers, but without the enjoyment of the night before."

"I've got my Ruth back," Harry said with happiness. And then he burst into tears.

"Hey, what is it?" she asked, stroking his shoulders, the only part of him she could reach as he'd collapsed on her bed. As her head was thumping so bad she couldn't think of anything intelligible to say, so instead she allowed her fingers to run through his hair, feeling his curls until he quietened.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I thought I might lose you. I thought you might… die on me. I couldn't bear it. Oh God."

"I'm here," she said, a small smile on her face. "What happened?"

"Crazy gunman lose in the shopping centre. Got you in the back of the head. I'm sure they'll be testing you for brain damage when they know you've woken up. You've been unconscious for a while."

"How long?" Ruth asked seriously. "How long have I been out of it?"

"About ten days, why?" he asked, unsure of why it seemed so important. She relaxed when she heard that.

"I didn't want to miss Lucy's first day of school," she said. "That's all." Harry smiled. This was the Ruth he knew and loved.

"God, I love you so much." He kissed her lips firmly, as if reclaiming her, but she didn't really mind.

"Can you get a doctor or a nurse to give me a painkiller or something. My head is aching so much."

"Yeah," Harry nodded. He went to the door and heard her voice call him back slightly.

"And I love you too." He smiled as her eyes closed and his heart had never felt lighter.

* * *

That afternoon Harry brought Lucy to see her mum. He thought it would be good for both of them, and was getting bored of Lucy asking when Ruth would wake up. So he opened her hospital room door and was slightly disappointed to see Ruth sleeping. "Now sweetheart be quiet," Harry said.

"Okay." As soon as Lucy spoke Ruth opened her eyes and Harry knew she hadn't really been asleep in the first place.

"Hello my girl!" Ruth said loudly.

"Mummy!" Lucy bounded up onto the bed and into her mothers waiting arms. Ruth kissed her hair as she hugged Lucy tightly.

"How are you?" Ruth asked as Lucy drew away. Immediately the girl started chattering away and Ruth tried to keep up. She kept stroking Lucy's hair as she spoke, and the sound of her voice was very soothing. When Lucy stopped speaking Harry asked a question. "I thought you were asleep?"

"I've been poked and prodded like a lab rat," Ruth said bluntly. "I didn't want any more nurses chatting to me, so I thought I'd feign sleep."

"Well, I'm so happy you're back," he said, kissing her briefly. They spent a lovely afternoon together, all three of them enjoying each others company.

* * *

The next morning Ruth was surprised when she opened her eyes. Catherine was by her bedside. She smiled when she saw her stepmother awake. "How are you?"

"I always seem tired and my head hurts," Ruth said honestly. "But I'm alive, that's the main thing."

"It is," Catherine replied, a broad grin on her face.

"Thank you for helping with Lucy while I was…"

"Its fine," Catherine said honestly. "She's a good girl."

"At times," Ruth said, but there was a note of pride in her voice. "Has anyone told Harry about Lydia?"

"No," Catherine said. "They thought, and I agree, that you'd probably be the best person to break it to him. You keep him calm when he wants to rage, you always have. Plus no one was going to tell him anything while you were…"

"At deaths door," Ruth surmised bluntly.

"Well, yes," Catherine said sheepishly.

"You're a bunch of cowards, the lot of you," Ruth said with amusement. "Shall I mention that he's going to be a grandfather twice over?"

"What?" Catherine asked sharply, her face pale.

"I'm not stupid. I know you're pregnant."

"You bloody spook," Catherine said under her breath and Ruth laughed. "I don't mind," she said. "You can tell him, or not."

"God, you're all acting like teenagers who are terrified of telling their parents!"

"Dad gave us that impression as kids," Catherine agreed. "I know he won't kill us but its not easy to confide in the boss of MI5."

"Mm," Ruth said. She couldn't help it but she felt her eyes closing.

"I'll leave you to sleep," Catherine said, smiling.

"Okay," Ruth said. "Congratulations."

"I'm so excited," Catherine said eagerly.

"Wait until the sleepless nights," Ruth said, rolling over and going to sleep. "Not so exciting then."

"Thanks Ruth."

* * *

**I was tempted to give Ruth a side affect but I just couldn't bear to in the end. Any suggestions about how Harry should find out about both new bundles of joy? I have no idea what I'm going to do... Thanks for the reviews so far :-)**


	37. Chapter 37

The next day Ruth was allowed to go home, on the condition that she would spend a lot of time on bed rest, as she wasn't recovered fully yet. The MRI and CT scans had showed that she seemed to have no lasting damage from the gunshot, except her headaches, but they seemed to be getting less severe already. Ruth felt incredibly lucky as she got dressed into some clothes Harry had brought for her.

"Where's Lucy?" she asked quietly.

"Trying on her new school uniform," Harry said. "She wants to show you when you get home."

"Oh, I love that girl so much," Ruth said, putting her blouse on. Harry got rather an eye full as she buttoned it up and Ruth noticed with a smile. "Like what you see do you?" she said, straightening up.

"Mm, well its been a month since I've seen you naked," he grumbled. "I swore it'd never be that long ever since…"

"Yeah, I know," she said, knowing he was referring to the time when their relationship was in trouble years ago. "I didn't plan to be shot and hospitalised for two weeks. And I hated it when you were in Ireland too."

"Well then, we're going to have to make up in spectacular fashion then aren't we?" Harry said, a low purr. She blushed but didn't argue with him. After all, that sounded like a fun way to spend an evening. Her face was still warm when she signed her discharge papers and Harry laughed at her slightly as they made their way to the car.

* * *

Back in the house, Ruth felt delighted to see Lucy dancing around in her uniform. Thursday was her first day of school and Catherine had bought her uniform (with a little input from Ruth) as Lucy wasn't enamoured with going shopping since what had happened the last time.

"You look very smart," Ruth said, sitting down by the kitchen table and smiling at her.

"I'm so excited!" Lucy beamed. "I can't wait!"

"I know sweetheart," Harry said, kissing her head. "Why don't you get changed, so your uniform'll be all smart for Thursday."

"Okay!" She danced across the kitchen and then paused at the kitchen door. "Daddy? Am I getting a baby sister?"

"Er… no," Harry said quickly. He glanced at Ruth for reassurance and she shook her head.

"No sweetheart, you're not getting a baby sister, or brother for that matter." Ruth said gently. "Why did you think you were Lucy?"

"Catey was talking on the phone," Lucy said. "She was talking about buying a cot and decorating a nursery. I thought… I might be getting a sister." She looked very downcast but no one was paying her any attention as both Harry and Ruth were staring at Catherine who had turned bright red with embarrassment.

"You're pregnant?" Harry asked quietly.

"Yes," Catherine said. "I can't believe she was listening to me. She really is your daughter."

"You're…" Harry tailed off as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Please don't be mad," she said in a very small voice.

"Of course I'm not mad," he said, a broad smile filling his face. "Why would I be mad? This is wonderful!"

"Really?"

"I'm not a monster," he said indignantly. "My daughter's having a baby. Its great news." He hugged Catherine tightly and no one missed the look of relief on her face. "Oh, my first grandchild!"

"Maybe not," Catherine said before she could stop herself. Harry frowned in confusion. "Lydia's pregnant too," she added when the silence became unbearable.

Harry's grin looked like it might actually split his face in two. "I'm so happy," he said. Then he picked a bewildered Lucy up and twirled her around, making her giggle. "I would suggest opening a bottle of champagne, but since only one of us here actually likes it, or is able to drink it, maybe not the best idea."

Catherine smiled. "Maybe not," she agreed.

"What's going on?" Lucy asked, thoroughly confused.

"Lydia and Catherine are both going to have a baby," Ruth explained, lifting Lucy up to her lap and stroking her hair.

"Does that mean you're going to get fat?" Lucy asked loudly. Ruth was horrified but Catherine laughed.

"I guess so," she agreed. "I'll get very big."

"So I'm going to have a cousin?" Lucy asked wide eyed.

"Technically a niece or a nephew," Harry said stroking her hair. "But if you want to call these new additions cousins, I'm sure that's fine."

Lucy grinned happily at the same time Ruth stifled a yawn. "Go to bed," Harry said. "I know you're tired." Ruth didn't need much persuasion.

* * *

That night Ruth looked in the mirror and felt suitably depressed. She had about an inch square of hair missing on the back of her head where they had extracted the bullet in surgery. This was the first time she'd studied it critically and she didn't like it. It would grow back, she thought with a sigh. Another thing which irritated her was that she'd just noticed that her hair was turning grey. For the last year she'd been finding the odd grey strand but now, looking in the mirror she saw how obvious it was.

"You're beautiful," Harry said as he came into the bathroom.

"I don't feel it," she said accurately. "Did you call Graham?"

"Yes. I congratulated him, but don't change the subject," Harry said. "You are gorgeous."

"I'm going grey and you can see my head there so it looks like I'm going bald," Ruth said pointing to her bare head. Harry looked at her and then planted his lips on the naked patch of skin.

"I love you." She smiled as his arms went around her waist.

"Kiss me there again," she whispered. He happily obliged and she started to feel like she was melting with happiness.

"You knew didn't you," he said. "About Catherine and Lydia."

"I did," she said. "They were a little scared of telling you. Apparently I have a handle on you the way no one else can quite manage."

"Mm," he said. "I'm not arguing with that." He kissed her neck before speaking again. "I want to make love to you," he said in a low voice. "If you're feeling up to it?"

"Absolutely," she said with a smile. "Lucy asleep?"

"Yes." Ruth grinned, as experience had taught them that once Lucy was asleep, nothing would wake her.

"Come on then." She turned around and kissed him passionately, both looking forward to the night.

* * *

**As LouBelle04 requested, there will be an M rated piece following on from this chapter. Just have to write it first! Hope this was enjoyed...**


	38. Chapter 38

**Unexpectedly this is the last chapter of this fic! So I hope its been enjoyed and massive thanks for all the reviews. They really make it worth my while writing these fics. I have also added the M rated chapter to "The Morning After" so I hope you like that too...**

* * *

On Thursday Ruth felt like crying and laughing at the same time. Lucy was going to school and she was so excited, dancing around the house, jabbering away. Ruth knew that she was going to be worrying about Lucy throughout the day but she also knew her daughter was going to enjoy this immensely. As Lucy jumped into the car Ruth went to open the drivers door but Harry stopped her. "You can't drive."

"Yes I can," she said firmly.

"No, you can't," he repeated. "You have to refrain from driving for six weeks after brain surgery."

"What!"

"You didn't read the paperwork you brought home with you did you?" Harry said with a smile.

"Not yet, I've been busy."

"Let me drive."

"Mummy?"

"Everything's fine," Ruth said moving over to the passenger seat while Harry smirked. "Daddy's going to drive, okay?"

"Yes mummy," Lucy said, a broad smile on her face, mirroring Harry's when he's happy. Ruth smiled back as Harry turned the engine on and they drove off.

* * *

"Bye mummy!" Lucy beamed, skipping off to play with a girl she'd just met called Carrie. Ruth and Harry watched her go, and soon she was absorbed. Getting back in the car, Ruth felt like crying.

"She'll be fine," Harry said as they sat in silence.

"I know she will be," Ruth said, rubbing her tears away from her face. "She'll be more than fine. But I'm going to miss her at home."

"Lucy will thrive," Harry said, leaning over to kiss her forehead. Ruth nodded. "Now I'm going to take you out for breakfast at that little French place you like. With the croissants and the God awful hot chocolate that you love."

Ruth smiled weakly. "That sounds really good." Harry nodded and drove off, trying to distract Ruth was going to be an enjoyable experience.

* * *

"Hi mummy!" Lucy called as she raced to the car that afternoon.

"Did you have fun?" Ruth said, relieved at her daughters smile, knowing the answer already.

"Ooh, yes," Lucy said eagerly. She started describing everything that happened, speaking a mile a minute, it was all Ruth could do to keep up. Harry smiled at Ruth as if to say I told you so. Ruth smiled back and then asked what Lucy had enjoyed the most. Both of them smiled at their daughter, who made them so happy.

* * *

**Eighteen months later…**

Harry awoke in his favourite manner, to Ruth's lips on his. "You need to get up," she whispered.

"Why?"

"Because both of your grandchildren are coming around soon," Ruth said. Harry sighed as he remembered. Not that it was a bad thing, more that he couldn't spend an hour or so lounging in bed with his beautiful wife. They had decided to celebrate both the grandchildren's birthdays at the same time, a week after James's birthday, and a week before Nicola's. So presents were going to be given to all, and the house was going to be mad all day. But mad in the best possible way. Both Harry and Ruth loved the new additions, and they certainly made life more interesting. Nicola (Catherine's daughter) was a loud bundle of joy. Whereas James (Graham's boy) was much more reserved and quiet. He'd study everything with wide eyes, taking it in like a sponge. But Harry loved them both. In fact he loved everyone in his life. Retiring was absolutely the best thing he'd ever done.

Harry was about to move when Lucy came bounding into their room. "Morning Luce," Harry said stifling a yawn.

"Everyone's coming over today aren't they?" she said loudly.

"Yes sweetheart," Ruth replied. "Its going to be a full house."

"Ooh good! You've wrapped up the presents haven't you? And the cards?"

"Yes, its all done," Ruth said pulling her dressing gown over herself. "Do you want some breakfast before you exhaust yourself?"

"Yes please mum," Lucy said, her Harry-like smile on her features melting her heart.

"Go on down, I'll be there in a minute." Lucy darted away, a mess of dark brown curls at her back. Ruth leaned over her husband and kissed him softly. "Stay here," she whispered in between kisses. "I'll bring you up a coffee."

"I love you," he said, closing his eyes for a few more moments. Ruth smiled and a quiet "mum?" made her realise her attention was needed elsewhere.

"I'm coming sweetheart," Ruth said, leaving the bedroom. "Your dad wants a few more minutes sleep, okay?" Lucy nodded and then laughed happily as she went and sat at the kitchen table for breakfast. Ruth smiled with joy at her lot in life. Who'd have thought ten years ago she'd have ended up here? But as she buttered Lucy's toast, she was so glad she had. Her family, extended and not technically blood related to herself, made it all worth while.

* * *

**The End.**

**I'm going to start working on a Harry Potter fic, so it might be a while before I write more spooks stuff. One last review would mean the world to me. Thank you.**


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